Into the pool

[Sirrocco]

*creaks joints*
Okay. I'll get back to it.
In return, though, I'm going to ask that somebody - *anybody* give me some feedback on that last block posted. Specifically, does anyone have any idea what I was doing with it? Comments on whether it was done well/poorly? Comments on whether or not it was a good idea in the first place?
It was a subtle(?), significant, and potentially risky piece of character development. To a degree it was there all along, and to a degree I've been trying to figure out how to keep from doing serious damage to one of the Cool Bits of the story in its wake.
or, to put it another way, *please*, *please* investigate this too closely.
I've got a bit more written but not yet postable. I'll see what I can do about filling it out more tonight.

[DHBirr]

Well, this seemed so obvious to me that I figured I was either mistaken or it's a red herring, but it looks like you're creating a triangle here: him, the magical girl, and Kiura. That whole business with Kiura manifesting a body to curl up sleeping -- she's apparently heard somewhere that pretty girls look even cuter curled up sleeping -- and stretching, even though he thinks, "But spirits don't need to...." And the reference to the way she looks up at him while applying her lips to the cut on his hand. It really looks to me like she's putting moves on him. But you said a "subtle" development, and this notion kind of jumped out and waved at me, so maybe I'm all wet on this....
I have no idea what "Domitor" means, so I can't guess what the significance of that is.
Now considering he's promised to eventually go with the magical girl to her world if there's nothing keeping him in his own (I know I'm oversimplifying), I wonder, if I'm right about Kiura's motivations: 1) Is she willing to share? and 2) Is she able to leave this world?
I liked the way he was unnerved by Kiura's uncharacteristic kittenish behavior. And thinking about it, he seemed shaken by the magical girl's affectionate ways, too. Has he maybe been living like a celibate? Married to the job? Hasn't had enough contact with women who seem attracted to him? What happens if some of her paranoia rubs off on him and he starts to wonder if she's setting him up for something?
If you were actually talking about something else when you said a "subtle ... character development," then I apologize for wasting your time and I have no idea how to help.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Sirrocco]

Thing 1: I really have no idea what is and is not subtle. This is one of the reasons I crave feedback. Thing 2: that's the unsubtle part, but... it's not simple, by any means, and some of the complexities may well be subtle. In particualr, it may be that some of the complexities are entirely impenetrable to anyone who hasn't known and understood the right sorts of people already.
As for the semi-monastic life: you did notice the bit, right? The one where he was trying to prove that he had a life and failed? Of course, that's not the only factor, or even the primary factor, in *either* case. Not by a fair margin. As a hint, notice the *ways* in which he reacts to each of them. It is also worth noticing that he considered his covenanted spirits when trying to justify his life, but that they were not an argument against leaving.
"Domitor" as some obvious(?) roots with obvious implications. Add that to the fact that it is invariably used by Hethia (who pretty much always speaks both formally and respectfully - even when making fun of him) and you should be able to figure out most of the connotations pretty well.
Also, you are by no means wasting my time. Even getting bits of "I see this, I don't see that" feedback is really quite useful for me. If you have any speclation, i'd love to hear that, too.

[Sirrocco]

Next bit. I've fit some stuff that's reasonably subtle in here, around the blunt stuff. I'd be interested to hear what people manage to catch:
------------------------
We roll *fast*. I can feel that Kiura really wants to stretch out her racing legs and feel out how she's been touched by the Contract and the Covenant. Somehow I can't seem to summon the will to deny her. We stop for a moment before the highway, so I can hang the dice properly, and then we *really* let her rip.
We're still giggling as we pull into the driveway, half an hour later. It's a *good* thing that the local roads are so empty this time of night. I set her in park, and then we just sit there for a while, buzzing from the endorphins. Finally the rush fades down to a soft glow, and I pull myself out and speak the Parting. Good car. Then I head for the door. Her voice stops me, just as I'm about to leave.
"Hey, Boss - can we do that again a time or two, you think?"
"Well, maybe." Of course, by 'Maybe' I mean 'Yes', and she knows it. Tearing up the asphault was a hell of a lot of fun, after all - but I can't possibly afford to play cop roulette as often as she'd want to. Better to keep things under control.
"Okay. Cool."
I blearily make my way upstairs, and crash.
I dream...sweet dreams. Strange sweet dreams, that leave me happy but confused, that are torn from my mind by the horrible shrieking of my alarm clock.
I struggle my eyelids open, and my still-robed arms reach grimly for the machine. There. That's it. Peace. Now I can...
Wait a moment.
I'm still wearing the Regalia. I've been in ritual gear with an unshielded will all night. Okay. Thankfully, if I'm lucky, no one else ever has to know. Ever. Right. First things first. I check the pockets.... Good. Nothing missing, nothing broken. All of the gear is still intact. Fortunately, I actually *have* appropriate storage in my closet, so I can strip it off before the next part. The Instruments and Substances all go into their warded box, keyed to my lifesign. The Robe has its own special hangar. Then I pull on some boxers, because doing the next part nude? It would be bad. I sit seiza in the center of the room, and cast a circle about myself with a finger and my will upon the carpet. It's not much. Hopefully, it won't have reason to be.
"Spirit born of mind, I call you forth. Awaken, spirit, and show yourselves to me."
Sparkles of glimmering light and wisps of ether wink into existence, and begin to crl in towards me. As they approach, they grow, and accumulate together, until there are streams of spirit wrapping around me. Finally, they coalesce into a shape, of a naked woman, still wrapped around me. Thankfully, back at school, they trained us in how to deal with such things. I do absolutely nothing. I remain perfectly still, in meditative position.
"What would you have of me, Domitor?"
"Spirit born of thought, I request that you remove yourself from this realm. Go forth fromt he material and trouble me no further."
She pouts. I can't see it, but she was called forth from my mind. I couldn't ignore it if I tried. "But I like it here. It's nice. Feels good." She gives me an extra squeeze. "Doesn't it feel good to you?"
"Spirit born of dream, I compel you. Be gone. Go you once more to the Court where you belong, and release those icons which are mine."
"Well, okay. If you put it that way."
Then she squeezes up tight against me one last time, and sticks her tongue in my ear, before dissapating. Finally, I am alone again. I can let myself lose it now. I do so.
Five minutes later, with my breathing back under control, I pick myself back up off the carpet, feeling much better. I pull on pants, perform morning hygiene, and head downstairs. Next stop, breakfast.
There is singing in my kitchen. I freeze for a moment, senses alert. I stay frozen for a while past that, just listening. Her voice is quite nice when I'm not thinking of it as a tell-tale clue for a potentail ambush. Finally, I smile, and enter. She's made pancakes.

[Black Aeronaut]

*Snickers!* Suddenly I'm reminded of that one little scenelet in Ghost Busters where Peter is 'assaulted' by some spirit while in his bed...

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"But first, let's test it on the penguin."
"Meep?" O.o

---

[Alex DarkFire]

*cough*
Well, I could be seeing things that arn't there. but seems to me, someones spirits like him alot more then he's expecting/realizes ^^;
or to be more honest, the first thing I thought after reading that last part was 'Hmmm, wonder how that guys going to deal with *likely* havn't a troupe of magical girls AND a spirit or three as romantic subplots /laugh'
The rituals your showing and the ways the magic works are one of the things I like the most about this little storys of yours, the whole 'Reality' bit is an intresting addition as well.
it somewhat reminds me of Shadowrun without the shadows ^^; at least not yet. not all dark and nasty angsty at least.

well hope that helps, as I'm not running on all cylinders *its 1:30am and I'm getting over a bug* but its the best I can do at the moment.
Alex DarkFire
Q: "How can you tell if a guy is well-hung?"
A: "You can't get your finger between his neck and the rope."

[Sirrocco]

Well, to be fair, it's only one of each, so far. On the other hand, he's not dealing partiularly well with the idea of either of them *individually*, so....
(Hethia has yet to show any hint of sexuality at all. She likes him, certainly, but Not In That Way. The dream-shade is just a temporary manifestation. Still, for this guy? Two is more than enough.)

[Hollow49]

---

I can let myself lose it now. I do so.
Five minutes later, with my breathing back under control, I pick myself back up off the carpet, feeling much better.

---

This gives rise to - how to put it - an interesting mental image. Did you mean to imply what you seem to be implying here?
It reads like spirit summoning is sufficiently easy (with the right equipment) that dreams can conjure up a succubus-like spirit if one leaves oneself open. This implies to me that the spirits are a common part of the setting as a whole, and not just of the lifestyle of our (acknowledged exceptional) protagonist.
Nice touch at the end bringing in our mahou shoujo there, too.

[Happerry]

potentail ambush?Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Sirrocco]

I may have to edit that. I'd meant only that he had a small, controlled mental breakdown. As for conjuring up Spirits... well, he is a trained Spiritcaller (which involves a fair amount of attunement over time to spirit energies) and he was wearing a full set of gear that was designed specifically and at some expense to enable ritual spiritmagics. If he'd gone to sleep without the Regalia (as he's done many times before) nothing would have happened. In this world, spirits are a fact of life, but other than having it be a good idea to respect the places of quiet power in the world, they mostly only matter to the people who decide to focus on them.
Grr... Currently trying to hack out another bit, but having difficulty getting interested in any of it. Any requests from the peanut gallery as to things you'd like to see between pancakes and heading in to work to see the doc?

[DHBirr]

One other consideration that's been rattling around (lonesomely) in my brain regarding this: the magical girl shows up, and Kiura decides she wants to get closer to Keddington. Is this coincidence, or did the magical girl trigger it, whether magically or in a mundane way? And if magically, is it deliberate? I'm not asking you to tell me, understand; I'm suggesting that Keddington may start thinking very hard about it -- and in his line of work, it isn't paranoia, 'cause people/things really are out to get him.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Sirrocco]

Is thought. I thank you for thought. I'm thinking it doesn't apply, though. First, Vincent is, by this point, pretty used to having totally random things Just Happen to him, and they happen with enough frequency that if he was going to fret over coincidences of timing he'd drive himself nuts. Second, because he still hasn't admitted anything about the whole Kiura dynamic to himself yet. At some level he knows - the word choice should make *that* pretty obvious - but his conscious mind just isn't acknowledging it.
It's also worth noting that Vincent doesn't really worry about underneath the underneath much in general. He's got too much to deal with sitting right there on the surface. Things *are* out to get him, but they're all essentially completely unpredictable from where he stands. Either it's at work and it's a demonic incursion, in which case it happened because someone somewhere on some entirely different plane of existence decided to go warping across the planar barrier in search of lunch, or it's a side effect of his being Real and thus completely random.
I *do* know what caused the change in Kiura, as it turns out... It's peripherally associated with the girl's arrival, but it's more "random factors of life" than anything earth-shaking.