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Hold Emma/The Humour Criminal (Worm AU filk)
Hold Emma/The Humour Criminal (Worm AU filk)
#1
Have you been following BeaconHill's fic Nemesis on SB and/or SV? If not, you're missing out, but the short version is that when Emma buys powers from Cauldron and becomes the hot new Ward, Taylor takes up the role of a joke villain in order to trash her in the court of public opinion. This is a filk omake I made following some of the discussion on SV.

(with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)


(Wards)
Hold, Emma!
Ere your irate vendetta proceed
against our wills to escalate
just bear in mind that we are Wards in Brockton Bay,
And Bumblebee is a humour criminal!

(Shadow Stalker)
We'd better pass,
or Piggy will have our ass.
Bumblebee is a humour criminal!

(Wards)
Yes, yes, she is a humour criminal!

(Bumblebee)
Yes, yes, I am a humour criminal!

(Bees begin buzzing in tune)
I am the very model of a Brockton humour criminal,
I've stolen ice cream, petty cash, and things that are less physical
My nemesis Crystalia's dignity is now minimal
The way she blows her top in public is hardly well spinnable;

I've gotten more acquainted, too, with other Wards more reasonable
Who stop to toss a frisbee when the summer weather's seasonable
My reputation's comical and clips are always on the news (on the news... on the news...)
And I know how to tumble if I trip running in high heel shoes!

My fuzzy minion bumblebees are cute and very cuddlesome
Although their poor coordination often is quite troublesome:
In short, in matters ideologolical and visual,
I am the very model of a Brockton humour criminal.

I've vandalized and tried to steal our founder Brock's statuary
By lifting it with a net and more bees than an apiary
And though I had to cheese it when Crystalia came running in
I still escaped with ease and got some awful insect punning in;

I can't tell you what twisted thoughts have led her to obsess on me
All I can say is it doesn't seem likely she'll be and let bee
Still with every appearance I do seem to be making quite a buzz (hm, quite a buzz... Ah! I have it!)
With villainy and slapstick in the grandest game there ever was!

Perhaps one day I'll recruit a bee-tween sidekick and learn the quadrille
So she can translate for my bees with dance on top of Captain's Hill
In short, in matters ideologolical and visual,
I am the very model of a Brockton humour criminal.

In fact, when my lair's filled with loot just like a golden honeycomb
When I've escaped the heroes and have taken all the money home
When I've achieved the highest popular rating on PHO
When my wiki page has been filled out with "this is that" and "such is so,"

When such affairs as burglaries and stick ups I'm an expert of,
Yet hero teams are begging to recruit me for the public's love,
When I have raised awareness for colony collapse and parasites
When my apian crime wave has gone on for at least six dozen nights
In short, when I have brought into clear focus pollinator's rights (oh, that is a tough one... Aha!)
You'll say a better humour criminal has never made the fight!

For my criminal ambitions, though I'm plucky and adorable,
Are entirely illegal, immoral, and yes, deplorable;
In short, in matters ideologolical and visual,
I am the very model of a Brockton humour criminal.


--------

Whew, that was easier than expected yet harder than just writing a prose omake. Now, who else is imagining Bumblebee doing the "With cat-like tread" song? Big Grin
--
‎noli esse culus
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RE: Hold Emma/The Humour Criminal (Worm AU filk)
#2
Judge: Bumblbee, you have been found guilty of 20 humour Crimes against Brockton bay, this bears a minimum sentence of 100 hours as a mime each.  However do to situations and the state of the Jury, your sentance has been commuted to 60 hours (produced) of weekly televised stand up comedy.

Bangs Gavel

This court is hereby closed.
Reply
RE: Hold Emma/The Humour Criminal (Worm AU filk)
#3
i was chuckling by the end of Shadow Stalker's part

i was laughing within two verses of Taylor's

i really should read that story, the start kinda put me off of it though
Wolf wins every fight but the one where he dies, fangs locked around the throat of his opponent. 
Currently writing BROBd

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RE: Hold Emma/The Humour Criminal (Worm AU filk)
#4
(merging double posts)
Well, the song is actually pretty close to a summary of the fic so far, if with a far lower ratio of omake to canon. I'll admit the beginning of Nemesis does feel a little iffy, but if three story posts don't win you over five sure will.

--------

(duplicating a post from the SV thread)
Honestly, I keep rereading it and wanting to do a version broken down phonetically due to the places where a word does need the emPHAsis on a different sylLAble in order to make it fit. And also because "ideologolical" is only sort of a real word and is supposed to have a soft G like "ideology" rather than hard like "ideologue." (It should mean "pertaining to the study of a system of ideas" if I assembled the suffixes correctly, but I don't find it listed in a dictionary or online.)
--
‎noli esse culus
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