(10-31-2017, 06:29 PM)robkelk Wrote: Probably not.
The less-important comment first: If you've read my sidestories in There's Nothing Better, you'll know that I am jealous of Ben's sleeping arrangements.
The more-important comment: You might be trying to get too many things done before Ben wakes up. I'm not sure how quiet Usagi and Rei started out, but are they still whispering by the time Usagi wakes Ami? Mind you, I have no idea how deep a sleeper Makoto is, let alone Minako or Ben. I might be way off-base here.
Hoi! Write yer own SI!
They're supposed to be tiptoeing and whispering the whole time. I'll fix that in the next update.
And I would say they're all pretty much dead to the world at this point. Benjamin wasn't the only one riding the emotional rollercoaster, after all.
(11-01-2017, 08:07 AM)Bob Schroeck Wrote: I'm sorry, BA, my entire life is in slow motion right now for various reasons. (More major dental work this afternoon, yay.)
That said, I love the futon-cuddle scene. Oh, and the ohana element/theme. Once the girls really internalize the concept, it's going to come back to haunt them when they distance themselves from him later, I can see it. (If it were not for the fact that Doug must inevitably move on and leave someone behind, I'd've used ohana as a theme myself in DW.) I have to admit that I have some concerns about the earlier part being an info-dump, but I'm in the middle of reading a Potter fanfic that suffers horribly from it, so I might just be sensitized.
I'll take a look and see if I can make it seem like Ben is reflecting on the last few utterly tumultuous months of his life and what led to that turning point. You think that would help?
I apologise if this seems kinda short. It's just that I'm at work right now and using my phone to make this post.
