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So that was new and not fun
So that was new and not fun
#1
Sad 
If you're feeling a little claustrophobic cooped up in quarantine, count your blessings I guess, because I just woke up, looked around my eight by eight by seven foot tall bedroom, and had a panic attack because "this p[lace is too big," until I could box myself in with some stuff on either side of an armchair, on a sturdy little table in front, and my wide-brimmed hat acting as a personal ceiling to cut off everything above my eyebrows. I hope this is not going to be a thing going forward, because while not wanting to leave the house has been manageable to the point I didn't even realize how much I hated it, stomach-turning terror at not having solid walls close enough for my elbows to touch is liable to cause many more problems. Not least because in a high-risk household I'm still the least-unhealthy choice to go for the grocery runs, and the thought of doing that "again this week" is raising my heart rate as I type it, and not because of anything to do with the corona virus.

Fuck.

And I should keep a journal or something instead of dropping this kind of thing on you mob. Doublefuck. Doing it anyway because fuck all the ducks.
--
‎noli esse culus
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#2
Yeesh. Agoraphobia sucks.

By all means, drop everything you can on us. That's a helluva lot better than a journal because, unlike a journal, we can talk back at you.

At the very least, it can be said that your fear of going outside isn't all that irrational. But that's what will make it so hard to deal with, too - the fact that your fear has very real and rational reasoning behind it.

Just try and take care of yourself. Self-care is apparently one of the best things to do because it helps abate the anxiety to some extent.
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#3
What BA said. If you want to talk about the stress that you're going through, we're here to listen and offer advice. You aren't alone in this.
--
Rob Kelk

Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#4
Thanks guys - just the acceptance helps. As for the groceries, I put on my big leather coat that feels like you're carrying a house on your back anyway and flipped up the collar, and continued to wear my fedora. Plus I had a mask on so no one could see me hyperventilate! :fake_yay:

But I didn't have an external screaming fit, or huddle on the bottom shelf of the empty paper goods aisle until those nice young men in their clean white coats could arrive to take me somewhere comfortingly small where the hugs are built into the jackets so you can maintain social distance, and the witch hazel hand wash stuff that relieves itching instead of causing it was in stock for the first time since February, so I'll take my victories as I can.

This victory is in returning to my nerd-cave with the new computer humming at one elbow, a tall stack of RPG books at the other, and a big TV acting as the monitor arm's length ahead for a while. but goddamn, I'll take it and like it.
--
‎noli esse culus
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#5
In case anyone was wondering - and it's a great thought that someone might, so please don't shatter my illusions if you weren't - the situation has settled back down to the normal levels of don't-wanna-go-outside rather than that one day's wanna-hide-under-a-table, but it was a very bizarre and stressful day. I very much hope that it doesn't recur, on a grocery day or any other.
--
‎noli esse culus
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#6
As someone that did the anxiety attack dance a few years back, I'm glad it's receded, even a little bit. If you need to talk or vent, the thread's here.
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#7
(04-25-2020, 08:00 AM)classicdrogn Wrote: In case anyone was wondering - and it's a great thought that someone might, so please don't shatter my illusions if you weren't - the situation has settled back down to the normal levels of don't-wanna-go-outside rather than that one day's wanna-hide-under-a-table, but it was a very bizarre and stressful day. I very much hope that it doesn't recur, on a grocery day or any other.

Good to hear you're doing better. Having the general anxiety of the current situation amplify one's existing mental issues isn't very fun at all, even for one day.

I'm not great on the emotional labor front at work on better days (a side effect of not liking public interactions in general pre-transition), but it's been a lot harder for me to avoid being an irritable shamble of nerves lately. Even my husband has noticed.
"You know how parents tell you everything's going to fine, but you know they're lying to make you feel better? Everything's going to be fine." - The Doctor
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#8
If it does re-occur, feel free to yell for help (or just yell) here.
--
Rob Kelk

Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#9
What they said.
-- Bob

I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber.  I have been 
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
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RE: So that was new and not fun
#10
Thanks, like I said before. I am not that good at doing more than listening (or in this case reading along) sympathetically myself, but the same offer does apply in reverse as well for what that's worth.
--
‎noli esse culus
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