ROTFL: The comeback

[Sirrocco]

Since people have asked, my typical day of writing is as follows: I like to wake up with Hennessy and oysters, and then, still bleary eyed, I stumble into
my office to be mean to people on the internet. Writing asshole characters doesn't come naturally to me, so I find I need daily practice at being one.
When I decide to write, I often start by killing a hobo and turning his skin into a fine poncho. This gets me into a creative, bloodthirsty mood, and pleases
the dark gods who have claimed my heart. I pound a few red bulls and immediately check my email and favorite porn sites. This usually kills the rest of the
day, but should I get bored of cheap cialis and hastily documented sodomy, I'll usually prepare to actually write. A meal first, I'm partial to
chicken milk and cocaine, then I usually turn off trillian to remove distractions. Furious keyboard pounding is next, (that's the cocaine kicking in) and
then once I get control of my body again I'll settle into some nice serious writing. This may last between five minutes and 16 hours, depending on real
life events, time of day, and other intangible factors. Average production is generally between 3 and 5 thousand words for any given writing session, though
my record is OVER NINE THOUSAND!!

Oh, lord. I'd better tell you all I'm joking or someone, somewhere, will believe me.

I am joking, people.

Chapter 23 of People Lie - the author's note.