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More Random Naruto Crack:
Quote:"My name is Arthur Dent and I like tea. I dislike Thursdays. I could never get the hang of them."
Kakashi thought: "Well, that explains the pyjamas and the bathrobe."
Arthur continued: "My hobby is flying and my dream for the future is to never hear the word bypass again"
"Call me Ford Prefect. I like traveling and the fact that ninjas have an expense account. I dislike staying in boring places and my hobby is looking for interesting ones. My dream for the future is to go on a all expenses paid world tour."
"My name is Zaphod Beeblebrox. I like exciting new things and being excited by new things, especially girls. I dislike following the voices in my head, especially when they are my own. My hobby is creating newer and better drinks and my dream for the future is to become Hokage to abolish the ban on alcohol for Ninjas during missions!"
Kakashi closed his eyes and thought. "He has got my vote. I need a drink just from listening to these three."
"Who are you and what are you doing here?” Kakashi asked the figure in grey on the other end of the roof.
"My name is Marvin."
"And?"
"I am very depressed."
Kakashi just groaned.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
Herr Bad Moon
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From Scordatura by Davner.
Quote:Skuld smiled. “When I was growing up in Heaven, I always wanted to be just like her and Oneesama. Don’t get me wrong, I love Oneesama, but Sif was always so... I don’t know... just awesome...”
“Uh huh,” Keiichi replied.
The girl’s lips turned downward. This wasn’t going well.
“Her cooking is phenomenal,” Skuld told him.
“Yeah, but Belldandy’s is better,” Keiichi said.
“Sif... um... just loves motorcycles!” Skuld gushed. “Especially...” She looked down at the Beemer. “Deutchland...um... ic... motorcycles...”
Keiichi looked up at her and arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t get that impression.”
“Well... she does.”
“You know, Skuld, it sounds like you’re trying to get me to...”
“BELLDANDY WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!” she suddenly blurted.
The world stopped spinning for a second. Skuld replayed the moment in her mind, trying to figure out where that came from. Finally, she decided there was nothing to do but run with it.
“That’s right!” she said with certainty. “A tail! Sif? Tail-free!”
Keiichi just blinked at her. “Are... Are we talking about a cute kitty-cat tail or like a demonic, pig-like tail?”
Skuld blinked at him. “What?!”
“What?!” Keiichi repeated.
And later after Skuld calls Keiichi a cheater cheater pumpkin eater.
Quote:Standing in Keiichi’s room, Urd held up the Jack-O’Lantern and shook her head. “Who puts a pumpkin in a guy’s bed?”
“I know!” Skuld replied. “It seems like such a senseless crime!”
The older goddess’s eyes narrowed and she sighed. “Jesus, Skuld...”
“You think Jesus did this?!” Skuld cried in mock horror. “But he always seemed like such a nice guy!”
And after Belldandy casts and inadvised spell on a zombie.
Quote:What is that smell?” the zombie asked in an abnormally normal voice for a dead man. “Is this... Is this kerosene?!” he demanded. He looked up at Keiichi. “You were going to set me on fire!? You ass!”
“Oh, dear,” Belldandy said, covering her mouth with her hand in chagrin. “A little too much, I think...”
Keiichi, meanwhile, took exception to the dead man’s tone. “You’re a zombie,” he said. “You set zombies on fire! That’s what you do!” he said angrily.
“How would you like it if someone just came up to you while you were in the line at McInverse, doused you with gas and set you on fire?!” the zombie demanded. “Huh?! Would that be cool with you, G?!”
“Hey!” Keiichi cried in indignation. “It’s not the same thing! I’m not trying to bludgeon a ‘Xellos the Mysterious Pie’ to death and eat its brain!”
“Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch!” the zombie replied. “It’s not like anyone’s trying to eat your eyes or anything!”
EDIT: I was going to add more quotes, but jesus just go read the damn thing already. Sooo sooo worth it.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"
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Already did.
Pronounced "shy guy."
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Just finished... oh, about a minute and a half ago.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
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"How was class there Boss Man?"
"Fine Faith, a couple of students bitching about their paper grades, but they really didn't have much to stand on. Any answer from that archivist on
the origins of the Order of Teraka?"
"Kinda."
"Go on."
"Well I tried calling him up but I got this Terakan asshole instead, and he starts with this threatening crap, you know 'we'll hunt you down,
you'll never see us' that kinda stuff."
"So what happened?"
"I gave him our names and that we're with Miskatonic."
"And?"
"The records should be here by Monday."
The Call
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You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.
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Not exactly a fic quote, more "random forum spam", but I LOL'ed:
Quote: And in the time honored tradition, Klingon flame wars involve actual flame throwers.
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Quote: This had to be some horrendous nightmare, perhaps brought on by an extended bout of Cruciatus, Snape thought desperately. He must be hallucinating -
surely he was nice and safe and being tortured by the Dark Lord, and not sitting down to a meal as the newest member of the Weasley family? But his feeble
hopes were dashed when Molly smiled and handed him the bread basket. No matter how long he was Crucio'd, even his most fevered imaginings
couldn't have come up with the hand-embroidered doily, festooned with happy house elves, that covered the rolls.
Harry's New Home
D for Drakensis
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Quote:Rei closed her book, keeping a finger in between the pages to maintain her place, and gazed up at the other girl, pupils the only point of darkness on her face. Behind Asuka, Hikary flinched back slightly, then straightened up again, forcing herself to meet that gaze.
“Let's be friends!”
“Friends?” Rei echoed. She really wished the other girl would go away and leave her in peace. “For what reason?”
“Why? Because it's convenient.”
Rei opened her book again. “Convenience is a sufficient reason. However, other directives stand before the preservation of the friendship which now exists between us,” she replied, turning that terrible gaze from Asuka, who seemed entirely unaffected by it.”
Asuka paused, stance deflating. “You... do understand what friendship is, right?”
“A mutual bond entailing benefits and obligations for both parties,” Rei stated in her monotone, all attention seemingly on the book. “It is a legacy of the social pack-pursuit origins of humanity.”
The German's face took on the appearance that most people's did, when they had an extended conversation with Rei. “You're strange.”
“Asuka!” gasped Hikary, in the background. “That's not right.”
“And you're charming,” said Rei softly.
Asuka turned to leave, as this wasn't getting anywhere.
“Oh, hah hah,” she added over her shoulder.
“Thank you,” Rei replied, in the same monotone.
http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthre ... 260&page=9
Aeon Natum Engel, Chapter 10
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Quote:Three seconds into the new day ships began folding into the Sol system and kept arriving for almost two minutes before stopping. Minmei Lynn made her tallies and reported “Sir, Marduk ships stand at eight million six hundred and forty eight thousand nine hundred and sixteen. Setim ships stand at twelve hundred and twelve.”
The JDO and her much younger lover gulped and forwarded the report onwards and upwards.
“General Bernard, enemy force disposition indicates they will be using their contingency plan 23 Golf, begin spamming them” ordered Admiral Gloval after reviewing the enemy’s setup.
“Yes, sir” replied the Sandhurst graduate before keying the appropriate comm. code “Initiate spamming.”
Deep within Space Station Liberty in a mess hall converted into a makeshift operations center, the elderly man pressed the button and spoke into the golden microphone he’d used for decades and long thought would remain enshrined in the Radio Hall of Fame.
Over the enemy’s currently active subspace channel, the Marduk officers and their almost mindless metal head Zentreadi forces heard the sounds of human infants screaming, women shrieking, high power vacuum cleaners, loud slurping sounds, and finally a toilet flushing. A human male speaks in an over the top bombastic tone “That was the Caller Abortion Machine made famous, or maybe infamous, during the first few years of my Radio Hall of Fame show. Greetings and Salutations across the fruited system, welcome to the E.I.B, Excellence In Broadcasting Network, I’m your host Rush Limbaugh fresh out of retirement to welcome our illegal foreign alien invaders, now go home” after a longish pause, “Didn’t think that would work but had to give it a try all the same, but please while you’re here enjoy the best monologues, bits, and songs from my decades long most listened to radio program in the universe!”
Whoa, Toto, I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore - Macross II / Stargate: The Movie crossover.
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Sucrose Octanitrate.
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Quote: Over the enemy's currently active subspace channel, the Marduk officers and their almost mindless metal head Zentreadi forces heard the sounds of human
infants screaming, women shrieking, high power vacuum cleaners, loud slurping sounds, and finally a toilet flushing. A human male speaks in an over the top
bombastic tone "That was the Caller Abortion Machine made famous, or maybe infamous, during the first few years of my Radio Hall of Fame show. Greetings
and Salutations across the fruited system, welcome to the E.I.B, Excellence In Broadcasting Network, I'm your host Rush Limbaugh fresh out of retirement
to welcome our illegal foreign alien invaders, now go home" after a longish pause, "Didn't think that would work but had to give it a try all
the same, but please while you're here enjoy the best monologues, bits, and songs from my decades long most listened to radio program in the
universe!"
Oh wow. I don't think the Geneva Convention even covers this. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Not that I'm a rabid republican, but it's good to see that guy put to proper use. *Evil Grin*
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Quote: blackaeronaut wrote:
Quote: Over the enemy's currently active subspace channel, the Marduk officers and their almost mindless metal head Zentreadi forces heard the sounds of human
infants screaming, women shrieking, high power vacuum cleaners, loud slurping sounds, and finally a toilet flushing. A human male speaks in an over the top
bombastic tone "That was the Caller Abortion Machine made famous, or maybe infamous, during the first few years of my Radio Hall of Fame show.
Greetings and Salutations across the fruited system, welcome to the E.I.B, Excellence In Broadcasting Network, I'm your host Rush Limbaugh fresh out of
retirement to welcome our illegal foreign alien invaders, now go home" after a longish pause, "Didn't think that would work but had to give
it a try all the same, but please while you're here enjoy the best monologues, bits, and songs from my decades long most listened to radio program in
the universe!"
Oh wow. I don't think the Geneva Convention even covers this. MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Not that I'm a rabid republican, but it's good to see that guy put to proper use. *Evil Grin*
He's got a lot of uses. That's not one of them.
If you're going for the famous Macross Culture Attack, there are more performers than I can list who would do better. If you're going for
disorientation, run one of those hyper-sugary kids' anime at double-speed over the com. For disgust factor, might I suggest Howard Stern?
It is awesome, though.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
I think Howard Stern would simply baffle them... I mean they'd literally have no clue what half of what he said actually meant in the first place.
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Besides, Stern's in the next studio over.
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True, true.
Why put the same thing on every frequency when we have so many options?
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
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Legion's Quest, because Ed Becerra's been on my mind of late.
Quote: Leon McNichol picked up the coin between a thumb and forefinger, absently
watching the light from the overhead fixtures glint on it's bright surface.
"So.. we have another _unusual_ person in Mega-Tokyo. First the Knight
Sabers, then the Crystal Knight, the Elf shows up, there's a werewolf
working ADP duty, and one of my best men is now a woman." He rubbed his
aching eyes. "Life in the ADPolice. It just doesn't get any better than
this."
"It could be worse, sir."
"How?"
"I could have fleas."
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
The Hunterminator
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Quote: ECSNorway wrote:
Legion's Quest, because Ed Becerra's been on my mind of late.
Speaking of which, I have a question. Since I've first heard of it, I've tried to find somewhere where Legion's Quest is hosted and
I've never had much luck. Does anyone know where I could find it?
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I know he posted a link to it recently... lemme dig for a minute.
Hrm. All I'm finding is a link to the Twisted Path crossover chapter I quoted from...
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.arts ... 199e?pli=1
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Some of it's on the RAAC archive.
Pronounced "shy guy."
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Quote:"Just so you know," said the Commander, handing off the empty snack bag to his inferior, "I'm expecting an assassination attempt tomorrow morning, so clear your schedule and try to act surprised when Section-2 rushes you to the panic room."
"Bastards. You think they could have done it today and saved us having to sit through that meeting."
"Also, I want you to have dinner with Shinji."
"What?"
"He should know more about Yui besides the half-truths the media will be feeding him once everything comes out."
Fuyutsuki crumpled up the bag and stuffed it back into his uniform jacket. He took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled. "You haven't started drinking again, have you?"
Gendo snorted. "Unlike our Operations Director, I know when and where not to indulge myself."
"Could have fooled me."
"You weren't always this snarky, Professor. I miss the old man who used to occasionally warm my seat and grumble about ethics and morality while still sending children to the slaughter."
The Vice-Commander, who was holding his hands behind his back as he was prone to, said, "You can't see it, Rokubungi, but I'm making a rude hand gesture towards you right now."
Ikari leaned backwards and glanced at the elderly man's backside. "My. You are."
Quote:Seventh Heaven was Tokyo-3's premiere stripper bar, which was a lot like saying Jack the Ripper was Victorian London's premiere patron of prostitutes. While it didn't have the refined grace of Room 747 or uptown's Lakefront Club, Seventh Heaven was accessible to the common man (e.g. anyone too cheap to pay for quality).
-- from Taking Sights, Chapter 22
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
Jenova Silverstar
Unregistered
Quote: "Who's joking?" Wally asked. "Batman calls me up late at night with his typical 'the shit has hit the fan' tone of voice and tells
me that something's happened. I'm half-expecting a new Legion of Doom headed by Darkseid, Brainiac, the Anti-Montior, Mongul, Lex Luthor, the Joker
whose mind somehow got put inside Doomsday, and Clock King to attack."
Kyle glared at Wally. "All those villains and you throw in Clock King!" He said with a little disgust.
-- Enter The Magician by RubyPaladin
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
--Dr. Seuss
The Hunterminator
Unregistered
Quote: Shay Guy wrote:
Some of it's on the RAAC
archive.
*takes a peek*
Thank's a lot, if the numbers are right, those are the first three parts, which let's me read the beginning at the very least. *bookmarks*
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And now, some more of Team Lie:
Quote:Their reactions were mixed. On one hand, it was more than reasonably likely that their superiors didn’t order the murder of Fire country civilians for anything less than the best reasons, so it was great that they were doing something important. On the other hand…
“I don’t know if I like this, really,” Naruto confessed to his teammates. “I feel conflicted, as if killing innocent people who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time was somehow…” He shrugged.
“Wrong?” Sasuke offered.
Naruto looked relieved. “Wrong, yeah, that’s it.”
“Well, no one is ever innocent,” Hinata said by way of making it better.
“Yeah, but if I don’t think I can kill everyone who is guilty of something,” Naruto countered.
Hinata thought about that for a moment, then looked at him again.
“I believe in you, Naruto,” she said seriously.
“Do your best!” Sasuke said in a parody of the traditional encouragement.
Naruto facepalmed.
Sasuke shrugged. “I know what you’re saying, actually. And yeah, fine. We’ll find out what actually happened. It might be a test of some sort, you know.”
“Sasuke is right. On one hand, a shinobi is supposed to obey orders without question, but on the other, our superiors have shown concern over our willingness to kill. Perhaps we are supposed to react with concern?”
“The question is… what would normal people do?” Sasuke asked.
Naruto looked up quickly. “No, Sasuke, we are not going to kidnap someone off the street and ask them.”
Sasuke frowned, then smirked. That wasn’t what he’d meant, but on second thought it was a funny thing to be accused of, so he let it slide.
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From one of Cpl_Facehugger's posts to Entry With A Bang on Spacebattles.com:
Anton Greene was not having a good day. His platoon's Javelins weren't doing much more than pissing off that monstrous mech, and its machine guns were
doing decidedly more than just pissing off his platoon in return.
He looked at his rifle and put it down. People it could kill, but giant killer robots? Not happening.
He looked at his pack, set aside by a particularly sturdy-looking support column. Or at least it had been particularly sturdy-looking, before that mech's
machine guns had thoroughly perforated it.
A role of duct tape was clipped to it, and his leather notebook lay next to the pack. Anton always tried to keep a notebook with him. He hoped that maybe once
his stint in the army was over, he'd be able to publish his drabbles as something worthwhile.
He smiled a cracked, shark-like smile. The first of many rather unhinged grins he'd go through before the day was done. Before the shift, he'd had a
preference for writing science-fiction. He'd written scores of pages of sci-fi war. But now, with mechs roaming the streets and lasers and working fusion
reactors, perhaps he wasn't writing sci-fi so much as modern war fiction.
The mech had turned and stopped, its cockpit facing him. With a good leap he could probably jump and reach it. He almost got the impression it was talking to
someone.
Probably on a radio, or whatever the hell these things used.
And then, a thought struck him. That thing had an awfully huge cockpit. If the pilot was smart, he'd be worried if someone stuck explosives to it.
Ants' grin fell. He didn't have any explosives handy. The javelins had already shown they couldn't dent-
-His eyes fell upon a case of MREs in the corner. His platoon had brought them up because they didn't know how long they were going to stay here.
Another crazy idea made its way across his cerebral matter. Crazy, sure, but it was a damn sight better then getting machine-gunned when that mech finally
noticed him.
"-Alright, I'm on my way back now," Natalie replied. "Brox, Tyron, fall back to the dropper. See if we can't pick up Janet on the way
back. I - WHAT THE HELL."
"Boss?" Tyron asked.
A native man, clad in grey and black urban combat fatigues, had leapt from the nearby structure and onto Old Melville's cockpit, to which he now
clung.
Natalie almost moved her mech's arm up to squash him like a roach, only to halt when she noticed what else he was wearing.
The man had a half dozen brown packages taped to his chest, with thin red and green wiring going between the packages and a small device in his hand.
He was wired to blow.
For the first time in her career as a mechwarrior, Natalie froze. A look of shock plastered itself all over her face.
The native grinned a wide, manic grin, and then pointed to a small notebook he held with his other hand.
It was open to a page which read: "SURRENDER OR DIE!"
Natalie blinked. Was this guy bluffing, or just insane?
Then, still clutching the detonator, the man seemed to peer even closer at her through the mech's transparent armored canopy.
He brought the notebook down and rested it on a precariously balanced knee, then, with his free arm, he hastily scrawled something else onto the notebook's
page and held it up.
"P.S. YOU'RE CUTE! WANT TO GO OUT?"
-----
Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
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s BlackAeronaut pointed out in another thread, this really should be listed here.
It's not the Size of the Dog in the Fight (B:tVS, YAHF)
http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-19725/Sa ... +Fight.htm
far too many good bits to choose from. 8)
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Laughing... too hard.... can't BREATH....
07-26-2009, 08:50 PM
Quote: Timote wrote:
s BlackAeronaut pointed out in another thread, this really should be listed here.
It's not the Size of the Dog in the Fight (B:tVS, YAHF)
http://www.tthfanfic.org/...The+Dog+In+The+Fight.htm
far too many good bits to choose from. 8)
Okay, I have to second that, and I'm only on the third page. The merging of the two consciousnesses involved is... just *so* right, in a
totally *wrong* way.
The Clancy/BT crossover is Big Dang Fun too, but it looks like the update rate is slow. Argh. And "The Virginia War" hasn't updated in months
due to Severe Muse Distraction. Argh again.
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