Deleted ... post

[A117]

[CattyNebulart]

well you hit the forum at a bad time with most of peoples attention going to fenspace, but I still intend to send you those reviews when I have time.
Starting with chapter 7 is probably not the best way to start a story but here it goes:
>New words such as "DEEP SUBMERGE!", "WORLD SHAKING!" and "DEAD SCREAM!" would be heard (though if a "DEAM SCREAM!" attack was heard, it would mean that the situation was very serious).
yuk parentesies and a typo. try:
Yells such as "DEEP SUBMERGE!", "WORLD SHAKING!", and if the situation was very dire even "DEAD SCREAM!" would be heard.
After setsuna gets turned she has some drastic and unexplained differences in behavior, it also becomes very confusing to read, but at least there is less exposition.
Overall:
1) Don't use parentesies.
2) Less exposition, show us what's going on instead of telling us.
3) Characters do not act arbitrarily, it might be because I haev not read the previous 6 chapters but Setsuna's behavior makes no sense. This could be alivated by showing us her POV on what is going on.
4) After posting check to make sure junk symbols don't appear, they are annoying.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."