A Timeline of Handwavium Law in the United States of America
September 11, 2008: Washington DCIn response to the recent wave of thefts and other scandals, most recently culminating in the theft of the former-Soviet 'Buran' space shuttle prototype, President Bush signed into law a complete prohibition on the use or distribution of the substance known as 'handwavium'. The bill, known as the 'Maintaining America's Technological Security Act', makes it a federal felony to posess or distribute handwavium without proper licensing. The bill contains, however, no regulations on how such licensing is to be granted. . . .
March 14th, 2009: Washington DCPresident Giuliani today signed into law the Blaisdell Act, a comprehensive set of regulations for the safe use of 'handwavium' in research and production. Due to the clear dangers associated with the substance, any facility working with it will need to meet stringent safety standards. Applications from several prominent research institutes are already pending, including MIT, Harvard, and Lawrence Liverpool National Laboratory. . . .
September 15th, 2009: Rochester NYRockhounds, Inc. today became the first corporation licensed to utilize handwavium in commercial production under the Blaisdell Act. Consumers may rest assured that the substance is not utilized in any actual production methodology. Instead, the mining consortium is making use of handwavium-modified vehicles (so-called 'fencraft') and mining equipment in order to extract raw minerals and ore from asteroids. . . .
April 8th, 2010: Helena MTThe Montana State Supreme Court today agreed to hear the case of Carolyn Fischer, former Professor of Biochemistry at Carroll College. Doctor Fischer asserts that her employment with the college was terminated because of discrimination against her due to a handwavium-induced "bio-modification". . . .
July 4th, 2011: Livermore CAResearch scientists at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratories announced the successful test of the first operational fusion reactor this morning. The reactor utilized handwavium-based gravity generators to induce fusion, rather than the traditional laser arrangement. Producing three hundred megawatts of power over and above its own functional requirements, it is the most powerful sustained fusion reaction so far produced. . . .
August 1st, 2012: Washington DCThe Land Theft Prevention Act goes into full effect today, prohibiting the removal of large areas of land from their current locations. . . .
October 1st, 2012: Rochester NYCerion Energy Systems announces a patent on a new form of high-density storage battery. At more than ten times the capacity of previous rechargeable systems, the new batteries are expected to revolutionist the electric automobile industry. . . .
November 1st, 2013: Washington DCThe 'Catgirl Protection Act' goes into effect today, adding "nonconsensual Handwavium-induced biomodification" to the list of actions that qualify as assault under Federal law. . . .
January 5th, 2014: Reno NVHandwavium-related technologies took another leap forward today, as Reno-based Migitech Inc announced they had received Federal licensing to go ahead with their new line of NanoForge water filters. Because the production process uses a handwavium-enhanced machine, the company has faced an uphill battle to gain approval under the Blaisdell Act's strict regulations. "NanoForge water is entirely safe," Migitech president Joseph Brown stated. "I've been bathing with, and drinking, nothing but NanoForge water for the past year, and not a single blue hair to be seen." . . . .
April 1, 2014: Cocoa, FLNASA's Handwavium scandal came to an end today as the embattled space agency agreed to privatize their handwavium-enhanced spacecraft operations. A contract was signed with the already-licensed Artemis Foundation to operate and maintain the aging Shuttle fleet on NASA's behalf. . . .
June 8th, 2015: Los Angeles, CAIn a move hailed as ironic and
"deeply amusing" by pundits on both sides of the aisle, a consortium of
eleven coal-mining companies today joined the class-action lawsuit
seeking repeal of the Land Theft Prevention Act, after its provisions
were used by eco-protest groups to have surface mining operations shut
down in several states. Today these corporate miners find themselves
standing alongside the same protestors who shut them down as they throw
their backing behind the pro-Handwavium protest groups. . . .
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
September 11, 2008: Washington DCIn response to the recent wave of thefts and other scandals, most recently culminating in the theft of the former-Soviet 'Buran' space shuttle prototype, President Bush signed into law a complete prohibition on the use or distribution of the substance known as 'handwavium'. The bill, known as the 'Maintaining America's Technological Security Act', makes it a federal felony to posess or distribute handwavium without proper licensing. The bill contains, however, no regulations on how such licensing is to be granted. . . .
March 14th, 2009: Washington DCPresident Giuliani today signed into law the Blaisdell Act, a comprehensive set of regulations for the safe use of 'handwavium' in research and production. Due to the clear dangers associated with the substance, any facility working with it will need to meet stringent safety standards. Applications from several prominent research institutes are already pending, including MIT, Harvard, and Lawrence Liverpool National Laboratory. . . .
September 15th, 2009: Rochester NYRockhounds, Inc. today became the first corporation licensed to utilize handwavium in commercial production under the Blaisdell Act. Consumers may rest assured that the substance is not utilized in any actual production methodology. Instead, the mining consortium is making use of handwavium-modified vehicles (so-called 'fencraft') and mining equipment in order to extract raw minerals and ore from asteroids. . . .
April 8th, 2010: Helena MTThe Montana State Supreme Court today agreed to hear the case of Carolyn Fischer, former Professor of Biochemistry at Carroll College. Doctor Fischer asserts that her employment with the college was terminated because of discrimination against her due to a handwavium-induced "bio-modification". . . .
July 4th, 2011: Livermore CAResearch scientists at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratories announced the successful test of the first operational fusion reactor this morning. The reactor utilized handwavium-based gravity generators to induce fusion, rather than the traditional laser arrangement. Producing three hundred megawatts of power over and above its own functional requirements, it is the most powerful sustained fusion reaction so far produced. . . .
August 1st, 2012: Washington DCThe Land Theft Prevention Act goes into full effect today, prohibiting the removal of large areas of land from their current locations. . . .
October 1st, 2012: Rochester NYCerion Energy Systems announces a patent on a new form of high-density storage battery. At more than ten times the capacity of previous rechargeable systems, the new batteries are expected to revolutionist the electric automobile industry. . . .
November 1st, 2013: Washington DCThe 'Catgirl Protection Act' goes into effect today, adding "nonconsensual Handwavium-induced biomodification" to the list of actions that qualify as assault under Federal law. . . .
January 5th, 2014: Reno NVHandwavium-related technologies took another leap forward today, as Reno-based Migitech Inc announced they had received Federal licensing to go ahead with their new line of NanoForge water filters. Because the production process uses a handwavium-enhanced machine, the company has faced an uphill battle to gain approval under the Blaisdell Act's strict regulations. "NanoForge water is entirely safe," Migitech president Joseph Brown stated. "I've been bathing with, and drinking, nothing but NanoForge water for the past year, and not a single blue hair to be seen." . . . .
April 1, 2014: Cocoa, FLNASA's Handwavium scandal came to an end today as the embattled space agency agreed to privatize their handwavium-enhanced spacecraft operations. A contract was signed with the already-licensed Artemis Foundation to operate and maintain the aging Shuttle fleet on NASA's behalf. . . .
June 8th, 2015: Los Angeles, CAIn a move hailed as ironic and
"deeply amusing" by pundits on both sides of the aisle, a consortium of
eleven coal-mining companies today joined the class-action lawsuit
seeking repeal of the Land Theft Prevention Act, after its provisions
were used by eco-protest groups to have surface mining operations shut
down in several states. Today these corporate miners find themselves
standing alongside the same protestors who shut them down as they throw
their backing behind the pro-Handwavium protest groups. . . .
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.