As I began to make my way through the process of Con registration, I thought about that wiley Professor and how we had met just a year or so ago...
***
"We had a little accident up here and need an emergency delivery of supplies. How many kilograms of coffee could you deliver?" asked the lab-coated man on my monitor. "And mountain dew syrup?"
"As much as you can fit on a VW Jetta," I replied. "Which could be fairly substantial if you weren't picky about where and how you packed it on."
"That will do," the scientist said eagerly. "We ran out of mountain dew syrup. Which just so happens to be what the engines run on. It's cheaper in bulk per gram of caffeine than coffee you, see."
I grinned at that. "Ah, but of course. I can have a full load out to you in... Lets see, where are you at right now?"
"Europa. As in the moon, not the continent. Put one little monument to productive use and all of a sudden you become a persona-no-grata."
I was suddenly stricken with an explosive case of the snickers. "Oh, so that was you. My hat's off to you then, sir. I can be there with your shipment in about twelve Earth-Hours. Sound good to you?"
"That will do. Fifty kilograms of coffee then and 200 liters of mountain dew syrup."
"Gotcha then, Prof. Gimme an hour for procurement and about Ten hours transit. I'll have my AI forward you the billing info." This was followed by some highly exuberant form of vocal agreement that consisted of barely intelligible praises to the Fair Mother of Science. With that, the connection was cut and I pinged Gina.
"So? We got a job?" she said.
"Yup. Fifty kilos of coffee and two hundred liters of 'Dew syrup concentrate."
She synthesized an appreciative whistle at that. "It's gonna be a packed-in load."
"Not too packed in I think. Anyhow, go ahead and procure the order for me. I'm forwarding the billing information to you now."
"No sweat."
It did indeed take me all of an hour to get the cargo loaded into the Jetta. Between the trunk and the back seat, I was able to get all eleven five-gallon bag-in-boxes of Dew loaded without a problem. It was as close as I could get to two hundred liters without stiffing the guy. The fifty kilos of Coffee, equivalent to about one hundred and ten pounds, fit easily in the front seat.
As opposed to my usual patterns, I didn't sleep through the trip until we hit the Jovian system. I had just come off a full twelve hours of sleep after being awake for nearly thirty-six hours.
The first view I had of the Sol Bianca was definitely impressive. At almost 80 meters long, she completely dwarfed Gina. The ship had seen better days though. Odd constructs where sticking out of the once clean white hull, but the clean lines and decorative gilded embellishments were still visible. I shook my head at the sight and sighed. He was probably so busy with other stuff that he didn't have any time to do anything about the state of his ship. At least it wasn't quite as bad as some of the kludge jobs I'd seen, but all the same, the Galaxy Express 999 it was certainly not. Oh well.
"Yo, Ben," said the AI all the sudden. "They're hailing us."
"Good, so they know we're here. Put 'em on the Driver's Side, would ya?" I said as I reached up and pulled down the LCD display.
"Channel's open."
"This is Bullet Boy Express to Sol Bianca, inbound with a big shipment of Java and Dew for the Professor. How would ya like me to link up with you?"
"Oh thank goodness you are here," said a cute blue haired schoolgirl as she winked onto said display. "I'm opening the hangar bay now. Can you use nav-markers?"
I restrained myself from making comments about the kawaii-factor and said, "No sweat, kiddo. Send me the data stream, Gina can handle whatever you chuck at her."
"Transmitting now. Welcome aboard the Sol Bianca."
***
The packed, silver VW Jetta swung neatly and nimbly into the docking bay, oddly resembling the DeLorian from the Back To The Future movies because of the way the wheels went from being vertical thrusters to normal wheels as it touched down. The only difference here was that I didn't have about a half-ton of nuclear fusion reactor in the back. That was in the engine compartment instead. How the hell the Handwavium had turned the Volkswagen internal combustion engine into a fusion turbine equivalent was beyond me. It probably hadn't help that I was severely sleep deprived at the time I was working on it.
Once Gina gave me the all clear, I got out and stretched my legs. As packed in as it was in there, I at least didn't have to put myself through any discomfort to make this delivery. But still, ten hours is ten hours and it feels very good to get an almighty-big stretch that would put any and all neko-girls to shame.
Speaking of girls, I didn't expect to be greeted by two worried looking examples of the species, one of which immediately went of with a BIB of syrup. I definitely didn't expect her to be in such a hurry that she tore the lid of my trunk off.
"You have to forgive Catty," said the other as I stared in shock at the hatchway she'd disappeared through. "We aren't quite sure how much longer the backup generator will hold out. We will of course cover the repairs."
"Ah, okay then," I said as I began to realize what was next. "But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
"SHE DID WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" screamed the AI on the stereo system, causing all in the area-of-effect to wince. "Let me at her! I'll kill her!" continued Gina, well on her way to a rant session and revving the fusion turbine for effect. "No, I'll torture her and then kill her!"
"While I agree her haste is unbecoming, that seems a little extreme," said the girl. "We will of course do everything we can to apologize for her behavior... Oh I'm sorry I didn't get your name, I'm Miyu, the girl who just left is Catty."
"Uh, the name's Ben, this is Gina, and excuse me while I stop her from going on a homicidal rampage." I then went to the front of the car and place my hands down on the hood, as though I could really stop her if she got it in her head to cause some mayhem. "Gina, it's okay, I'll fix it. Happy place, Gina. Remember your happy place?"
At that moment the door opened and the blue haired girl who greeted me, entered.
"Oh my I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said cheerfully. "I wanted to thank you for the speedy delivery. I hope you will stay a while, it is not often that we get visitors."
"killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill" uttered the AI inanely despite what was going on.
"Ah, yeah, thanks, just give me a moment to calm Gina down here."
The blue hair girl then did something that was either very stupid or very gutsy. She Walked up to the car, gently rested her hand on it, and smiled. "Come now I'm sure there isn't a reason to be so upset."
"SHE DAMAGED MY BODY!" raved Gina as she threw the front end up on the hydraulics.
"I know she did, Gina!" I said desperately - a half ton of Handwavium-enhanced space-faring automobile was not something I needed rampaging around in here. "I promise I'll fix it right away! I'll even throw in a new wax and tire job!"
Suddenly, she became silent. "Throw in a tune up and I MIGHT! reconsider."
I sighed with a combination of relief and exasperation. "Deal."
Relaxing slightly now that her fellow crew member was no longer being threatened Miyu stepped closer. "I already told you Gina-san we will take care of everything."
In response to that, Gina only harrumphed.
"Why don't I show you to your quarters?" said Ryoko, turning to me. "You must be tired after such a long trip. We prepared the royal guest suite for you."
I sighed once more now that the adrenaline was starting to die down a bit. "Yes thank you. And I'd advise that you just go ahead and let me handle the repairs. Gina is extremely particular about who handles that sort of business."
"As you wish Ben-san, though if we can be of any help please don't hesitate to ask." Answered Miyu.
"Thank you. Soooo, where is this Professor fellow anyways?" I could feel the big, shit-eating grin begin to form on my face. "I wanted to thank him personally for pantsing so many tight-asses on Earth."
"He is unfortunately still asleep. We didn't want to try waking him without coffee. do you mind if we finish unloading without you here?"
For a brief moment, imagery of another incident occurring and Gina going absolutely nuts blowing the Sol Bianca to hell flitted through my head.
"Ahh, I'd better help."
"Very well." Walking over to the wall mounted communicator she called out, "Catty please get back here. We need to unload the supplies." Suiting action to deed in a manner of moments the car was emptied between the four of them. And, after a pointed elbow from Miyu, Catty cheerfully apologized to Gina. The AI had only barely and grudgingly accepted the apology. With that out of the way, Ryoko led the way to my room chattering cheerfully all the while about the history of the ship and whatever experiment she caught me eying. The Interior of the Sol Bianca was surreal, even for a fenspace ship. The hallway was very posh with a very nice looking carpet on the floors and wood paneling on the walls, but the beauty was marred by various hodgepodge additions. There where tubes with bubbling fluids in them,circuit boards mounted on the walls with blinking lights, one section even looked organic, and some of the rooms I looked into seemed larger than they should be, though it could just be an optical illusion. The quarters themselves where without doubt the most expensive suite I had ever stayed at, almost everything being made from hardwood, and with tasteful gilding and the window gave a spectacular view of Jupiter.
"Thank you kindly, Ryoko," I said as I turned back to my guide. "Would it be possible for you to send a tool kit to the dock in a couple hours?"
"Of course, if you need anything just use the intercom. I assume you'll also be needing tires and a waxing machine?"
"Whatever you could supply would be appreciated, thank you."
"You are welcome. Good night."
Once I was alone, I kicked off my shoes, ditched my Rocketeer jacket on the couch and hit the hay. When I awoke, I checked the time - it'd been about five hours. I was actually more used to sleeping in short bursts like this rather than the long twelve hour naps, and so I crawled out of bed, slipped the shoes and jacket back on, and gave the intercom a buzz.
"I hope you slept well," answered Ryoko. "Gina is a fascinating conversationalist. Everything you should need is in the hangar. Do I need to come fetch you or can you find the way here by yourself?"
That made me blink in mild surprise. Usually when Gina talks to someone it's to cause general mayhem. I would have to look into this and make certain that she did not scare off a potential regular.
"No thank you, I can find it on my own."
***
I could have sworn that the hangar was over here, I thought to myself, as I wandered past Tesla Coils that I hadn't noticed yesterday. I did, however, hear some muttering and a banging noise that signified someone at work. Since I was not one of those cliche types of men who never stops for directions, I figured I could ask whoever was making that racket... As long as he didn't mind being disturbed. I followed the sounds, dodging the occasional light-show from the coils, and opened the door from which the noises came. Suddenly I ducked just in time as something flew over my head, propelled by a mighty explosion to embed itself in the wall behind me. Turning back around and looking into the room there was a somewhat charred individual in a lab coat, grinning from ear to ear.
"It worked! It worked! Well sort of, but this is just the first step, no challenge is too great for the Power of SCIENCE!"
"That's great and all, Professor Toasty," I chimed in, "but can it direct me to where I parked my car?"
"Oh sorry I didn't see you there," said the seemingly mad scientist in a quite congenial manner. "You should be careful. There are all kinds of dangerous things down here, like those." He said pointing to a bunch of broken containers with bio-hazard signs. I blinked at that and I began to get very worried.
"Oh no not again." He then sighed and went on, "I'll lead you to the hangar, I need to head over there to brew up the counter-agent anyway."
"..... Should I be worried? I'm not about to be attacked by radioactive spiders or something, am I?"
"Oh no, the worst that will happen is that your hair turns green and get sudden cravings for bratwurst." I suddenly had the most peculiar imagery of Kyouichi Saionji from Revolutionary Girl Utena going hog-wild on brats. "Quite a disappointment. It was meant to help remove the language barrier by having everyone speak Engrish, but instead it causes people to speak French. Bah"
"Oh? And who would be so deserving of such a fate?" I asked, a smile creeping across my face at the thought of certain 'Danelaw politicians being affected by such a thing.
***
And so it went back then. What followed was a month long series of collaborative projects in which I finally managed to arm Gina as I had always wanted to and got my bio-mod done. It would be nice to get to see him again and catch up with what he's been up to. I noted in the Con schedule that he was going to be giving a speech and resolved to be there to hear it - he was such a fun motivational speaker.
So, with registration out of the way, I began to make my way to a the bar. This was gonna be problematic because not only was I a BNF, but, through a lucky draw from the genetic deck, I was a natural born bishounen. In fact, no sooner than I got into the main concourse did I hear a fuku-clad girl squeal.
"IT'S RUHODESU-SAMA!!!"
Oh boy. Time to run...
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
***
"We had a little accident up here and need an emergency delivery of supplies. How many kilograms of coffee could you deliver?" asked the lab-coated man on my monitor. "And mountain dew syrup?"
"As much as you can fit on a VW Jetta," I replied. "Which could be fairly substantial if you weren't picky about where and how you packed it on."
"That will do," the scientist said eagerly. "We ran out of mountain dew syrup. Which just so happens to be what the engines run on. It's cheaper in bulk per gram of caffeine than coffee you, see."
I grinned at that. "Ah, but of course. I can have a full load out to you in... Lets see, where are you at right now?"
"Europa. As in the moon, not the continent. Put one little monument to productive use and all of a sudden you become a persona-no-grata."
I was suddenly stricken with an explosive case of the snickers. "Oh, so that was you. My hat's off to you then, sir. I can be there with your shipment in about twelve Earth-Hours. Sound good to you?"
"That will do. Fifty kilograms of coffee then and 200 liters of mountain dew syrup."
"Gotcha then, Prof. Gimme an hour for procurement and about Ten hours transit. I'll have my AI forward you the billing info." This was followed by some highly exuberant form of vocal agreement that consisted of barely intelligible praises to the Fair Mother of Science. With that, the connection was cut and I pinged Gina.
"So? We got a job?" she said.
"Yup. Fifty kilos of coffee and two hundred liters of 'Dew syrup concentrate."
She synthesized an appreciative whistle at that. "It's gonna be a packed-in load."
"Not too packed in I think. Anyhow, go ahead and procure the order for me. I'm forwarding the billing information to you now."
"No sweat."
It did indeed take me all of an hour to get the cargo loaded into the Jetta. Between the trunk and the back seat, I was able to get all eleven five-gallon bag-in-boxes of Dew loaded without a problem. It was as close as I could get to two hundred liters without stiffing the guy. The fifty kilos of Coffee, equivalent to about one hundred and ten pounds, fit easily in the front seat.
As opposed to my usual patterns, I didn't sleep through the trip until we hit the Jovian system. I had just come off a full twelve hours of sleep after being awake for nearly thirty-six hours.
The first view I had of the Sol Bianca was definitely impressive. At almost 80 meters long, she completely dwarfed Gina. The ship had seen better days though. Odd constructs where sticking out of the once clean white hull, but the clean lines and decorative gilded embellishments were still visible. I shook my head at the sight and sighed. He was probably so busy with other stuff that he didn't have any time to do anything about the state of his ship. At least it wasn't quite as bad as some of the kludge jobs I'd seen, but all the same, the Galaxy Express 999 it was certainly not. Oh well.
"Yo, Ben," said the AI all the sudden. "They're hailing us."
"Good, so they know we're here. Put 'em on the Driver's Side, would ya?" I said as I reached up and pulled down the LCD display.
"Channel's open."
"This is Bullet Boy Express to Sol Bianca, inbound with a big shipment of Java and Dew for the Professor. How would ya like me to link up with you?"
"Oh thank goodness you are here," said a cute blue haired schoolgirl as she winked onto said display. "I'm opening the hangar bay now. Can you use nav-markers?"
I restrained myself from making comments about the kawaii-factor and said, "No sweat, kiddo. Send me the data stream, Gina can handle whatever you chuck at her."
"Transmitting now. Welcome aboard the Sol Bianca."
***
The packed, silver VW Jetta swung neatly and nimbly into the docking bay, oddly resembling the DeLorian from the Back To The Future movies because of the way the wheels went from being vertical thrusters to normal wheels as it touched down. The only difference here was that I didn't have about a half-ton of nuclear fusion reactor in the back. That was in the engine compartment instead. How the hell the Handwavium had turned the Volkswagen internal combustion engine into a fusion turbine equivalent was beyond me. It probably hadn't help that I was severely sleep deprived at the time I was working on it.
Once Gina gave me the all clear, I got out and stretched my legs. As packed in as it was in there, I at least didn't have to put myself through any discomfort to make this delivery. But still, ten hours is ten hours and it feels very good to get an almighty-big stretch that would put any and all neko-girls to shame.
Speaking of girls, I didn't expect to be greeted by two worried looking examples of the species, one of which immediately went of with a BIB of syrup. I definitely didn't expect her to be in such a hurry that she tore the lid of my trunk off.
"You have to forgive Catty," said the other as I stared in shock at the hatchway she'd disappeared through. "We aren't quite sure how much longer the backup generator will hold out. We will of course cover the repairs."
"Ah, okay then," I said as I began to realize what was next. "But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
"SHE DID WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" screamed the AI on the stereo system, causing all in the area-of-effect to wince. "Let me at her! I'll kill her!" continued Gina, well on her way to a rant session and revving the fusion turbine for effect. "No, I'll torture her and then kill her!"
"While I agree her haste is unbecoming, that seems a little extreme," said the girl. "We will of course do everything we can to apologize for her behavior... Oh I'm sorry I didn't get your name, I'm Miyu, the girl who just left is Catty."
"Uh, the name's Ben, this is Gina, and excuse me while I stop her from going on a homicidal rampage." I then went to the front of the car and place my hands down on the hood, as though I could really stop her if she got it in her head to cause some mayhem. "Gina, it's okay, I'll fix it. Happy place, Gina. Remember your happy place?"
At that moment the door opened and the blue haired girl who greeted me, entered.
"Oh my I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said cheerfully. "I wanted to thank you for the speedy delivery. I hope you will stay a while, it is not often that we get visitors."
"killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill" uttered the AI inanely despite what was going on.
"Ah, yeah, thanks, just give me a moment to calm Gina down here."
The blue hair girl then did something that was either very stupid or very gutsy. She Walked up to the car, gently rested her hand on it, and smiled. "Come now I'm sure there isn't a reason to be so upset."
"SHE DAMAGED MY BODY!" raved Gina as she threw the front end up on the hydraulics.
"I know she did, Gina!" I said desperately - a half ton of Handwavium-enhanced space-faring automobile was not something I needed rampaging around in here. "I promise I'll fix it right away! I'll even throw in a new wax and tire job!"
Suddenly, she became silent. "Throw in a tune up and I MIGHT! reconsider."
I sighed with a combination of relief and exasperation. "Deal."
Relaxing slightly now that her fellow crew member was no longer being threatened Miyu stepped closer. "I already told you Gina-san we will take care of everything."
In response to that, Gina only harrumphed.
"Why don't I show you to your quarters?" said Ryoko, turning to me. "You must be tired after such a long trip. We prepared the royal guest suite for you."
I sighed once more now that the adrenaline was starting to die down a bit. "Yes thank you. And I'd advise that you just go ahead and let me handle the repairs. Gina is extremely particular about who handles that sort of business."
"As you wish Ben-san, though if we can be of any help please don't hesitate to ask." Answered Miyu.
"Thank you. Soooo, where is this Professor fellow anyways?" I could feel the big, shit-eating grin begin to form on my face. "I wanted to thank him personally for pantsing so many tight-asses on Earth."
"He is unfortunately still asleep. We didn't want to try waking him without coffee. do you mind if we finish unloading without you here?"
For a brief moment, imagery of another incident occurring and Gina going absolutely nuts blowing the Sol Bianca to hell flitted through my head.
"Ahh, I'd better help."
"Very well." Walking over to the wall mounted communicator she called out, "Catty please get back here. We need to unload the supplies." Suiting action to deed in a manner of moments the car was emptied between the four of them. And, after a pointed elbow from Miyu, Catty cheerfully apologized to Gina. The AI had only barely and grudgingly accepted the apology. With that out of the way, Ryoko led the way to my room chattering cheerfully all the while about the history of the ship and whatever experiment she caught me eying. The Interior of the Sol Bianca was surreal, even for a fenspace ship. The hallway was very posh with a very nice looking carpet on the floors and wood paneling on the walls, but the beauty was marred by various hodgepodge additions. There where tubes with bubbling fluids in them,circuit boards mounted on the walls with blinking lights, one section even looked organic, and some of the rooms I looked into seemed larger than they should be, though it could just be an optical illusion. The quarters themselves where without doubt the most expensive suite I had ever stayed at, almost everything being made from hardwood, and with tasteful gilding and the window gave a spectacular view of Jupiter.
"Thank you kindly, Ryoko," I said as I turned back to my guide. "Would it be possible for you to send a tool kit to the dock in a couple hours?"
"Of course, if you need anything just use the intercom. I assume you'll also be needing tires and a waxing machine?"
"Whatever you could supply would be appreciated, thank you."
"You are welcome. Good night."
Once I was alone, I kicked off my shoes, ditched my Rocketeer jacket on the couch and hit the hay. When I awoke, I checked the time - it'd been about five hours. I was actually more used to sleeping in short bursts like this rather than the long twelve hour naps, and so I crawled out of bed, slipped the shoes and jacket back on, and gave the intercom a buzz.
"I hope you slept well," answered Ryoko. "Gina is a fascinating conversationalist. Everything you should need is in the hangar. Do I need to come fetch you or can you find the way here by yourself?"
That made me blink in mild surprise. Usually when Gina talks to someone it's to cause general mayhem. I would have to look into this and make certain that she did not scare off a potential regular.
"No thank you, I can find it on my own."
***
I could have sworn that the hangar was over here, I thought to myself, as I wandered past Tesla Coils that I hadn't noticed yesterday. I did, however, hear some muttering and a banging noise that signified someone at work. Since I was not one of those cliche types of men who never stops for directions, I figured I could ask whoever was making that racket... As long as he didn't mind being disturbed. I followed the sounds, dodging the occasional light-show from the coils, and opened the door from which the noises came. Suddenly I ducked just in time as something flew over my head, propelled by a mighty explosion to embed itself in the wall behind me. Turning back around and looking into the room there was a somewhat charred individual in a lab coat, grinning from ear to ear.
"It worked! It worked! Well sort of, but this is just the first step, no challenge is too great for the Power of SCIENCE!"
"That's great and all, Professor Toasty," I chimed in, "but can it direct me to where I parked my car?"
"Oh sorry I didn't see you there," said the seemingly mad scientist in a quite congenial manner. "You should be careful. There are all kinds of dangerous things down here, like those." He said pointing to a bunch of broken containers with bio-hazard signs. I blinked at that and I began to get very worried.
"Oh no not again." He then sighed and went on, "I'll lead you to the hangar, I need to head over there to brew up the counter-agent anyway."
"..... Should I be worried? I'm not about to be attacked by radioactive spiders or something, am I?"
"Oh no, the worst that will happen is that your hair turns green and get sudden cravings for bratwurst." I suddenly had the most peculiar imagery of Kyouichi Saionji from Revolutionary Girl Utena going hog-wild on brats. "Quite a disappointment. It was meant to help remove the language barrier by having everyone speak Engrish, but instead it causes people to speak French. Bah"
"Oh? And who would be so deserving of such a fate?" I asked, a smile creeping across my face at the thought of certain 'Danelaw politicians being affected by such a thing.
***
And so it went back then. What followed was a month long series of collaborative projects in which I finally managed to arm Gina as I had always wanted to and got my bio-mod done. It would be nice to get to see him again and catch up with what he's been up to. I noted in the Con schedule that he was going to be giving a speech and resolved to be there to hear it - he was such a fun motivational speaker.
So, with registration out of the way, I began to make my way to a the bar. This was gonna be problematic because not only was I a BNF, but, through a lucky draw from the genetic deck, I was a natural born bishounen. In fact, no sooner than I got into the main concourse did I hear a fuku-clad girl squeal.
"IT'S RUHODESU-SAMA!!!"
Oh boy. Time to run...
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."