Dialing your X at Stupid O'Clock in the morning
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“Hey?-----How ya doin? It’s been a while?”
“It has” —-- “I’m on the right side of the ground.”
“That’s always a start,”
“What’ve you been doing?”
“Well yeah I got the Cat running and I got the permits from the city at last - so it seems my Aunt’s family name still carries some weight with the mayor’s office.” —--- “Actually kind of surprised I didn’t hear from you before now.”
“I couldn’t think of anything to say,”
“We were going out for ten years. I would’ve thought…”
“I wanted to be friends, but I didn’t want to be the friend who only called up when had the world to unload. It’s been tough.”
“I read about the accident” —--- “And Mackie. I’m sorry - by the time I got the news, everything had moved on and I didn’t want to re-open a wound like that.”
“There’s more to it, that you don’t know about” —--- “And that I can’t talk about right now, but I appreciate it.”
“I don’t think you wanted to catch up thought….”
“I just needed to talk to someone - I guess. Someone who had a different perspective - who was outside the flow of things. Everyone else is caught up in it all. And you’ve been on the ground for a year.”
“Alright. What’s the problem?”
“I’m stuck into something that’s forcing me to go one way, with an end that I don’t want to go to, but is going to happen anyway. Like being in quicksand - where every choice I make, will just make everything worse in a way I can’t deal with. There’s no good ending, just different shades of bad and I can’t see a way out of it.”
“You’re not thinking of hurting yourself, are you?” —------------------“Jet?” —----------- “Or harming yourself?”
“I didn’t realise it, until you said it”------------------- “If I burn out, or have a bad accident, it stops. I’m out, it all stops before everything goes bad.”
“I’m glad you spoke to someone, at least” —---- “I wish it wasn’t me this early in the morning but goddamn I wanted to hear from you. And I still want to hear from you”
“I still have to figure out how to stop all this.”
“You stop, and figure it out afterwards.”-------- “And this from the person who’se known for figuring out how to land, after she jumps”
“I suppose your right. You always had a better head for this sort of stuff.”
“I guess I grew up with feelings.” —------------”I need you to tell me you’re not going to hurt yourself”
“I’m alright right now.”
“Promise me you’re not going to hurt yourself.”
“I promise I won’t hurt myself.”
“Thanks.”
“Maybe if you’re up in the near future, you could stop by for coffee. There’s a lot of cool stuff we’ve started.”
“It’d be nice to talk again. About better things.”
“I’d like that.”
“Later Jet.”
“Later….”
------
------
“Hey?-----How ya doin? It’s been a while?”
“It has” —-- “I’m on the right side of the ground.”
“That’s always a start,”
“What’ve you been doing?”
“Well yeah I got the Cat running and I got the permits from the city at last - so it seems my Aunt’s family name still carries some weight with the mayor’s office.” —--- “Actually kind of surprised I didn’t hear from you before now.”
“I couldn’t think of anything to say,”
“We were going out for ten years. I would’ve thought…”
“I wanted to be friends, but I didn’t want to be the friend who only called up when had the world to unload. It’s been tough.”
“I read about the accident” —--- “And Mackie. I’m sorry - by the time I got the news, everything had moved on and I didn’t want to re-open a wound like that.”
“There’s more to it, that you don’t know about” —--- “And that I can’t talk about right now, but I appreciate it.”
“I don’t think you wanted to catch up thought….”
“I just needed to talk to someone - I guess. Someone who had a different perspective - who was outside the flow of things. Everyone else is caught up in it all. And you’ve been on the ground for a year.”
“Alright. What’s the problem?”
“I’m stuck into something that’s forcing me to go one way, with an end that I don’t want to go to, but is going to happen anyway. Like being in quicksand - where every choice I make, will just make everything worse in a way I can’t deal with. There’s no good ending, just different shades of bad and I can’t see a way out of it.”
“You’re not thinking of hurting yourself, are you?” —------------------“Jet?” —----------- “Or harming yourself?”
“I didn’t realise it, until you said it”------------------- “If I burn out, or have a bad accident, it stops. I’m out, it all stops before everything goes bad.”
“I’m glad you spoke to someone, at least” —---- “I wish it wasn’t me this early in the morning but goddamn I wanted to hear from you. And I still want to hear from you”
“I still have to figure out how to stop all this.”
“You stop, and figure it out afterwards.”-------- “And this from the person who’se known for figuring out how to land, after she jumps”
“I suppose your right. You always had a better head for this sort of stuff.”
“I guess I grew up with feelings.” —------------”I need you to tell me you’re not going to hurt yourself”
“I’m alright right now.”
“Promise me you’re not going to hurt yourself.”
“I promise I won’t hurt myself.”
“Thanks.”
“Maybe if you’re up in the near future, you could stop by for coffee. There’s a lot of cool stuff we’ve started.”
“It’d be nice to talk again. About better things.”
“I’d like that.”
“Later Jet.”
“Later….”
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I love the smell of rotaries in the morning. You know one time, I got to work early, before the rush hour. I walked through the empty carpark, I didn't see one bloody Prius or Golf. And that smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole carpark, smelled like.... ....speed.
One day they're going to ban them.