The following programming is rated for all audiences and is not remotely canon in any way shape or form.
*Click*
[MANTICORE is chained and presented before LORD RECLUSE and the PATRONS in his throne room]
RECLUSE: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
MANTICORE: If I was from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
RECLUSE: If you were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
MANTICORE: Neither of us is dead, so obviously I'm not from CONTROL.
BLACK SCORPION: ....that actually makes sense.
[Other PATRONS look at SCORPION with '...you're kidding me' expressions]
*Click*
[SELL-SWORD is currently pointing his rifle between LADY NOGITSUNE and GENAU'GOEG]
GEN: Fox season! *points rifle at Nogi*
NOGI: Dragon season. *points rifle back*
GEN: Fox season!
NOGI: Dragon season!
GEN: Fox season!
NOGI: Fox season! *rotates rifle back to herself*
GEN: *pulls rifle back towards herself* Dragon season, fire!
*BOOM*
[Smoke clears, revealing the formerly blue Gen to now be black with soot and glaring at Nogi]
GEN: You're desssspicable.
*Click*
CHORUS: Up in the sky, coming at you! A herooooo of metal hue! He locks horns with disaster for the red and white and blue!
[CITADEL flies through the sky, carrying STATESMAN's cape, and beating up on FIFTH COLUMN MEK MEN, VAMPYR, and WAR WOLVES.]
CHORUS: Then was born a boy robot! Miracle of science!
[Cut to CYBERMAN 8 under construction]
CHORUS: Pre-designed to fight large monsters!
[CYBERMAN 8 kicks BABBAGE in the kneecap]
CHORUS: Super-charged and quick on the draw!
[CYBERMAN 8 continues unloading martial arts moves into Babbage's leg with...no apparent effect]
CHORUS: Pretty darn good buuuut he needs help from Big Guy! They're a great team!
[BABBAGE is bowled over by a blast of energy from CITADEL as CYBERMAN 8 keeps the Clockwork distracted]
CHORUS: The boy robot lives his dream!
[Shot of CITADEL and CYBERMAN 8 on top of BABBAGE's prone body]
CHORUS: To be a legend in history! The Big Guy and Rusty!
[Title splash]
*Click*
[Scene: Stage of a talk show. GAMMA EMISSION and TERRENCE KNIGHT are already sitting on chairs as the host looks at the camera]
JERRY: And today, it seems we have a disagreement between these two. Terrence thinks that Lisa is cheating on him with someone she rescued! Well, let's bring her out. Here's Rhea!
[EMERALD BLAST steps out in her clubbing outfit, walks over and sits down on GAMMA's lap to TERRENCE's astonishment and lays one on the lips.]
Crowd: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
*Click*
[WILLIAM BISHOP III in a business suit is facing several PORTAL CORP EXECUTIVES]
BISHOP: So, would you three be 'portals_R_us_5934', 'interdimensinul_hotty', and 'praetorians_or_bust'?
[The executives look around confused but nod]
BISHOP: So this webchat is from you three then:
"Hey, let's send the next hero to that world where the telepath makes them think they wiped out the human race."
"Oh, that'd be hilarious. Wrong, but hilarious."
"I can't say I disapprove. Just make sure you tape it so the rest of us can see."
"It never gets old. They ALWAYS believe it off the bat."
[Executives start making various excuses]
BISHOP: You're aware that's emotional harrassment? You see, I'm William Bishop III, and this is "To Catch a Jackass."
*Click*
[Commercial Break]
ANNOUNCER: Next time on Jerry Springer....
JERRY: So, what you're saying is that you befriended this woman, romanced her, and then slept with her....all without her knowing you were an alien spy?
INYME: ....that's the point of being a SPY.
CROWD: BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!
*Click*
[Credits go up on ICEY CHEF]
JACKIE FROST: Now, you add the cucumber just so...season with a little oregano, oil, boil for ten minutes, and BAM! a little garlic. BAM! A little more pepper. BAM! A little of my special sauce....
*Click*
[Lights go up on stage as TERRENCE, EMET, MAG FLASHLIGHT, and THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL]
TERR: Young man! There's no need to feel down!
EMET: Young man! Pull yourself off the ground!
MAG: Young man! You're in a new town!
LINCOLN: There's no need to be unhappy!
TERR: Young man! There's a place you can go!
EMET: I said, young man! When you're short on the dough!
MAG: You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find...
LINCOLN: Maaaany ways to have a good time!
ALL: It's fun to stay at the Y! M! C! A! It's fun to stay at the Y! M! C! A!
TERR: You can get yourself cleaned!
EMET: You can have a good meal!
MAG: You can do whatever you feel!
[Cut to titles: The VILLAGE TANKS]
*Click*
[KNIGHT SABRES bounce from every rooftop in intricately choreographed patterns]
CHORUS: Theeeeey've got...a power and a force that you've never seen before!
[STREET SABRE and DANCE SABRE whirl through a gang of CREY RIOT GUARDS, bashing their way through]
CHORUS: Theeeeey've got...the ability to fight and even up the score!
[NET SABRE and NANO SABRE blast thugs from a distance with lightning and dark bolts]
CHORUS: Noooooo one....will ever keep them down! The power lies on their siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!
[All SABRES pose on top of building]
CHORUS: Go go Sabre Rangers! Whoa-o-oh! Go go Sabre Rangers! You mighty, warpin' Sabre Rangers!
*Click*
[HRO'DTOHZ is looking through a portal with a telescope]
HRO'DTHOZ: Missing presence: Kaboom(Earth Shattering)? Presence: imperative, Kaboom(Earth Shattering).
[FUSIONETTE walks up behind him.]
FUSIONETTE: Ehhhhh, what's up doc?
*Click*
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."
*Click*
[MANTICORE is chained and presented before LORD RECLUSE and the PATRONS in his throne room]
RECLUSE: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
MANTICORE: If I was from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
RECLUSE: If you were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
MANTICORE: Neither of us is dead, so obviously I'm not from CONTROL.
BLACK SCORPION: ....that actually makes sense.
[Other PATRONS look at SCORPION with '...you're kidding me' expressions]
*Click*
[SELL-SWORD is currently pointing his rifle between LADY NOGITSUNE and GENAU'GOEG]
GEN: Fox season! *points rifle at Nogi*
NOGI: Dragon season. *points rifle back*
GEN: Fox season!
NOGI: Dragon season!
GEN: Fox season!
NOGI: Fox season! *rotates rifle back to herself*
GEN: *pulls rifle back towards herself* Dragon season, fire!
*BOOM*
[Smoke clears, revealing the formerly blue Gen to now be black with soot and glaring at Nogi]
GEN: You're desssspicable.
*Click*
CHORUS: Up in the sky, coming at you! A herooooo of metal hue! He locks horns with disaster for the red and white and blue!
[CITADEL flies through the sky, carrying STATESMAN's cape, and beating up on FIFTH COLUMN MEK MEN, VAMPYR, and WAR WOLVES.]
CHORUS: Then was born a boy robot! Miracle of science!
[Cut to CYBERMAN 8 under construction]
CHORUS: Pre-designed to fight large monsters!
[CYBERMAN 8 kicks BABBAGE in the kneecap]
CHORUS: Super-charged and quick on the draw!
[CYBERMAN 8 continues unloading martial arts moves into Babbage's leg with...no apparent effect]
CHORUS: Pretty darn good buuuut he needs help from Big Guy! They're a great team!
[BABBAGE is bowled over by a blast of energy from CITADEL as CYBERMAN 8 keeps the Clockwork distracted]
CHORUS: The boy robot lives his dream!
[Shot of CITADEL and CYBERMAN 8 on top of BABBAGE's prone body]
CHORUS: To be a legend in history! The Big Guy and Rusty!
[Title splash]
*Click*
[Scene: Stage of a talk show. GAMMA EMISSION and TERRENCE KNIGHT are already sitting on chairs as the host looks at the camera]
JERRY: And today, it seems we have a disagreement between these two. Terrence thinks that Lisa is cheating on him with someone she rescued! Well, let's bring her out. Here's Rhea!
[EMERALD BLAST steps out in her clubbing outfit, walks over and sits down on GAMMA's lap to TERRENCE's astonishment and lays one on the lips.]
Crowd: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
*Click*
[WILLIAM BISHOP III in a business suit is facing several PORTAL CORP EXECUTIVES]
BISHOP: So, would you three be 'portals_R_us_5934', 'interdimensinul_hotty', and 'praetorians_or_bust'?
[The executives look around confused but nod]
BISHOP: So this webchat is from you three then:
"Hey, let's send the next hero to that world where the telepath makes them think they wiped out the human race."
"Oh, that'd be hilarious. Wrong, but hilarious."
"I can't say I disapprove. Just make sure you tape it so the rest of us can see."
"It never gets old. They ALWAYS believe it off the bat."
[Executives start making various excuses]
BISHOP: You're aware that's emotional harrassment? You see, I'm William Bishop III, and this is "To Catch a Jackass."
*Click*
[Commercial Break]
ANNOUNCER: Next time on Jerry Springer....
JERRY: So, what you're saying is that you befriended this woman, romanced her, and then slept with her....all without her knowing you were an alien spy?
INYME: ....that's the point of being a SPY.
CROWD: BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!
*Click*
[Credits go up on ICEY CHEF]
JACKIE FROST: Now, you add the cucumber just so...season with a little oregano, oil, boil for ten minutes, and BAM! a little garlic. BAM! A little more pepper. BAM! A little of my special sauce....
*Click*
[Lights go up on stage as TERRENCE, EMET, MAG FLASHLIGHT, and THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL]
TERR: Young man! There's no need to feel down!
EMET: Young man! Pull yourself off the ground!
MAG: Young man! You're in a new town!
LINCOLN: There's no need to be unhappy!
TERR: Young man! There's a place you can go!
EMET: I said, young man! When you're short on the dough!
MAG: You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find...
LINCOLN: Maaaany ways to have a good time!
ALL: It's fun to stay at the Y! M! C! A! It's fun to stay at the Y! M! C! A!
TERR: You can get yourself cleaned!
EMET: You can have a good meal!
MAG: You can do whatever you feel!
[Cut to titles: The VILLAGE TANKS]
*Click*
[KNIGHT SABRES bounce from every rooftop in intricately choreographed patterns]
CHORUS: Theeeeey've got...a power and a force that you've never seen before!
[STREET SABRE and DANCE SABRE whirl through a gang of CREY RIOT GUARDS, bashing their way through]
CHORUS: Theeeeey've got...the ability to fight and even up the score!
[NET SABRE and NANO SABRE blast thugs from a distance with lightning and dark bolts]
CHORUS: Noooooo one....will ever keep them down! The power lies on their siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!
[All SABRES pose on top of building]
CHORUS: Go go Sabre Rangers! Whoa-o-oh! Go go Sabre Rangers! You mighty, warpin' Sabre Rangers!
*Click*
[HRO'DTOHZ is looking through a portal with a telescope]
HRO'DTHOZ: Missing presence: Kaboom(Earth Shattering)? Presence: imperative, Kaboom(Earth Shattering).
[FUSIONETTE walks up behind him.]
FUSIONETTE: Ehhhhh, what's up doc?
*Click*
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."