Deja Vu, Chapter 01

[SkyeFire]

Well, after... I'm not sure how long, but it's been quite a while, I've posted the current draft of Deja Vu 01 at
fiction.skyefire.org/fict...vu_01.html
I'm psyching myself up to posting it to the FFML as well.
I can't even find the topic where I posted Chapter 0, the original spamfic --might've been lost to the Great EZboard Hack Attack-- but it's also there at
fiction.skyefire.org/fict..._vu_0.html
Now, gimme another two years or so, and I might actually finalize this chapter and get started on Ch2...

[Bob Schroeck]

Oh, my, oh, my, I had forgotten all about this.
I am so glad to see more!
(After reading)
Nice. Very nice. I definitely want to see more -- you've taken the jokey spamfic and turned it into a hell of a story beginning.
The only quibble I have at the moment is the line "being 'niichan's 'neesan". "'nii" means exclusively "older brother", to the best of my knowledge. You want to use "ototo", which IIRC is "little brother".

-- Bob
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The Internet Is For Norns.

[SkyeFire]

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Oh, my, oh, my, I had forgotten all about this.
I am so glad to see more!

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Awww, I bet you say that to all the author-wannabes....

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(After reading)
Nice. Very nice. I definitely want to see more -- you've taken the jokey spamfic and turned it into a hell of a story beginning.

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Now I just have to hope I can keep it up.
I hadn't intended it get quite so serious, but what was drop-dead funny to us was definitely *not* to Leon. That's probably why I switched to Daley for my viewpoint character for most of the chapter -- *he* can still see the humor in the situation.

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The only quibble I have at the moment is the line "being 'niichan's 'neesan". "'nii" means exclusively "older brother", to the best of my knowledge. You want to use "ototo", which IIRC is "little brother".

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Really? Oh, heck. I always thought that the "-chan" suffix would suffice. Darn Japanese, always killing my alliteration....

[DHBirr]

Yaaaaay!
And I look forward to finding out who the friends are Jennifer talked or dragged into being her fellow Senshi -- especially Um, do I have to um, SABER MERcureeeek! Leon and Priss may need to have some interesting conversations with the other girls' parents.
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Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Hell, I just want to see what kind of pretzel Priss bends Mackie into once she gets her hands on him!
It's sweet that the spamfic turned into a longfic. I'm looking forward to what comes out!*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org