I knew about everything else... except for the friend visiting from Holland.
Yeah. That'd be about where the scale goes "DING!" for me, too.
For me, my spoons are typically used up by anxiety triggers. For example, a delivery I make goes wrong for some reason - like I accidentally give out the wrong order to the wrong customer. Even if the customer is very kind and understanding of the situation, that still uses up a spoon for me. I legitimately feel terrible for not providing perfect service.
But if a customer is upset about how I messed up? That can use up two, three, or even four spoons depending on 1) How badly I actually fucked up, and 2) How irate the customer is.
I know you might be thinking, "But what about when you do good and get praised for it?" Well. Because of how I was raised, being praised like that hardly registers - by the standards I was raised under, I've merely achieved the "bare minimum". I mean, sure. It strokes the ego alright. But that might as well be nothing but raw cotton fibers fluffed up with hot air. One little mistake on my part can put a lit match to it and then *POOF!* there goes my day and I feel like utter crap.
Before I was on antidepressants, I had very few spoons to keep in reserve. In fact, more often than not, I was out of spoons before I ever even woke up for the day. But then I went on antidepressants and suddenly I had a lot more spoons to make use of.
But let me reveal this, just to put it into perspective how bad it is for me.
I'm taking 450mg of Bupropion (aka Wellbutrin) in three 150mg time-released pills.
This is the absolute most that is considered a safe prescription.
But there's also a kicker thrown in as well.
My psychologist noticed that I had been on Mirtazapine (aka Remeron) in order to help moderate my sleep cycle.
She said to keep taking it.
Now, Mirtazapine is pretty safe stuff. Someone can take as much as 1000mg in a single dose and the worst it'll do is knock you right the fuck out. But it has a very interesting reaction when combined with Bupropion.
Essentially? It retards your liver's ability to metabolize the Bupropion, creating a multiplicative effect.
Now. Let this sink in for a minute.
I'm at the maximum safe dose of Bupropion a doctor can prescribe.
And she has me taking another antidepressant that effectively multiplies that "safe dosage" several times over.
And some days? It's still not enough.
Just imagine how bad it is for me when I forget to take my meds - particularly when Bupropion is absolutely infamous for its come-down. I've experienced it a few times already, and let me tell you, the only thing that kept me from seriously considering something ill-advised was that I knew it was just because I was coming down from Bupropion.
So, forgetting a single dose? I might as well have just used up as many as ten spoons. I can still function, but only just barely, and those little, every day mistakes hit me like a Mack Truck.
So yeah. While it's not Lupus or some other autoimmune disorder, the spoon theory still applies. And it is such a very precarious situation for me, because I am so very prone to making mistakes like forgetting to take my meds or getting my prescriptions renewed.
(And before anyone worries about me revealing such information about myself? What the hell are they gonna do? Point at me and laugh? Let them. I'd love to see the look on their face when I reply: "Har-dee-har you chuckle-fuck. You should probably be on meds too if trying to get my goat is how you get your jollies." And it's not like I'm going to have a career anytime soon where my mental health could possibly pose an issue.)
Yeah. That'd be about where the scale goes "DING!" for me, too.
For me, my spoons are typically used up by anxiety triggers. For example, a delivery I make goes wrong for some reason - like I accidentally give out the wrong order to the wrong customer. Even if the customer is very kind and understanding of the situation, that still uses up a spoon for me. I legitimately feel terrible for not providing perfect service.
But if a customer is upset about how I messed up? That can use up two, three, or even four spoons depending on 1) How badly I actually fucked up, and 2) How irate the customer is.
I know you might be thinking, "But what about when you do good and get praised for it?" Well. Because of how I was raised, being praised like that hardly registers - by the standards I was raised under, I've merely achieved the "bare minimum". I mean, sure. It strokes the ego alright. But that might as well be nothing but raw cotton fibers fluffed up with hot air. One little mistake on my part can put a lit match to it and then *POOF!* there goes my day and I feel like utter crap.
Before I was on antidepressants, I had very few spoons to keep in reserve. In fact, more often than not, I was out of spoons before I ever even woke up for the day. But then I went on antidepressants and suddenly I had a lot more spoons to make use of.
But let me reveal this, just to put it into perspective how bad it is for me.
I'm taking 450mg of Bupropion (aka Wellbutrin) in three 150mg time-released pills.
This is the absolute most that is considered a safe prescription.
But there's also a kicker thrown in as well.
My psychologist noticed that I had been on Mirtazapine (aka Remeron) in order to help moderate my sleep cycle.
She said to keep taking it.
Now, Mirtazapine is pretty safe stuff. Someone can take as much as 1000mg in a single dose and the worst it'll do is knock you right the fuck out. But it has a very interesting reaction when combined with Bupropion.
Essentially? It retards your liver's ability to metabolize the Bupropion, creating a multiplicative effect.
Now. Let this sink in for a minute.
I'm at the maximum safe dose of Bupropion a doctor can prescribe.
And she has me taking another antidepressant that effectively multiplies that "safe dosage" several times over.
And some days? It's still not enough.
Just imagine how bad it is for me when I forget to take my meds - particularly when Bupropion is absolutely infamous for its come-down. I've experienced it a few times already, and let me tell you, the only thing that kept me from seriously considering something ill-advised was that I knew it was just because I was coming down from Bupropion.
So, forgetting a single dose? I might as well have just used up as many as ten spoons. I can still function, but only just barely, and those little, every day mistakes hit me like a Mack Truck.
So yeah. While it's not Lupus or some other autoimmune disorder, the spoon theory still applies. And it is such a very precarious situation for me, because I am so very prone to making mistakes like forgetting to take my meds or getting my prescriptions renewed.
(And before anyone worries about me revealing such information about myself? What the hell are they gonna do? Point at me and laugh? Let them. I'd love to see the look on their face when I reply: "Har-dee-har you chuckle-fuck. You should probably be on meds too if trying to get my goat is how you get your jollies." And it's not like I'm going to have a career anytime soon where my mental health could possibly pose an issue.)