The restaurant was an odd affair, attached as it was to the more private area of the main docking rings of Serenity Valley, and overlooking one of the main approach vectors. It even had a bit of an odd name - The Perfect Landing.
Of course, it wasn’t quite so odd to many of the residents of Serenity Valley, or to many regular visitors. Most who knew about the place managed to come in and eat here at least once a year - the food was good, the decor wasn’t ostentatious, although definitely space flight themed - tastefully placed models of spacecraft, framed photos of spacecraft both real and fictional, an old NASA jumpsuit in a frame - and the overall atmosphere was relaxed.
May Wood had always enjoyed coming here, even before she became short, green and curvy… that it became a whole culinary experience after that was just an added benefit. She hadn’t been able to come here lately, being so busy with yet another company expansion that it seemed like she was everywhere but Ganymede.
That she came here without fail when she was on Ganymede, and it was always meeting with friends, was a major bonus to visits here in her view.
As usual, she came in, checked in with the maitre de, and was escorted to the table where they were already waiting for her. Both Nene and Jeph stood up, and May blinked, seeing how Jeph was now dressed, in some sort of black A-line shorts over tights - actual bonafide tights - in burgundy no less, paired with a matching burgundy t-shirt emblazoned with gold letters proclaiming, “FANFICTION - For when Canon hurts too much”. Decidedly feminine compared to what Jeph usually wore. Yet… it didn’t surprise her in any way either. In fact, it looked more ‘right’ than the other woman had for quite a while. She gave them both firm hugs, then took in the sight of a much more comfortable looking Jeph again.
“OK, I’ll bite, what finally tipped you over the edge?” She smiled. “Not that I mind seeing the change, it looks good on you.” They all sat back down, and idly checked the menus while they worked at getting caught up.
Jeph coughed. “You remember how our schedule got completely ruined last year, just before Maico broke the story about UBA? It was so stressful that… I didn’t quite get back to that delicate balance of self-denial yet not being overt torture.” She rubbed a hand at the back of her neck. “In fact, my variable gender was becoming increasingly volatile if I was in my old male form at all… like, several times a day.”
“...it was that bad? Oh man, at least I got mine all at once,” May replied, looking sympathetic. “I mean, yeah, it was a rough adjustment there, but at least I didn’t have to deal with flip flopping back and forth. For me, I’d become a woman, so it was more about accepting the fact than anything else. If I’d had the old me to deal with...” She made a face.
“Yeah, it wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows,” Jeph replied. “This is the second week in months I haven’t had to wonder which damned way I was going to be using the toilet any given hour. In fact, I think I’ve done only one pair of flip flops in the past ten days.”
The smaller girl nodded. “And how’s it felt?”
“Honestly? Outside of having to make sure I sit down in the morning instead of remaining standing, it’s been pretty good so far. It’s… I’m sliding into a routine that feels like it fits in better for me. And wasn’t being imposed by my biomod insisting that I needed the extra coping room.”
“And I’m finding she smiles before she gets her first cup of coffee,” Nene added. “That’s just uplifting to see.”
“The smiles do come more naturally, don’t they?” May noted with a nostalgic smile. She also took note of the way Jeph’s eyes seemed to radiate a little bit of joy when Nene referred to her as ‘she’.
“Yeah, they do.” Jeph looked out the window, out over the transit pattern, smiling as in the distance they could see a couple of the big Blue Midgets taking off from the JMC complex. “So, what have you been up to with that expansion?”
“Well, Kit’s personal ship is almost done. Her own custom hull, just like she wanted.”
“Complete with all those options? Wow,” Nene commented, and May nodded, smiling. “She showed me her wish list for it, that’s got to be a pretty nice place she can trick out.”
"I swear, it feels like it was only yesterday she was in an extra server on the Void Eagle, parental controls in place," May sighed. “Of course, given she’s planning on spending a few months out past the Limit, drifting in space and just ‘taking in creation’ as she puts it, I’ve ended up going ahead with more people on the administration side than initially planned…”
The trio remained there until the early evening, sharing stories and taking full and shameless advantage of their biomods to indulge in the Landings comprehensive sweets menu. Eventually, as May took great delight in an unreasonably large chocolate mint chip sundae, the topic came back around to gender, and the confusion around such things.
“Is it wrong of me to envy you a little?” Jeph mused, considering the other woman. May paused, spoon stopping halfway into her mouth, and Jeph shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Maybe it’s a little petty of me, but your biomod was very definite about ‘you’re a woman now, accept it.’”
Taking a moment to consider that (and appreciate the ice cream), May nodded. “No, I can see that. I mean, even when I’ve had doubts and uncertainties, and Gods knows there’s been times, my body provided a rock for me.” She gave her friends a slightly evil smile and ran a hand over her breasts, enjoying the way both sets of eyes lingered on the bounce. “It helps that so much of that ‘rock’ is what I always dreamed of being, even if I didn’t always admit it.”
“Always?” Jeph asked, curious.
"Always." Her expression became more thoughtful as she leaned back. "I used to say I was gender neutral, and not particularly concerned with my gender. That's what I said. What I felt, well, that was a lot more complicated. Heck, if I'm honest, it changed from day to day. Mostly because back then, I was an anxious mess that liked to second guess myself. But deep down, I knew who I was."
Sipping at her drink, Nene frowned thoughtfully. "But you never went ahead and deliberately biomodded?”
May shrugged, then started counting with her fingers. “Well, one, it was helpful to have a safety net in case I got hurt. Which, given the unscientific jerk… yeah. Two, I had this paranoid fear that if I went and deliberately rode the ‘wave like that, something would go wrong."
"Not entirely paranoid," Jeph noted. “Myk’s got a whole folder of examples that I try not to look at too often.”
Pausing to consider that, May couldn’t help but shudder. “Three, I'm a creature of habit. Which is a fancy way of saying I don't do things differently or make big decisions without a lot of mental pushing to get me out of my ‘comfort zone’." She giggled, shaking her head at a memory. "I had my first jar of handwavium for nearly three years before I started seriously using it."
“So you were comfortable enough to not press the issue?” Nene asked.
That question drew a mild frown from the green skinned woman. “No, not exactly comfortable, even if I told myself I was. It was more a pain I was used to, like a bad back. Which ties into the fourth point, which is the big one for me.” Shoulders slumping, she stared at her sundae. “I was scared. Scared of what it would mean, how people would react…" Unconsciously, she began drywashing her hands, as even with friends she knew wouldn't judge her, the fear returned.
Jeph reached across the table and put a hand on May’s, her expression filled with sympathy. “I… I think all of us on this particular biomod train have been there. It’s a big change, and change at that level comes with a certain amount of fear.” Jeph sniffed, her eyes a little wet. “I fully understand all your reasons, if only because I’ve shared them.”
"It's been years since my change," May sniffled. "And the fear is still there. Just waiting for the wrong moment. The wrong person. But that said, I'd much rather be who I am now, as opposed to the old me. To like who I see in the mirror, to be comfortable in simple ways I never could before…" Laughing wryly, she gestured at her skirt and blouse. "If nothing else, I certainly didn't have the figure to pull this off a decade ago."
"That has merit," Jeph agreed with a smile.
Eyes gleaming with a sudden delight, May leaned forward. "And at least you had your realization before certain events." Both the other women looked curious, and she giggled. "Jeph, this means you get to wear a wedding dress." Her eyes lit up even further as she watched the intrigued look cross Jeph’s face as she contemplated this fact. Not to mention the look of absolute glee that crossed Nene’s face.
***
I strode into the bay where Starbug 1 “lived” whenever we were back at Serenity Valley, and approached the deck foreman who was leading the inspection team.
“Alex, what’s the situation you called me about?”
The woman turned… Alexis Blaise was a cyber, of a similar type to Jet Jaguar - ceramic and steel plate armor in red and silver covered most of her body, although her head was more or less human except for the gently glowing blue irises of her eyes.
“Hi, Chief… not anything close to good news I’m afraid.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart sinking a little bit.
“Maybe I should just show you.” She led me inside the ship, into the main common area. Various maintenance personnel were scanning the interior walls, which was itself not a great sign. Much of the bulkhead around the passage to the cockpit had been removed, and that’s where she took me. “It’s mostly visible right around here, Chief.” She indicated along the main support ring that held the connecting collar between the first and second sections of the ship. I scowled - when I’d built the ship 15 years ago, that ring of metal was smooth as could be, but now it was visibly rippled and kinked in one spot. I ran a hand along it, and confirmed that it was definitely no longer smooth.
“...how bad?” I asked, realizing that I already knew the answer.
“It’s extremely bad, I’m afraid. We’ve scanned the entire area forward of this frame, and it’s a similar story. I went ahead and did some more physical exploration in the command area.” We moved forward into the cockpit, where Geo’s entire station had basically been disassembled.
I knelt down, and looked into the hole in the deck where the operations console had been mounted, and down into the inner framing members for the pressure vessel… and there was similar rippling in the main structural rings there as well.
“We’re scanning the whole structure now… but so far, out of every structural member we’ve scanned, every single one of them has exhibited significant metal fatigue.” I brushed my knees off, got back to my feet, and regarded Alex.
“Alex… cut it to me straight.”
Alex sighed, and then looked right into my eyes, dead serious. “The way I’m seeing it right now, Chief, is that Starbug 1 is no longer safe to fly.” She gestured around her. “It’s amazing she’s made it this long… I know she’s the last of the first generation Fenships still active, but it could well be that we’re at the end of that era. And before you ask, no, it’s likely not worth trying to repair all the damage, we’d have to tear her down so far to manage it that we might as well just build a brand new ship.” She put a metal hand on my arm, her expression softening as I felt some tears come to my eyes. “I wish the news was better.”
I sniffed. “No, it’s fine… it’s just… this was my home until the war…” I walked to the pilot station, brushed the latest (and probably last) round of toe gnawings and peanut shells off the seat, and sat down. “I suppose she has had a good run, though… last of the first generation…”
“Probably due to her quirks, Chief. I watched the original show, after all, I know how tough that little Bug was, and I understand that this one was pretty tough too.” She pulled a cable out, and plugged herself into the information officer console, and the displays lit up, showing the range of potential options. “I can forward the options to you, for you to make a decision later, about what we do with her, and if you commission some sort of replacement.”
“Thank you… although... “ I pulled out the antique PDA I always carried, and scrawled out a message with the battered stylus.
Nene, Geo: Come to the Starbug landing bay. We have bad news.
“OK, I sent a message… can… can you send Nene and Geo in here when they get in? I… think we’ll need some time to decide what we’re going to do.”
“Sure thing, Chief.” She unplugged from the console, went to the hatch to the common area, then turned and looked at me sympathetically. “If you need anything, give a call out, OK?”
I nodded, no longer trusting my voice, and Alex left me alone with my thoughts, and the creaking of the pilot’s chair as I rotated around and put a hand on the forward console, patting it gently.
“You’ve done well, old friend… but it’s time for you to rest.”
*****
To: “Those On My Christmas List” (Recipients redacted)
From: “Jeph Antilles” (LordAndMaster@jmc.fen)
Subj: Well, that really really really really sucks
Date: 2023.11.21
Damnit, this feels like we just had an unexpected death in the family.
I just got done reviewing what we can do, I figured it was best before making the announcement.
Starbug 1 has been retired, effective pretty much immediately, due to advanced materials fatigue. My engineers have informed me that the frame is already so badly compromised that she is not safe to fly again, and it’s really not worth trying to get her rebuilt.
We’re still not sure what we’re going to replace her with. Given the distances that can be involved in any trips we take, we can’t go to relying on Cerulean Edge or Mogwai for most of our travel. I know one thing we’re not doing; once Starbug 2 reaches retirement, we won’t have any more Starbugs in the little fleet. I don’t think we could build a Starbug 3 that would feel right as a Home Away From Home like Starbug 1 really was at the end. That, and I’m not sure we can risk the potential quirks.
*****
Walking into the bay, May took in the sight of Starbug 1, parked in its usual mount. For a moment, it felt like any other visit, until she saw the caution signs someone had set up around the ship. Sighing, she walked over to one of the elderly ship’s landing struts, gently tapping it and watching the familiar wobble. “It’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere,” she sang quietly, eyes watering. “I’m all alone, more or less…”
<That line’s never been accurate for this ship.> Turning, the small orion woman watched as the familiar sight of Geo rolled across the bay towards her, coming to a halt next to her. <Heya pixie. Looking for the boss?>
May shook her head, grateful yet again that whatever mystery of the ‘wave allowed her to understand Teeseven extended to other Astromechs. “No, just… I needed to say goodbye to the old girl. There’ll probably be others.”
<Old timers are welcome,> Geo replied with a dismissive beep. <Fenboys can go walk out an airlock.> After considering the droid for a long moment, May rested a hand on the top of the droids leg joint. <What?> he protested, his ‘head’ swiveling to look at her. She just gave him a patient look, and after a moment he let out a low, long beep, the astromech equivalent of a sigh. <Yeah… Yeah.>
“Want to talk about it?” she offered.
<I’m not sure I want to,> Geo admitted. <But maybe I need to. Get it on file, you know? Normally I’d probably just vent to the boss, or Nene, but, well...?>
“They’re working out their hardware issue, on top of all this?” May said, gesturing at Starbug 1. To her surprise, that particular comment got a reaction out of Geo, several panels opening slightly automatically. “What?”
<Hardware… that’s… I hadn’t thought of it that way before.>
She shrugged slightly. “It’s not a perfect droid comparison, but it works as a starting point. I think I used it with Teeseven one time when trying to explain the concept to him.”
Geo’s optic lens lost focus, the droid considering the matter for a moment. <Incompatible operating system working with the wrong… hmm… And she’s been dealing with this since the biomod, no, longer...?> He sighed again, lens refocusing on her. <Organics are confusing.> There was something off about the droidspeak, something May couldn’t recall hearing in the years she’d known him.
After a moment, she realized what it was, and she had to repress a wince. “Yeah, we are. It’s been getting to you, hasn’t it?”
Spinning on the spot, Geo rolled closer to Starbug 1. <How am I supposed to help out the boss when it’s a problem I can barely even conceive, let alone understand? She’s been hurting, maybe for longer than I’ve been alive, and I barely even noticed until all this happened?> He rolled back and forth across the hanger, May watching him in concern. <And now Starbug… Even it knew!> His conversation partner tilted her head in confusion, and Geo’s optic locked onto her. <It’s been getting worn down, and I never noticed. Then Nene helps Jeph, we land, and… I notice it didn’t feel right.>
Stopping in place, Geo looked up at the elderly ship. <It was holding on. For her.> He barely noticed as May came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him as best she could. <Now it… she’ll never fly again, not in any way that matters.> He fell silent, and May let the moment linger, as Geo ran his optic over as much of the ship as possible, as though it could vanish at any moment. <I was there the most. Back when we were building her, I mean.>
“Oh?”
<Yeah. Jeph still had responsibilities, and Nene could at least go out in public. But me?> He laughed, a distorted ‘blat’ that echoed around the empty bay. <If I went wandering around in Colorado back then, it wouldn’t go well for anyone. Me least of all. So I spent a lot of time in that barn, mixing up ‘wavium, welding the pipes, arranging chicken wire… There was so much paper mache,> he added, sounding almost nostalgic for a moment.
Giggling softly to herself, May looked up at the ship again. “The first Fen ships really were a demonstration in reckless enthusiasm,” she noted, thinking of the Void Eagle. "And the second generation too. If nothing else, I had my star wars DVDs and game discs vanish into the Void somewhere…"
<I think that was when I realized just how incredible the goop really was,> Geo noted. <I mean, I knew it literally MADE Nene and me, but with that, I woke up in a bathtub after it was done. When you watch the impossible happen in front of you… She really was magic.>
May nodded in understanding. “She still is. In the ways that matter, she always will be.”
*****
I sighed, looking out over the still ruddy, roiling lower atmosphere of Venus, and the single bright speck visible in the distance just above it. Nene glanced over at me.
"What's wrong? Second thoughts?"
I looked at Nene, sniffed, and looked back out at the bright speck again.
"No. No second thoughts at all. Just more than a little anticipation." I turned and looked back at our passengers... Geo was laying down in the back cargo area of Mogwai (the only way he'd damned well fit other than the front seat), and Myk, sitting in what, 40 years ago, was my position on the driver's side of the rear bench seat when the little white Gremlin was owned by my parents, smiled, and turned back to key the radio up.
"CQ CQ CQ, Magellan Control, this is shuttle Mogwai out of Green Planetoidy, please come in, over."
"Shuttle Mogwai, this is Magellan Control, we read your signal at 90%, and we have you on the radar track now. We have Underside Bay #4 ready to receive you." There was a pause. "Can you confirm if your visit with us today is Business or Pleasure? Over."
That was the cue; the last question was only ever asked of anyone who had a more intimate reason to come, one of the last points that one could decide, nah, and do one of the former. No one but someone scheduled for the Oath of Venus would ever be asked that before docking.
"Magellan, this is Mogwai, our purpose is for neither, this is a personal trip this time. Over."
Another pause. "Understood, Mogwai, we will have the carpet laid out for you, Underside Bay #4 is ready, Magellan out."
"Underside Bay #4, understood and confirmed, Mogwai out."
It only took a few minutes from there for me to park the old car in the indicated bay underneath the giant piece of Lunar Unreal Estate that held up Crystal Tokyo itself. On the wall opposite the door was a sign that read, "WARNING DO NOT DISEMBARK UNTIL ALL LIGHTS AROUND SIGN ARE GREEN" with a single red light above it.
That light went out, flashed, then the whole border of the sign lit up green in a way that lit the entire bay up and overpowered any of the white light in it.
"Well, guess they really wanted to be sure after that last accident," Myk commented dryly as we disembarked. It took only a little effort to lever Geo out of the back and onto his feet.
<Pardon me if I take the fucking bus next time, Boss,> Geo griped. <I really don't like riding like that, it cramps my servos.> I knelt down, and placed a hand on Geo's leg joint.
"I love you too, Geo, and I know you're worried... don't hide it behind the sarcasm this time, OK?"
<You do know this isn't just another contract, right?> Geo said, <I know it's really you, but what about everyone else? To all too many of them, you'll be a whole new person walking out of there.>
"Most of the people that matter have probably figured it out years ago, and already accepted it," I said. "Any who haven't and think this would be an issue, can go pound powdered asteroids for all I care."
Geo twitched his holoprojector up, and cheerily chirped. <OK. I just wanted to make sure, Boss. You're the Boss, and as long as you're the happy boss I like to see, then it's what we do.>
"Good. You're the best astromech this side of Pluto."
<I wouldn't go nearly that far, Boss,> he replied. <I didn't sacrifice my leg to save people.>
Speaking of such things, when we entered the airlock proper, one of the faces of our honor guard was familiar, but took me several moments to figure out.
"We're here to escort you and yours, Captain," said the young... I'd guess teenaged, girl, with blue hair and an earnest look that was almost infectious. She was dressed in what appeared to be the costume of some sort, but not the typical Sammie or Sailor type, although it had a lot of the same sort of hallmarks - white dress with red details, and an armor chestplate, pauldrons and greaves in bright red, all with a vaguely scifi sort of air to it. "Hero Stratos, part of the new ARKS division!"
I blinked as the pieces fell into place. At the end of the rushed evacuations of Crystal Osaka, we'd been forced to load Starbug 1 with as many people as I dared fit without jettisoning more equipment, and three of them were a family, with a young girl with blue hair that happened to answer to the name Stratos. I could feel the smile hit my face.
"Oh my, it's been years! And I see you've taken inspiration from somewhere."
"Mm. I was inspired by you to pursue being a Hero. And it turns out I'm one of the first of a new type here! ARKS!"
"ARKS... isn't that one of the newer MMO inspired groups?" She nodded, smiling brightly.
"Yeah... Artificial Relict to Keep Safety!" I winced at the really awkward acronym... someone was going to have to get hurt for that one. Preferably to the theme song of Mister Ed. Any guess for me as to whether it was the source material or the fandom. Then she paused, dialing down her energy and becoming more serious. "When they asked for volunteers for your honor guard, I remembered how you saved so many of us when the city was falling into the deep atmosphere. I... I figured it was a way for me to pay it back, just a little."
I smiled. "I'm honored... and you've already paid me back by reaching for so much of that potential that you have."
“And the honor is all mine to escort you today!” She looked over my party, and nodded, her posture straightening as she came to full attention. “Captain Antilles, are you prepared? And these three will accompany you?”
“I am. And they will.”
"Captain Antilles, please approach." I stepped forward. At this point, it was all about the ritual. "You have petitioned to take the Oath of Venus - to ask that all of Fenspace treat you as a gender that may not have matched that which you were originally perceived to be. This is not a step to be taken lightly. Do you still wish to proceed?"
"Your Grace, I do still wish to proceed. This is something I have to do for myself, to affirm an identity that, like so many others, I tried too hard to bury."
"Very well. Captain Antilles, of Ganymede, of the Jupiter Mining Corporation, Companion of the Order of the Crescent, your petition has been read, and approved. Will you go forward, and spread your Love and Justice, secure in the Knowledge and Truth we affirm today of who you are? To never waver from your course in your Truth and Honesty?"
"I will."
"And will you continue, as you have before this, to let your Light guide your actions? And to be the Light to guide others?"
"I will. Without hesitation."
"Then step forward, and take the Draught, and complete this Leg of your Journey towards your Truth."
I stepped forward, and took the proffered glass... four ounces of green liquid. This was mostly symbolic for me, given that I'm already biomodded, but it was part of the ritual. The only difference for most was whether it was some form of liquid Guacamole or not, and what the specific drink was that was the vehicle.
I'd chosen Lime Koolaid. Because, well, that's what was the base for the Guacamole variant I'd made that Nene had administered to me, over ten years before, and it just seemed appropriate now, to drink it to finish this particular phase of my life. Which I did, knocking back the overly sweet liquid in one quick slug.
There was a brief flash of memory sparked by the taste, the feel of my back thumping the side of Cerulean Edge, my hands clutching at the spikes that had been driven into me by the booby trap, Nene screaming, the inhaler shoved into my mouth, and then it faded just as quickly. Unlike previous times… I didn’t freak out, it just washed over me and vanished, leaving little to no trace like it had in times past, not overwhelming my senses and making me forget where and when I was. Instead, I felt something… finally settle deep inside me, almost like a joint popping back into place or a muscle loosening up after being massaged, that had been tight and out of place for so long that I’d stopped noticing it.
Of course, it wasn’t quite so odd to many of the residents of Serenity Valley, or to many regular visitors. Most who knew about the place managed to come in and eat here at least once a year - the food was good, the decor wasn’t ostentatious, although definitely space flight themed - tastefully placed models of spacecraft, framed photos of spacecraft both real and fictional, an old NASA jumpsuit in a frame - and the overall atmosphere was relaxed.
May Wood had always enjoyed coming here, even before she became short, green and curvy… that it became a whole culinary experience after that was just an added benefit. She hadn’t been able to come here lately, being so busy with yet another company expansion that it seemed like she was everywhere but Ganymede.
That she came here without fail when she was on Ganymede, and it was always meeting with friends, was a major bonus to visits here in her view.
As usual, she came in, checked in with the maitre de, and was escorted to the table where they were already waiting for her. Both Nene and Jeph stood up, and May blinked, seeing how Jeph was now dressed, in some sort of black A-line shorts over tights - actual bonafide tights - in burgundy no less, paired with a matching burgundy t-shirt emblazoned with gold letters proclaiming, “FANFICTION - For when Canon hurts too much”. Decidedly feminine compared to what Jeph usually wore. Yet… it didn’t surprise her in any way either. In fact, it looked more ‘right’ than the other woman had for quite a while. She gave them both firm hugs, then took in the sight of a much more comfortable looking Jeph again.
“OK, I’ll bite, what finally tipped you over the edge?” She smiled. “Not that I mind seeing the change, it looks good on you.” They all sat back down, and idly checked the menus while they worked at getting caught up.
Jeph coughed. “You remember how our schedule got completely ruined last year, just before Maico broke the story about UBA? It was so stressful that… I didn’t quite get back to that delicate balance of self-denial yet not being overt torture.” She rubbed a hand at the back of her neck. “In fact, my variable gender was becoming increasingly volatile if I was in my old male form at all… like, several times a day.”
“...it was that bad? Oh man, at least I got mine all at once,” May replied, looking sympathetic. “I mean, yeah, it was a rough adjustment there, but at least I didn’t have to deal with flip flopping back and forth. For me, I’d become a woman, so it was more about accepting the fact than anything else. If I’d had the old me to deal with...” She made a face.
“Yeah, it wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows,” Jeph replied. “This is the second week in months I haven’t had to wonder which damned way I was going to be using the toilet any given hour. In fact, I think I’ve done only one pair of flip flops in the past ten days.”
The smaller girl nodded. “And how’s it felt?”
“Honestly? Outside of having to make sure I sit down in the morning instead of remaining standing, it’s been pretty good so far. It’s… I’m sliding into a routine that feels like it fits in better for me. And wasn’t being imposed by my biomod insisting that I needed the extra coping room.”
“And I’m finding she smiles before she gets her first cup of coffee,” Nene added. “That’s just uplifting to see.”
“The smiles do come more naturally, don’t they?” May noted with a nostalgic smile. She also took note of the way Jeph’s eyes seemed to radiate a little bit of joy when Nene referred to her as ‘she’.
“Yeah, they do.” Jeph looked out the window, out over the transit pattern, smiling as in the distance they could see a couple of the big Blue Midgets taking off from the JMC complex. “So, what have you been up to with that expansion?”
“Well, Kit’s personal ship is almost done. Her own custom hull, just like she wanted.”
“Complete with all those options? Wow,” Nene commented, and May nodded, smiling. “She showed me her wish list for it, that’s got to be a pretty nice place she can trick out.”
"I swear, it feels like it was only yesterday she was in an extra server on the Void Eagle, parental controls in place," May sighed. “Of course, given she’s planning on spending a few months out past the Limit, drifting in space and just ‘taking in creation’ as she puts it, I’ve ended up going ahead with more people on the administration side than initially planned…”
The trio remained there until the early evening, sharing stories and taking full and shameless advantage of their biomods to indulge in the Landings comprehensive sweets menu. Eventually, as May took great delight in an unreasonably large chocolate mint chip sundae, the topic came back around to gender, and the confusion around such things.
“Is it wrong of me to envy you a little?” Jeph mused, considering the other woman. May paused, spoon stopping halfway into her mouth, and Jeph shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Maybe it’s a little petty of me, but your biomod was very definite about ‘you’re a woman now, accept it.’”
Taking a moment to consider that (and appreciate the ice cream), May nodded. “No, I can see that. I mean, even when I’ve had doubts and uncertainties, and Gods knows there’s been times, my body provided a rock for me.” She gave her friends a slightly evil smile and ran a hand over her breasts, enjoying the way both sets of eyes lingered on the bounce. “It helps that so much of that ‘rock’ is what I always dreamed of being, even if I didn’t always admit it.”
“Always?” Jeph asked, curious.
"Always." Her expression became more thoughtful as she leaned back. "I used to say I was gender neutral, and not particularly concerned with my gender. That's what I said. What I felt, well, that was a lot more complicated. Heck, if I'm honest, it changed from day to day. Mostly because back then, I was an anxious mess that liked to second guess myself. But deep down, I knew who I was."
Sipping at her drink, Nene frowned thoughtfully. "But you never went ahead and deliberately biomodded?”
May shrugged, then started counting with her fingers. “Well, one, it was helpful to have a safety net in case I got hurt. Which, given the unscientific jerk… yeah. Two, I had this paranoid fear that if I went and deliberately rode the ‘wave like that, something would go wrong."
"Not entirely paranoid," Jeph noted. “Myk’s got a whole folder of examples that I try not to look at too often.”
Pausing to consider that, May couldn’t help but shudder. “Three, I'm a creature of habit. Which is a fancy way of saying I don't do things differently or make big decisions without a lot of mental pushing to get me out of my ‘comfort zone’." She giggled, shaking her head at a memory. "I had my first jar of handwavium for nearly three years before I started seriously using it."
“So you were comfortable enough to not press the issue?” Nene asked.
That question drew a mild frown from the green skinned woman. “No, not exactly comfortable, even if I told myself I was. It was more a pain I was used to, like a bad back. Which ties into the fourth point, which is the big one for me.” Shoulders slumping, she stared at her sundae. “I was scared. Scared of what it would mean, how people would react…" Unconsciously, she began drywashing her hands, as even with friends she knew wouldn't judge her, the fear returned.
Jeph reached across the table and put a hand on May’s, her expression filled with sympathy. “I… I think all of us on this particular biomod train have been there. It’s a big change, and change at that level comes with a certain amount of fear.” Jeph sniffed, her eyes a little wet. “I fully understand all your reasons, if only because I’ve shared them.”
"It's been years since my change," May sniffled. "And the fear is still there. Just waiting for the wrong moment. The wrong person. But that said, I'd much rather be who I am now, as opposed to the old me. To like who I see in the mirror, to be comfortable in simple ways I never could before…" Laughing wryly, she gestured at her skirt and blouse. "If nothing else, I certainly didn't have the figure to pull this off a decade ago."
"That has merit," Jeph agreed with a smile.
Eyes gleaming with a sudden delight, May leaned forward. "And at least you had your realization before certain events." Both the other women looked curious, and she giggled. "Jeph, this means you get to wear a wedding dress." Her eyes lit up even further as she watched the intrigued look cross Jeph’s face as she contemplated this fact. Not to mention the look of absolute glee that crossed Nene’s face.
***
I strode into the bay where Starbug 1 “lived” whenever we were back at Serenity Valley, and approached the deck foreman who was leading the inspection team.
“Alex, what’s the situation you called me about?”
The woman turned… Alexis Blaise was a cyber, of a similar type to Jet Jaguar - ceramic and steel plate armor in red and silver covered most of her body, although her head was more or less human except for the gently glowing blue irises of her eyes.
“Hi, Chief… not anything close to good news I’m afraid.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart sinking a little bit.
“Maybe I should just show you.” She led me inside the ship, into the main common area. Various maintenance personnel were scanning the interior walls, which was itself not a great sign. Much of the bulkhead around the passage to the cockpit had been removed, and that’s where she took me. “It’s mostly visible right around here, Chief.” She indicated along the main support ring that held the connecting collar between the first and second sections of the ship. I scowled - when I’d built the ship 15 years ago, that ring of metal was smooth as could be, but now it was visibly rippled and kinked in one spot. I ran a hand along it, and confirmed that it was definitely no longer smooth.
“...how bad?” I asked, realizing that I already knew the answer.
“It’s extremely bad, I’m afraid. We’ve scanned the entire area forward of this frame, and it’s a similar story. I went ahead and did some more physical exploration in the command area.” We moved forward into the cockpit, where Geo’s entire station had basically been disassembled.
I knelt down, and looked into the hole in the deck where the operations console had been mounted, and down into the inner framing members for the pressure vessel… and there was similar rippling in the main structural rings there as well.
“We’re scanning the whole structure now… but so far, out of every structural member we’ve scanned, every single one of them has exhibited significant metal fatigue.” I brushed my knees off, got back to my feet, and regarded Alex.
“Alex… cut it to me straight.”
Alex sighed, and then looked right into my eyes, dead serious. “The way I’m seeing it right now, Chief, is that Starbug 1 is no longer safe to fly.” She gestured around her. “It’s amazing she’s made it this long… I know she’s the last of the first generation Fenships still active, but it could well be that we’re at the end of that era. And before you ask, no, it’s likely not worth trying to repair all the damage, we’d have to tear her down so far to manage it that we might as well just build a brand new ship.” She put a metal hand on my arm, her expression softening as I felt some tears come to my eyes. “I wish the news was better.”
I sniffed. “No, it’s fine… it’s just… this was my home until the war…” I walked to the pilot station, brushed the latest (and probably last) round of toe gnawings and peanut shells off the seat, and sat down. “I suppose she has had a good run, though… last of the first generation…”
“Probably due to her quirks, Chief. I watched the original show, after all, I know how tough that little Bug was, and I understand that this one was pretty tough too.” She pulled a cable out, and plugged herself into the information officer console, and the displays lit up, showing the range of potential options. “I can forward the options to you, for you to make a decision later, about what we do with her, and if you commission some sort of replacement.”
“Thank you… although... “ I pulled out the antique PDA I always carried, and scrawled out a message with the battered stylus.
Nene, Geo: Come to the Starbug landing bay. We have bad news.
“OK, I sent a message… can… can you send Nene and Geo in here when they get in? I… think we’ll need some time to decide what we’re going to do.”
“Sure thing, Chief.” She unplugged from the console, went to the hatch to the common area, then turned and looked at me sympathetically. “If you need anything, give a call out, OK?”
I nodded, no longer trusting my voice, and Alex left me alone with my thoughts, and the creaking of the pilot’s chair as I rotated around and put a hand on the forward console, patting it gently.
“You’ve done well, old friend… but it’s time for you to rest.”
*****
To: “Those On My Christmas List” (Recipients redacted)
From: “Jeph Antilles” (LordAndMaster@jmc.fen)
Subj: Well, that really really really really sucks
Date: 2023.11.21
Damnit, this feels like we just had an unexpected death in the family.
I just got done reviewing what we can do, I figured it was best before making the announcement.
Starbug 1 has been retired, effective pretty much immediately, due to advanced materials fatigue. My engineers have informed me that the frame is already so badly compromised that she is not safe to fly again, and it’s really not worth trying to get her rebuilt.
We’re still not sure what we’re going to replace her with. Given the distances that can be involved in any trips we take, we can’t go to relying on Cerulean Edge or Mogwai for most of our travel. I know one thing we’re not doing; once Starbug 2 reaches retirement, we won’t have any more Starbugs in the little fleet. I don’t think we could build a Starbug 3 that would feel right as a Home Away From Home like Starbug 1 really was at the end. That, and I’m not sure we can risk the potential quirks.
*****
Walking into the bay, May took in the sight of Starbug 1, parked in its usual mount. For a moment, it felt like any other visit, until she saw the caution signs someone had set up around the ship. Sighing, she walked over to one of the elderly ship’s landing struts, gently tapping it and watching the familiar wobble. “It’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere,” she sang quietly, eyes watering. “I’m all alone, more or less…”
<That line’s never been accurate for this ship.> Turning, the small orion woman watched as the familiar sight of Geo rolled across the bay towards her, coming to a halt next to her. <Heya pixie. Looking for the boss?>
May shook her head, grateful yet again that whatever mystery of the ‘wave allowed her to understand Teeseven extended to other Astromechs. “No, just… I needed to say goodbye to the old girl. There’ll probably be others.”
<Old timers are welcome,> Geo replied with a dismissive beep. <Fenboys can go walk out an airlock.> After considering the droid for a long moment, May rested a hand on the top of the droids leg joint. <What?> he protested, his ‘head’ swiveling to look at her. She just gave him a patient look, and after a moment he let out a low, long beep, the astromech equivalent of a sigh. <Yeah… Yeah.>
“Want to talk about it?” she offered.
<I’m not sure I want to,> Geo admitted. <But maybe I need to. Get it on file, you know? Normally I’d probably just vent to the boss, or Nene, but, well...?>
“They’re working out their hardware issue, on top of all this?” May said, gesturing at Starbug 1. To her surprise, that particular comment got a reaction out of Geo, several panels opening slightly automatically. “What?”
<Hardware… that’s… I hadn’t thought of it that way before.>
She shrugged slightly. “It’s not a perfect droid comparison, but it works as a starting point. I think I used it with Teeseven one time when trying to explain the concept to him.”
Geo’s optic lens lost focus, the droid considering the matter for a moment. <Incompatible operating system working with the wrong… hmm… And she’s been dealing with this since the biomod, no, longer...?> He sighed again, lens refocusing on her. <Organics are confusing.> There was something off about the droidspeak, something May couldn’t recall hearing in the years she’d known him.
After a moment, she realized what it was, and she had to repress a wince. “Yeah, we are. It’s been getting to you, hasn’t it?”
Spinning on the spot, Geo rolled closer to Starbug 1. <How am I supposed to help out the boss when it’s a problem I can barely even conceive, let alone understand? She’s been hurting, maybe for longer than I’ve been alive, and I barely even noticed until all this happened?> He rolled back and forth across the hanger, May watching him in concern. <And now Starbug… Even it knew!> His conversation partner tilted her head in confusion, and Geo’s optic locked onto her. <It’s been getting worn down, and I never noticed. Then Nene helps Jeph, we land, and… I notice it didn’t feel right.>
Stopping in place, Geo looked up at the elderly ship. <It was holding on. For her.> He barely noticed as May came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him as best she could. <Now it… she’ll never fly again, not in any way that matters.> He fell silent, and May let the moment linger, as Geo ran his optic over as much of the ship as possible, as though it could vanish at any moment. <I was there the most. Back when we were building her, I mean.>
“Oh?”
<Yeah. Jeph still had responsibilities, and Nene could at least go out in public. But me?> He laughed, a distorted ‘blat’ that echoed around the empty bay. <If I went wandering around in Colorado back then, it wouldn’t go well for anyone. Me least of all. So I spent a lot of time in that barn, mixing up ‘wavium, welding the pipes, arranging chicken wire… There was so much paper mache,> he added, sounding almost nostalgic for a moment.
Giggling softly to herself, May looked up at the ship again. “The first Fen ships really were a demonstration in reckless enthusiasm,” she noted, thinking of the Void Eagle. "And the second generation too. If nothing else, I had my star wars DVDs and game discs vanish into the Void somewhere…"
<I think that was when I realized just how incredible the goop really was,> Geo noted. <I mean, I knew it literally MADE Nene and me, but with that, I woke up in a bathtub after it was done. When you watch the impossible happen in front of you… She really was magic.>
May nodded in understanding. “She still is. In the ways that matter, she always will be.”
*****
I sighed, looking out over the still ruddy, roiling lower atmosphere of Venus, and the single bright speck visible in the distance just above it. Nene glanced over at me.
"What's wrong? Second thoughts?"
I looked at Nene, sniffed, and looked back out at the bright speck again.
"No. No second thoughts at all. Just more than a little anticipation." I turned and looked back at our passengers... Geo was laying down in the back cargo area of Mogwai (the only way he'd damned well fit other than the front seat), and Myk, sitting in what, 40 years ago, was my position on the driver's side of the rear bench seat when the little white Gremlin was owned by my parents, smiled, and turned back to key the radio up.
"CQ CQ CQ, Magellan Control, this is shuttle Mogwai out of Green Planetoidy, please come in, over."
"Shuttle Mogwai, this is Magellan Control, we read your signal at 90%, and we have you on the radar track now. We have Underside Bay #4 ready to receive you." There was a pause. "Can you confirm if your visit with us today is Business or Pleasure? Over."
That was the cue; the last question was only ever asked of anyone who had a more intimate reason to come, one of the last points that one could decide, nah, and do one of the former. No one but someone scheduled for the Oath of Venus would ever be asked that before docking.
"Magellan, this is Mogwai, our purpose is for neither, this is a personal trip this time. Over."
Another pause. "Understood, Mogwai, we will have the carpet laid out for you, Underside Bay #4 is ready, Magellan out."
"Underside Bay #4, understood and confirmed, Mogwai out."
It only took a few minutes from there for me to park the old car in the indicated bay underneath the giant piece of Lunar Unreal Estate that held up Crystal Tokyo itself. On the wall opposite the door was a sign that read, "WARNING DO NOT DISEMBARK UNTIL ALL LIGHTS AROUND SIGN ARE GREEN" with a single red light above it.
That light went out, flashed, then the whole border of the sign lit up green in a way that lit the entire bay up and overpowered any of the white light in it.
"Well, guess they really wanted to be sure after that last accident," Myk commented dryly as we disembarked. It took only a little effort to lever Geo out of the back and onto his feet.
<Pardon me if I take the fucking bus next time, Boss,> Geo griped. <I really don't like riding like that, it cramps my servos.> I knelt down, and placed a hand on Geo's leg joint.
"I love you too, Geo, and I know you're worried... don't hide it behind the sarcasm this time, OK?"
<You do know this isn't just another contract, right?> Geo said, <I know it's really you, but what about everyone else? To all too many of them, you'll be a whole new person walking out of there.>
"Most of the people that matter have probably figured it out years ago, and already accepted it," I said. "Any who haven't and think this would be an issue, can go pound powdered asteroids for all I care."
Geo twitched his holoprojector up, and cheerily chirped. <OK. I just wanted to make sure, Boss. You're the Boss, and as long as you're the happy boss I like to see, then it's what we do.>
"Good. You're the best astromech this side of Pluto."
<I wouldn't go nearly that far, Boss,> he replied. <I didn't sacrifice my leg to save people.>
Speaking of such things, when we entered the airlock proper, one of the faces of our honor guard was familiar, but took me several moments to figure out.
"We're here to escort you and yours, Captain," said the young... I'd guess teenaged, girl, with blue hair and an earnest look that was almost infectious. She was dressed in what appeared to be the costume of some sort, but not the typical Sammie or Sailor type, although it had a lot of the same sort of hallmarks - white dress with red details, and an armor chestplate, pauldrons and greaves in bright red, all with a vaguely scifi sort of air to it. "Hero Stratos, part of the new ARKS division!"
I blinked as the pieces fell into place. At the end of the rushed evacuations of Crystal Osaka, we'd been forced to load Starbug 1 with as many people as I dared fit without jettisoning more equipment, and three of them were a family, with a young girl with blue hair that happened to answer to the name Stratos. I could feel the smile hit my face.
"Oh my, it's been years! And I see you've taken inspiration from somewhere."
"Mm. I was inspired by you to pursue being a Hero. And it turns out I'm one of the first of a new type here! ARKS!"
"ARKS... isn't that one of the newer MMO inspired groups?" She nodded, smiling brightly.
"Yeah... Artificial Relict to Keep Safety!" I winced at the really awkward acronym... someone was going to have to get hurt for that one. Preferably to the theme song of Mister Ed. Any guess for me as to whether it was the source material or the fandom. Then she paused, dialing down her energy and becoming more serious. "When they asked for volunteers for your honor guard, I remembered how you saved so many of us when the city was falling into the deep atmosphere. I... I figured it was a way for me to pay it back, just a little."
I smiled. "I'm honored... and you've already paid me back by reaching for so much of that potential that you have."
“And the honor is all mine to escort you today!” She looked over my party, and nodded, her posture straightening as she came to full attention. “Captain Antilles, are you prepared? And these three will accompany you?”
“I am. And they will.”
"Captain Antilles, please approach." I stepped forward. At this point, it was all about the ritual. "You have petitioned to take the Oath of Venus - to ask that all of Fenspace treat you as a gender that may not have matched that which you were originally perceived to be. This is not a step to be taken lightly. Do you still wish to proceed?"
"Your Grace, I do still wish to proceed. This is something I have to do for myself, to affirm an identity that, like so many others, I tried too hard to bury."
"Very well. Captain Antilles, of Ganymede, of the Jupiter Mining Corporation, Companion of the Order of the Crescent, your petition has been read, and approved. Will you go forward, and spread your Love and Justice, secure in the Knowledge and Truth we affirm today of who you are? To never waver from your course in your Truth and Honesty?"
"I will."
"And will you continue, as you have before this, to let your Light guide your actions? And to be the Light to guide others?"
"I will. Without hesitation."
"Then step forward, and take the Draught, and complete this Leg of your Journey towards your Truth."
I stepped forward, and took the proffered glass... four ounces of green liquid. This was mostly symbolic for me, given that I'm already biomodded, but it was part of the ritual. The only difference for most was whether it was some form of liquid Guacamole or not, and what the specific drink was that was the vehicle.
I'd chosen Lime Koolaid. Because, well, that's what was the base for the Guacamole variant I'd made that Nene had administered to me, over ten years before, and it just seemed appropriate now, to drink it to finish this particular phase of my life. Which I did, knocking back the overly sweet liquid in one quick slug.
There was a brief flash of memory sparked by the taste, the feel of my back thumping the side of Cerulean Edge, my hands clutching at the spikes that had been driven into me by the booby trap, Nene screaming, the inhaler shoved into my mouth, and then it faded just as quickly. Unlike previous times… I didn’t freak out, it just washed over me and vanished, leaving little to no trace like it had in times past, not overwhelming my senses and making me forget where and when I was. Instead, I felt something… finally settle deep inside me, almost like a joint popping back into place or a muscle loosening up after being massaged, that had been tight and out of place for so long that I’d stopped noticing it.