And it's out.

[Bob Schroeck]

DW-S Home page.

Chapter one if you want to jump right to it. 

Comments and reactions in this thread, please.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Labster]

Just a few thoughts I had while reading this chapter.  Essentially spoiler-free for this story, if you've watched/read Sailor Moon before.

> It also kept me in contact with the Minato-kai

Why is there a Minako-kai?  I now have this image of a row of men in suits bowing before Boss Mina-ojou-chan vowing to protect her honor.

> But though her attack on the Moon Kingdom and the whores who had ruled it had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams

This hurt to read.  In a good way, I suppose, but it still hurt.  Evil people are so... evil.

> Luna of the Mau reflexively pawed the blinking panel.

Surely she would have had lunar citizenship by now -- but I guess that doesn't matter if your country is dead.  Of course, her home planet is -- there's a lot of tragedy in Sailor Moon, okay?

> "And how is my little firefly?" he murmured into her hair as he kissed the top of her head."

Oh, are we merging the two best plot arcs of BSSM?  I can live with that.

> Mu, Atalante, Hyperborea and the rest of the continents

And here I was thinking that Hyperborea was the place where D-Point was.  Shows you what I know!

> she reminded me of Belldandy

The best compliment.

> I stuck my hand up. "Waiter? A tuna salad sandwich and a glass of milk for our friend here, please?"

Is this the kind of meal Kat is into?  And on this whole conversation, how did you manage to drag several seasons of exposition out of Luna into episode 1?  I realize her memory had swiss-cheezed, but I guess it helps if you know the right questions to ask.

>"A beautiful girl called 'Sailor Moon' and a brave, handsome man in grey saved me from a horrible monster!"
... two scenes later ...
>(And how did he know what she was called, anyway? The only ones who should know were Luna and Sangnoir-san.)
Don't be so dense, Usagi-ttara.

You did not disappoint.  Looking forward to the next chapter!

EDIT:
In the concordance:
> This is mainly because smoking is as thoroughly pervasive in Japan today as it was in the United States in the early 1960s.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoking_in_Japan
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm4843a2.htm
Compared to the U.S. (current rate 15.1%), the current rate in Japan is high (19.3%), and even higher among men.  There's still more social acceptance, but laws in districts are really starting to change now, like they did in the early 1990s in the U.S.  And if you see in the graph, the current level of smoking is more akin to 1993 levels in the U.S.  And as you can see from the other graph, 1960s levels were much higher, though that graph excludes children so the numbers aren't directly comparable.  Basically tobako smoking in Japan is like 25 years ago in the U.S.  This gap might get pushed tighter by internationalization for the upcoming Tokyo Olympics, we shall see.

> This, I further speculate, was because the identity of the Sailor Senshi as the princesses of the various planets was actually a state secret.
This is a terrible state secret for a couple reasons: I don't know how it could possibly kept secret, except perhaps by Princess Mercury sending reporters to the reeducation chamber; and because traditionally monarchs and feudal lords in basically every society led their forces into battle.  It's one of the main jobs of the nobility.  And if the last episode of S didn't confirm a feudal society amongst the sailors I don't know what it meant at all.  To me, more likely, it's a glamour added to the function of the pens, because Serenity wanted her friends to have a normal life, and to be safer in a time with no kingdom to protect them.

> It was a messy retcon in my opinion.
Yes, but less messy in the manga, if only because there was less to retcon.  There wasn't a lot of information about Mau, Nyanko, or our mooncats' past either.  Perhaps Luna and Artemis are the names of minor planets in the same star system as Mau, and were Sailors stationed as envoys to the Sol system.  So that's why they could transform.  Or maybe it's like you said, and it's a whole planet of henshin catgirls.  I get the feeling that there's so much BSSM fanfiction precisely because the setting is so broad and shallow.  There's a whole living universe to explore with a past and a future, with just hints of what's out there to explore.  It's a little like UF CORE in that way, except with more monsters inflicting SAN loss.
-- ∇×V

[DHBirr]

"Are you normally in the habit of accepting magical powers from random stray animals, with no questions asked?"

 As Dennis would say, "Strange cats jumpin' through windows distributin' powers is no basis for a system of government!"  
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[robkelk]

"Are you normally in the habit of accepting magical powers from random stray animals, with no questions asked?"

 As Dennis would say, "Strange cats jumpin' through windows distributin' powers is no basis for a system of government!"  

I already mentioned that in the Crossovers That Should Not Be thread, back in late-April:

Sailor Moon, by way of Monty Python:

"Listen -- strange animals leaping in windows distributing brooches is no basis for a system of empowerment. Supreme magical power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical feline ceremony..." (at which point the speaker experiences the violence inherent in the Moon Tiara) "Help! Help! I'm being refreshed!"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[itsune9tl]

With a giggling laugh a Merciless grin she swallows all her ice cream down.
...

[Norgarth]

Vorticity said:
>"A beautiful girl called 'Sailor Moon' and a brave, handsome man in grey saved me from a horrible monster!"
... two scenes later ...
>(And how did he know what she was called, anyway? The only ones who should know were Luna and Sangnoir-san.)
Don't be so dense, Usagi-ttara.

Me: She's wondering how Tuxedo Mask knew her code name, Usagi doesn't know he was nearby for the fight at Osa-P, and the youma's victims were all brushing it off as a dream.  Naru and the others were chatting about it in class, but to Usagi it's still odd that this rose guy knows her name, when it's only her second 'mission'

from the concordance:
I am now seized by the image of Yakuza who read Sailor Moon fanfic...

Me) why not, Manga and anime have no age -restriction in japanese culture, so I could see an old fan reading through fanfics.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Soutern Cross]

Actually having Yazuka fans of Sailor Moon does make some sense, if only to find out about her usual tactics."There's only one kind of monster that uses bullets"-Colonel VanHeusen , from "It! The Terror From Beyond Space"

[Bob Schroeck]

I'm kind of ... concerned about the low level of response to the chapter.  Should I be worrying?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[itsune9tl]

I'm kind of ... concerned about the low level of response to the chapter.  Should I be worrying?

No, it's just the start of Summer Vacation for a lot of us.

[DHBirr]

"Are you normally in the habit of accepting magical powers from random stray animals, with no questions asked?"

 As Dennis would say, "Strange cats jumpin' through windows distributin' powers is no basis for a system of government!"  

I already mentioned that in the Crossovers That Should Not Be thread, back in late-April:

Sailor Moon, by way of Monty Python:

"Listen -- strange animals leaping in windows distributing brooches is no basis for a system of empowerment. Supreme magical power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical feline ceremony..." (at which point the speaker experiences the violence inherent in the Moon Tiara) "Help! Help! I'm being refreshed!"

I've noticed that in March of 2012, you also initiated a thread titled "Probably not a scene from that un-numbered Step," in which it was Naru who criticized Usagi for accepting empowerment from strange cats....

Bob, I enjoyed it, and of course it left me wanting to read more.  But as I've noted before, my knowledge of Sailor Moon is almost completely limited to what I've read here, so constructive or, for that matter, destructive criticism about this are a little beyond my competence.

That said, one thing I wondered about, and which led to another question.  You had Doug's cubemate named Soichiro -- and you indicated that's Dr. Tomoe's name, too.  So, first I wondered if that's simply a common name, and then if working for Hudson Soft is the mad scientist's day job.  But when I tried looking him up in hopes of some hint, I found that Wikipedia and ATT both cite his given name as simply Souichi.

Incidentally, I don't know if you intended it as an Ironic Echo or what, but I was kind of amused when Tuxedo Mask thinks of Doug's bike as having "waited obediently at the curb," and a paragraph or two later Doug describes his bike "waiting obediently at the curb."

Edit:  Whoops, error, TM is shown thinking that about the "obedient" motorcycle immediately after Doug makes that remark.  (I tried to verify before posting, but the server chose just then to declare that the Access Denied! page wasn't accessible.)

Edit again:  I originally misspelled "Soichiro."
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Kilroy]

I liked the chapter.
On the disguise magic, I would expect that it was added by Queen Serenity for this re-incarnation and did not exist in the Moon Kingdom.

[Star Ranger4]

Early Going, Bob.  I wouldnt worry; we're still getting all the pieces in place in this chapter, for good or ill its not till you start to diverge that folks will really sit up and start talking.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[Bob Schroeck]

Just a few thoughts I had while reading this chapter.  Essentially spoiler-free for this story, if you've watched/read Sailor Moon before.

> It also kept me in contact with the Minato-kai

Why is there a Minako-kai?  I now have this image of a row of men in suits bowing before Boss Mina-ojou-chan vowing to protect her honor.

Why is there a Minato-kai?  Because there is a Sumiyoshi-kai in the real world, and that's what they were called when they were founded in 1958.

> "And how is my little firefly?" he murmured into her hair as he kissed the top of her head."

Oh, are we merging the two best plot arcs of BSSM?  I can live with that.

Yes and no.  According to the best timeline I can find for the events of the original anime version of Sailor Moon, Hotaru most likely had Mistress Nine implanted into her somewhere during the events of Season One.  This is here because, well, Doug and Usagi together are going to derail that storyline without ever knowing it.

> I stuck my hand up. "Waiter? A tuna salad sandwich and a glass of milk for our friend here, please?"

Is this the kind of meal Kat is into?  And on this whole conversation, how did you manage to drag several seasons of exposition out of Luna into episode 1?  I realize her memory had swiss-cheezed, but I guess it helps if you know the right questions to ask.

Kat's tastes have nothing to do with it.  It's Doug combining being a host with being a smartass.  Stereotypical cat likes fish and cream.

And Doug is less accepting of "because" as an answer to things than Usagi is/was, and out of long (and sometimes painful) experience asks the questions she wouldn't think to.

In the concordance:

> This is mainly because smoking is as thoroughly pervasive in Japan today as it was in the United States in the early 1960s.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoking_in_Japan
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm4843a2.htm
Compared to the U.S. (current rate 15.1%), the current rate in Japan is high (19.3%), and even higher among men.  There's still more social acceptance, but laws in districts are really starting to change now, like they did in the early 1990s in the U.S.  And if you see in the graph, the current level of smoking is more akin to 1993 levels in the U.S.  And as you can see from the other graph, 1960s levels were much higher, though that graph excludes children so the numbers aren't directly comparable.  Basically tobako smoking in Japan is like 25 years ago in the U.S.  This gap might get pushed tighter by internationalization for the upcoming Tokyo Olympics, we shall see.

I think I was a bit too deep in the story when I switched tabs to add that to the concordance work file -- I think I meant to say "in the 1990s" instead of "today".
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Bob Schroeck]

I'm kind of ... concerned about the low level of response to the chapter.  Should I be worrying?

No, it's just the start of Summer Vacation for a lot of us.

Fair enough.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Bob Schroeck]

That said, one thing I wondered about, and which led to another question.  You had Doug's cubemate named Soichiro -- and you indicated that's Dr. Tomoe's name, too.  So, first I wondered if that's simply a common name, and then if working for Hudson Soft is the mad scientist's day job.  But when I tried looking him up in hopes of some hint, I found that Wikipedia and ATT both cite his given name as simply Souichi.

Typo on my part caused by faulty memory.  I'll fix it shortly.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Dartz]

I'm kind of ... concerned about the low level of response to the chapter.  Should I be worrying?

Give it time, it's been a while . Still getting a more response that i'd normally see.

I'm trying to gather my thoughts together. I've read it twice and the one thing that does seem to strike me is that there's quite a bit of telling going on - a lot of information is just sort of plated up and given Especially when we first get introduced to Queen Beryl. It's not quite at Weber level -being still relevant to the plot - but it's gotten noticeable. We go from a description of the room, to a brief history of the downfall of the Crystal Millenium

It is appreciated for those who might not be up on Sailor Moon to accelerate them, but at the same time, it's something that did stand out. Maybe because I was already having a hard time focusing on anything anyway.

We meet the journalist in a similar way, gaining some background but we're just fed it rather than being led to it. Maybe I'm missing the undercurrent of something. Anyway, enough hypocrasy from me....

Usagi is fun. Especially some of her dialogue, which is amusing. It brought a smile to my face.
________________________________
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?

[DeputyJones]

I'm kind of ... concerned about the low level of response to the chapter.  Should I be worrying?

Not at all! I for one enjoyed reading this very much!

It felt like the first twenty minutes of a good two-an-a-half hour movie, really drew me in and made me excited for the next part.

Great work as always, Bob!

- DeputyJones in the Outer Banks (suffering for forgetting sunscreen before fishing on the pier for five hours like an idiot *whimpers*)

[Labster]

Why is there a Minako-kai?  I now have this image of a row of men in suits bowing before Boss Mina-ojou-chan vowing to protect her honor.

Why is there a Minato-kai?  Because there is a Sumiyoshi-kai in the real world, and that's what they were called when they were founded in 1958.

Um, I asked about a Minako-kai... you know what, never mind.

Anyway, I do like storyline derailment, even if it means not having a fight in Tokyo's famous Sagrada Família.  That's the best part about fanfic, asking "what if?" and heading on an entirely different path.

Maybe there hasn't been a lot of response because the chapter was kind of what we expected from you, based on previous steps and the advance scenes: Doug arrives in alternate Tokyo, sets up a job for himself, we are introduced to the cast of characters, and Doug makes his first subtle alteration to the plot.  Actually, the most unusual thing is that Doug found the center of the story[1] pretty much first thing, and got a lot of exposition out of the way very quickly.  Most of the time he's fumbling around the setting trying to put all of the pieces together, but somehow he's managed to bypass all of that this time.  I will probably miss that, as Doug's awkwardness around a setting that the reader knows better than he is a signature part of your writing style.  And it's super funny.

[1]: The one leading to the many is Tsukino Usagi.  Usagi is the one.
-- ∇×V

[Black Aeronaut]

Finally just got around to reading it Bob. I gotta wait until I get home until I can say more, but it was fun.

[Bob Schroeck]

Um, I asked about a Minako-kai... you know what, never mind.

<blink>  You know, my eye passed right over that.  I must have been more tired than I thought last night.

Maybe there hasn't been a lot of response because the chapter was kind of what we expected from you, based on previous steps and the advance scenes: Doug arrives in alternate Tokyo, sets up a job for himself, we are introduced to the cast of characters, and Doug makes his first subtle alteration to the plot.  Actually, the most unusual thing is that Doug found the center of the story[1] pretty much first thing, and got a lot of exposition out of the way very quickly.  Most of the time he's fumbling around the setting trying to put all of the pieces together, but somehow he's managed to bypass all of that this time.  I will probably miss that, as Doug's awkwardness around a setting that the reader knows better than he is a signature part of your writing style.  And it's super funny.

[1]: The one leading to the many is Tsukino Usagi.  Usagi is the one.

This is true.  But trust me... the changes that cascade from here on -- well, you know, I'll just let you discover them as they happen.  But Doug's still going to be fumbling about.  While at the same time being very competent at the things he's got long practice in.  I mean... he hasn't realized it yet, but he's just set himself up as a practicing public superhero for the first time in literally decades -- in fact, since he was ejected from Warriors' World.  (Just to complicate things, one of his last stops before this world, if not the last stop, was the "Moses" nanoStep, where he spent 20 years or so in a nomadic Iron-Age society...  It hasn't affected his ability to fit back in to modern life yet...)
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[DHBirr]

His battles with rampaging Boomers in DWII didn't count?
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Bob Schroeck]

Well, yeah, I suppose they would.  I mean, I'm drawing a distinction between DW2 and DWS in my mind, but it really is more one of degree than of type.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Skyfire2020]

On the topic of responses (and lack thereof). I generally don't have much to add beyond "this is good" and I try not to post such short responses since they tend to be banned in more places than they are accepted (I don't count short posts with links or videos - just the "me-too" type posts).

I can't say I noticed any problem with over explaining, but there again I read a lot of weber so I might have become immune to it.

Finally on the subject of returning to a higher technology level, from the little I've thought about it, I'd imagine it would be more a mental rather than a physical issue. By that I mean its not that you forget how to ride the push bike after not having one around for years, its that you set out on the long journey on foot and never even considered whether riding the bike would be more suitable.

Mark

[Herr Bad Moon]

Oh man, I wasn't even aware another DW came out if I hadn't been randomly rereading DW5 and noticed there was an extra DW I didn't recognize before I went "woah, did it come out??"

I haven't thought about Sailor Moon in years, or read fic on it in longer.  

I'm glad more DW is out!
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[Black Aeronaut]

Okay, so now that I've got the weekend to myself, here I am with the full review.

First off, some stuff that jumped out at me:

You woke up this morning,
Got yourself a gun.
Mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One.
She said, "You're one in a million;
You've got to burn to shine.
But you were born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes."

— Alabama 3, "Woke Up This Morning (Theme to The Sopranos)"

Dang, Bob, you mean you've never heard the album version of this song?  The one with the long, spoken intro?

Here's the intro:

And after three days of drinkin' with Larry Love
I just get an inklin' to go on home
So, I'm walkin' down Coldharbour Lane
Head hung low, three or four in the mornin'
The suns comin' up and the birds are out singing

I let myself into my pad
Wind myself up that spiral staircase
An' stretch out nice on the chesterfield
Pithecanthropus Erectus already on the CD player
And I just push that remote button to sublimity


And listen to the sweet sculptural rhythms of Charles Mingus
And J.R. Monterose and Jackie Mclean
Duet on those saxophones
And the sound makes it's way outta the window
Minglin' with the traffic noises outside, you know and

All of a sudden I'm overcome by a feelin' of brief mortality
'Cause I'm gettin' on in the world
Comin' up on forty-one years

Forty-one stoney gray steps towards the grave
You know the box, awaits it's grissly load
Now, I'm gonna be food for worms

And just like Charles Mingus wrote
That beautiful piece-a music, 'Epitaph for Eric Dolphy'

I say, so long Eric, so long, John Coltrane
And Charles Mingus, so long, Duke Ellington
And Lester Young, so long, Billie Holliday
And Ella Fitzgerald, so long, Jimmy Reed
So long, Muddy Waters, and so long Howlin' Wolf

As you can see, it puts the song into a completely different perspective.  :p

And then there was this bit of interesting world building...

63rd Day of the Fifth Greater Cycle of Darkness in the 10,014th Year of Exile

So, how does that calendar work?  

Reading about Beryl here, it's easy to see how deluded she really is, and I actually feel kinda bad for her.  It simply doesn't occur to her that there was no witchcraft performed on Mamoru, neither does it occur to her that Matalia is not going to be content with their deal.  I wonder how Doug is going to react when it all comes to light.

Reading about Luna's experiences - and knowing you, this is a reasonably accurate interpretation of cannon - I have to say it's a miracle that they even pulled off a win against Beryl and Matalia.  I mean, it showed in the anime towards the very end, but still...

I like how Doug handles things with Sailor Moon - he doesn't necessarily take over for her, but he doesn't leave anything to chance, either.  He is in 100% mentor mode.

Though I can see why Luna would be wary, I do hope that she comes around soon.  Maybe once she sees how well Doug's training works?

And oh, poor poor Ami!  She's such a sweet little thing.  But that sense of duty and commitment towards her studies, while laudable, is crippling.  It's going to be so sweet watching that poor little girl come out of her shell.  And I can't wait to see what you do with Rei, too.  (She is, after all, one of my favorites.  

Lots of Minako here.  Will she be joining up sooner than in cannon due to Doug's influence?

And oh man!  Bringing in Hotaru this soon!?  Shit is gonna start hitting the fan sooner than expected, I assume?