Here's my idea for my entry into Fenspace. Part tramp steamer, part news van, part data haven. All disfunctional family. Comments? Complaints? Nitpicks? Flames?
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Ship Name: The Inelegant Truth
Created by Jonathon Helscher (Herr Bad Moon)
Registry Number: SPS-253
Base Hull: 175ft Alaskan Commercial Crab Fisher
Drive Type: Speed (Cruising: .07c Flank: .09c)
Owner of Record: Jonathon Helscher
Flag of Record: Nominally United States of America, but only if you squint
Purpose: Medium cargo hauler and news cataloger
Launched: April 27th, 2009
Crew:
Jonathon Helscher, Captain/Owner/Action! Historian
Cynthia Gunderson, First Officer/Pilot/Ship Surgeon
Deidrict Dieter Gunderson, Engineer
Percival Perry Doper, Communications Officer/System Administrator/AI Psychologist
Jeremiah Breckenridge, Security/Bodyguard/Cook
Toni, Ship Gopher/Official Ship Kid Sister
Supplementary Crew:
Callisto (Ship AI)
Gay Deceiver (L.R.D.'s AI)
Brother-Captain Galvius (Mainframe AI)
Supplementary Vehicles:
L.R.D. (Little Red Deathtrap): Handwaved 1990 GEO Metro. Serves as all purpose ship shuttle. Gay Deceiver vehicle AI.
Little Nicky: Handwaved jet ski which serves as a sort of space ATV for when the crew goes EVA.
Known Vehicle Quirks:
* She dives like a crippled whale: - Despite being equipped with a speed drive, given a straight line to go in, the Truth can make faster headway than her outward appearance and even engine capabilities would indicate, but can't turn worth a damn and can be out maneuvered by ships of similar speed. No amount of tinkering with the engines has yet to improve this state.
* Rough Seas Ahead: - Whenever ship speeds exceed .06c, the Truth will begin to exhibit gravitational anomalies that resemble a ship rolling in rough seas. Increasing to flank exacerbates this.
* Gravity's a fickle bitch: - Whenever the ship enters its night, artificial gravity ceases to work until dawn. Nobody knows why this happens, so everyone sleeps in sleeping bags that are anchored to the floor.
* Bitch, get your hands OFF my men! - The ship AI Callisto is jealously protective of the male members of the crew, treating any women that speak to them with deep suspicion, let alone those who board her. This barely hidden hostility becomes an order of a magnitude worse for girl AIs that the Truth comes in contact with. This makes the crew something of social pariahs in some fendoms, and like B.A. on A-Team, the crew have to come up with lurid and increasingly ridiculous ways to work around this. This jealously does extend somewhat to First Officer Cynthia, but not to ragamuffin Toni, who's too much of a cutie pie.
* While the enemies of the Emperor still draw breath, there can be no peace: - Something went wonky with the application of handwavium to Jon's personal computer during its uplifting to its current status as super!computer. The AI was supposed to be a nondescript male of the faceless office worker type. But somebody didn't do a good job of purging the hard drive so instead, what was created was one with the heroic, if scary and kinda evil religious zealots of the Imperial Space Marines of the Gamers Workshop variety. Brother Captain Galvius thinks of himself as a fallen soldier serving as a machine spirit entombed in a virtual coffin. He considers Jon to be his Chapter Master and the other members of his crew to fill various roles in line with those in the Empire of Man. Given the state of relations with most of the governments on Holy Terra, and the Truth, Galvius believes they have come under the influence of foul Chaos sorcery and encourages anybody who will listen their next job should be to burn the heretics. Still, he does his job of data retrieval and broadcast of Jon's writing with competence. His security functions are actually kind of scary after you really look at them, and Perry gets queasy just thinking about it.
* The enemy of my enemy is my enemies' enemy: - The three principle AIs that live on the Truth all hate each other. If allowed, they will bicker to an extent that ship efficiency will drop 30% until they are hard lock separated from each other's networks.
Known Crew Quirks:
* Are we there yet? - The social dynamics on board eerily resemble those of a family on an extend road trip, constantly getting on each others nerves and only getting along when they can jump ship for a day or two. And though Cynthia has reluctantly taken up the role of Ship Mom, nobody wants to be the Dad. Jon owns, and theoretically is in charge, of the boat, but he acts more like a passenger and only gives orders akin to go here how fast can we get to Luna? and Hey, I just got off the comm with some of those weirdo's in charge of terraforming Venus. Yeah.... we can't go back there for awhile. And guess where we gotta be by Friday. Dieter gives ever indication of settling into the surly uncle model. Perry is too busy trying to avoid having a nervous breakdown keeping the peace between the AIs. And Jeremiah says that he doesn't get paid enough for that. Toni just rolls her eyes at not being asked her opinion.
* Fighting the media is like wrestling with pigs. You might win but you will get dirty: - Don't call them journalists. Just don't. It won't end well.
* This will keep me from curing cancer, making it so my birthday isn't a national holiday. And you know how much I hate to work on my birthday! - Cynthia has very little patients for all things Fen. While in med school, she was tolerantly amused by a roommate that was really into Buffy and Angel, but living in Fendom has left her stressed out and jaded. Geeking out over something in her prescene causes a angry explosion in a one to one ratio.
* They kick high.... really high: - Perry's has a poorly hidden facination with magical girl shows and the members of Crystal Millenium and would have eventually joined the faction if he hadn't taken a job as sysadmin for a apparent cargo hauler. His mood improves when in contact with fellow enthusiasts, but this doesn't happen often given the rest of the crews scorn for the genre.
* F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you! You're cool. F*ck you! I'm out. - Dieter Gunderson hates everyone on board except his daughter Cynthia, and only stays on because he can't bear to see his beloved ship captained into an asteroid by some punk suburbanite kid who never had to really work for a living. So he sits in the engine room or the cargo hold, tinkering with various hardtech fixes. But even there, when he can almost forget he's not hurtling through the vacuum of space, he still hates everyone. So very much.
* And Iiiiiiii will alwaaaaays luv youuuuuu! - Jeremiah is a former Secret Service agent, who left under undisclosed reasons. Physically imposing at 6'3 and having played tight end for Maryland, he knows how to use it for intimidation factors when necessary. He makes a mean curry though.
* If this were cave man times I'd be married and have kids! - The runaway orphan answering only as Toni has a tendency to be moody, short tempered, sarcastic, flighty, lazy, smug, and frankly a gigantic bitch at times. So she's a normal teenager. On a crab fisher. In space.
Faction: Technically none, though Jonathon is a member of the Blue Blazer Irregulars.
Home Port: Port of Tacoma, Washington State, United States of America, Earth
Current Location: Northern polar orbit around Mars
Status: ACTIVE
Trivia:
* The Inelegant Truth used to be the rusting hulk of the commercial crab fisher Autumnal Equinox, owned by Dieter. Dieter lost it in a drunken card game to Jon in the spring of 2008. Nobody knows this, but Jon was cheating in the last hand when he managed to mark the aces. To this day, Jon's ashamed of this act but will never admit it.
* The Truth serves as the base and transport for Jon's quasi-journalistic enterprise that's part blog, part gonzo reporting, part living library. She runs cargo on the side to keep the ship running and the crew fed and paid. Accusations of actual journalism annoy the crew to no end.
* The Truth mounts an aft mounted deck cannon taken from a WWII era submarine, waved to fire in space and modified do so without a crew. Towards the bow is the turret system that was scavenged from a Sherman tank. Welded and sealed to the hull and jury rigged with a firing system that can rotate the turret far faster than the original could. These, along with the ships speed, serve as the primary deterrence from Black Hats.
* Even though the car AI Gay Deceiver was named after the car from several Robert Heinlein books, Jon doesn't actually like any of them overly much. The only other car AI name he could think of was K.I.T.T and Gay's gender ended up being female so nix went that plan. He does finish all conversations with her by saying you're a smart girl, Gay, mostly because she likes it and doesn't start as many fights with Callisto.---------------
-Jon
Being the Mariner hitting coach is like being the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts.
-Poster on USSMariner.com
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"
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Ship Name: The Inelegant Truth
Created by Jonathon Helscher (Herr Bad Moon)
Registry Number: SPS-253
Base Hull: 175ft Alaskan Commercial Crab Fisher
Drive Type: Speed (Cruising: .07c Flank: .09c)
Owner of Record: Jonathon Helscher
Flag of Record: Nominally United States of America, but only if you squint
Purpose: Medium cargo hauler and news cataloger
Launched: April 27th, 2009
Crew:
Jonathon Helscher, Captain/Owner/Action! Historian
Cynthia Gunderson, First Officer/Pilot/Ship Surgeon
Deidrict Dieter Gunderson, Engineer
Percival Perry Doper, Communications Officer/System Administrator/AI Psychologist
Jeremiah Breckenridge, Security/Bodyguard/Cook
Toni, Ship Gopher/Official Ship Kid Sister
Supplementary Crew:
Callisto (Ship AI)
Gay Deceiver (L.R.D.'s AI)
Brother-Captain Galvius (Mainframe AI)
Supplementary Vehicles:
L.R.D. (Little Red Deathtrap): Handwaved 1990 GEO Metro. Serves as all purpose ship shuttle. Gay Deceiver vehicle AI.
Little Nicky: Handwaved jet ski which serves as a sort of space ATV for when the crew goes EVA.
Known Vehicle Quirks:
* She dives like a crippled whale: - Despite being equipped with a speed drive, given a straight line to go in, the Truth can make faster headway than her outward appearance and even engine capabilities would indicate, but can't turn worth a damn and can be out maneuvered by ships of similar speed. No amount of tinkering with the engines has yet to improve this state.
* Rough Seas Ahead: - Whenever ship speeds exceed .06c, the Truth will begin to exhibit gravitational anomalies that resemble a ship rolling in rough seas. Increasing to flank exacerbates this.
* Gravity's a fickle bitch: - Whenever the ship enters its night, artificial gravity ceases to work until dawn. Nobody knows why this happens, so everyone sleeps in sleeping bags that are anchored to the floor.
* Bitch, get your hands OFF my men! - The ship AI Callisto is jealously protective of the male members of the crew, treating any women that speak to them with deep suspicion, let alone those who board her. This barely hidden hostility becomes an order of a magnitude worse for girl AIs that the Truth comes in contact with. This makes the crew something of social pariahs in some fendoms, and like B.A. on A-Team, the crew have to come up with lurid and increasingly ridiculous ways to work around this. This jealously does extend somewhat to First Officer Cynthia, but not to ragamuffin Toni, who's too much of a cutie pie.
* While the enemies of the Emperor still draw breath, there can be no peace: - Something went wonky with the application of handwavium to Jon's personal computer during its uplifting to its current status as super!computer. The AI was supposed to be a nondescript male of the faceless office worker type. But somebody didn't do a good job of purging the hard drive so instead, what was created was one with the heroic, if scary and kinda evil religious zealots of the Imperial Space Marines of the Gamers Workshop variety. Brother Captain Galvius thinks of himself as a fallen soldier serving as a machine spirit entombed in a virtual coffin. He considers Jon to be his Chapter Master and the other members of his crew to fill various roles in line with those in the Empire of Man. Given the state of relations with most of the governments on Holy Terra, and the Truth, Galvius believes they have come under the influence of foul Chaos sorcery and encourages anybody who will listen their next job should be to burn the heretics. Still, he does his job of data retrieval and broadcast of Jon's writing with competence. His security functions are actually kind of scary after you really look at them, and Perry gets queasy just thinking about it.
* The enemy of my enemy is my enemies' enemy: - The three principle AIs that live on the Truth all hate each other. If allowed, they will bicker to an extent that ship efficiency will drop 30% until they are hard lock separated from each other's networks.
Known Crew Quirks:
* Are we there yet? - The social dynamics on board eerily resemble those of a family on an extend road trip, constantly getting on each others nerves and only getting along when they can jump ship for a day or two. And though Cynthia has reluctantly taken up the role of Ship Mom, nobody wants to be the Dad. Jon owns, and theoretically is in charge, of the boat, but he acts more like a passenger and only gives orders akin to go here how fast can we get to Luna? and Hey, I just got off the comm with some of those weirdo's in charge of terraforming Venus. Yeah.... we can't go back there for awhile. And guess where we gotta be by Friday. Dieter gives ever indication of settling into the surly uncle model. Perry is too busy trying to avoid having a nervous breakdown keeping the peace between the AIs. And Jeremiah says that he doesn't get paid enough for that. Toni just rolls her eyes at not being asked her opinion.
* Fighting the media is like wrestling with pigs. You might win but you will get dirty: - Don't call them journalists. Just don't. It won't end well.
* This will keep me from curing cancer, making it so my birthday isn't a national holiday. And you know how much I hate to work on my birthday! - Cynthia has very little patients for all things Fen. While in med school, she was tolerantly amused by a roommate that was really into Buffy and Angel, but living in Fendom has left her stressed out and jaded. Geeking out over something in her prescene causes a angry explosion in a one to one ratio.
* They kick high.... really high: - Perry's has a poorly hidden facination with magical girl shows and the members of Crystal Millenium and would have eventually joined the faction if he hadn't taken a job as sysadmin for a apparent cargo hauler. His mood improves when in contact with fellow enthusiasts, but this doesn't happen often given the rest of the crews scorn for the genre.
* F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you! You're cool. F*ck you! I'm out. - Dieter Gunderson hates everyone on board except his daughter Cynthia, and only stays on because he can't bear to see his beloved ship captained into an asteroid by some punk suburbanite kid who never had to really work for a living. So he sits in the engine room or the cargo hold, tinkering with various hardtech fixes. But even there, when he can almost forget he's not hurtling through the vacuum of space, he still hates everyone. So very much.
* And Iiiiiiii will alwaaaaays luv youuuuuu! - Jeremiah is a former Secret Service agent, who left under undisclosed reasons. Physically imposing at 6'3 and having played tight end for Maryland, he knows how to use it for intimidation factors when necessary. He makes a mean curry though.
* If this were cave man times I'd be married and have kids! - The runaway orphan answering only as Toni has a tendency to be moody, short tempered, sarcastic, flighty, lazy, smug, and frankly a gigantic bitch at times. So she's a normal teenager. On a crab fisher. In space.
Faction: Technically none, though Jonathon is a member of the Blue Blazer Irregulars.
Home Port: Port of Tacoma, Washington State, United States of America, Earth
Current Location: Northern polar orbit around Mars
Status: ACTIVE
Trivia:
* The Inelegant Truth used to be the rusting hulk of the commercial crab fisher Autumnal Equinox, owned by Dieter. Dieter lost it in a drunken card game to Jon in the spring of 2008. Nobody knows this, but Jon was cheating in the last hand when he managed to mark the aces. To this day, Jon's ashamed of this act but will never admit it.
* The Truth serves as the base and transport for Jon's quasi-journalistic enterprise that's part blog, part gonzo reporting, part living library. She runs cargo on the side to keep the ship running and the crew fed and paid. Accusations of actual journalism annoy the crew to no end.
* The Truth mounts an aft mounted deck cannon taken from a WWII era submarine, waved to fire in space and modified do so without a crew. Towards the bow is the turret system that was scavenged from a Sherman tank. Welded and sealed to the hull and jury rigged with a firing system that can rotate the turret far faster than the original could. These, along with the ships speed, serve as the primary deterrence from Black Hats.
* Even though the car AI Gay Deceiver was named after the car from several Robert Heinlein books, Jon doesn't actually like any of them overly much. The only other car AI name he could think of was K.I.T.T and Gay's gender ended up being female so nix went that plan. He does finish all conversations with her by saying you're a smart girl, Gay, mostly because she likes it and doesn't start as many fights with Callisto.---------------
-Jon
Being the Mariner hitting coach is like being the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts.
-Poster on USSMariner.com
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"
