ROTFL: Can has Cheeseburger?

[Necratoid]

I respond with this bit from the end of chapter 11 of 'The Great Romantic':

"Well, at the start of the fight he was drawing on the Kyuubi chakra, and gave me a good look at the seal on his stomach... It was the most absurd
seal I've ever seen! I don't think its actually possible to extract the Ninetails and live through the process. It's got so many safeguards that
I doubt both of us working in concert could survive the unsealing, and the resulting fight and capture of Kyuubi!"

Pain stared as Tobi continued to rant and wave his arms about. 'It can't be that bad...'

"I didn't get a good look at all of it, but not only would removing the seal cause the boy to actually turn into some crazy fox thingy as it went
on... But there was one part of it that looked like if you pulled off too much of the seal, the freakin Yondaime himself would somehow appear and stop you!
How the hell do you do that?"

"You... got all of that from looking at the seal once?"

"Pain, remember that you aren't the only one with a crazy doujutsu here..."

Pain rolled his eyes at that. As if Madara could go five minutes without mentioning his Sharingan, and how not only did he reach the highest level... But
he went beyond that into an even more ridiculous level!

"Anyway, my plan to capture all the biju obviously won't work now... And I was so looking forward to catching them all... At least I can still
get the Sandslash, Persian, and Lapras easily..."

Tobi wandered out of the meeting, muttering to himself.

Leaving Pain and Konan to stare at each other in confusion.

"What... What was he talking about at the end there?"

"I think some things are better left off to mystery. No, our bigger concern here now is how to succeed in our goals without the power of the
Kyuubi..."

[classicdrogn]

Sure, but that's just fanfic, I'm talking canon Madara...

Anyway, I haven't even read http://www.ficwad.com/story/77238 yet, but the author's note gets a mention
for truth and funny in advertising. Promises to be very NSFW.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[katreus]

He and Ranma had then taken out the final element of their stupidly named “liberal application of high explosives technique.” Ryouga still wasn’t sure that simply blowing everything to Hell merited a proper martial arts technique name, but regardless… two jury rigged blaster bombs had completed the so called “technique.”

-The Road to Cydonia
Ranma / XCOM

Don't know why I didn't read this before but it's hilarious and epic.

[Wiregeek]

two jury rigged blaster bombs had completed the so called "technique."

Ooh, got a link for that?
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[katreus]

Link: http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=79941

Start of the thread. It's LONG though and it sucks you in. Unfinished too sadly. But what is written is pretty awesome, IMO.

[Valles]

---

“In the real world, little brats,” Ibiki continued, “You'll be sent out on missions where you'll have a likely chance of dying. If you can't handle a situation like this, how can we expect you to handle a situation like that, like ninja? In the ninja world, you won't have a chance to pass up a mission like that. You will be given it, and you will be expected to have the fortitude to handle it.”

Suddenly a low mist flowed across the floor of the room, the lights dimming all around them. As the various genin began to tense, a slow, thudding beat began to pulse through the air. Suddenly, there was an explosion of smoke directly in front of Ibiki and his proctors.

When it cleared, the entire room was staring.

The entire room, save for Naruto and his teammates, who took one look at the spectacle in front of them, then hung their heads in shame.

Hiashi and Inoichi stood side to side, heads bowed, and hands crossed atop their individual canes. A slow shine of lights reflected off a disco ball that hadn't been there moment's before, catching against the brightly color silk of their robes. The bright shine of the purple of Hiashi's robes matched the broad brimmed hat, with a single yellow feather lazily swaying about. Inoichi, matched him, but in a brilliant, almost neon blue as he matched his friend in their pose.

Behind them, the genin could make out a group of poles that had some how appeared out of thin air, each adorned by a rather scantily clad leaf kunoichi writhing about them in a sensual dance. At either man's side, they had similarly outfitted kunoichi, hanging off their arms, as a banner spread behind them. Those that tore their eyes from the spectacle, managed to read its message: “Hiashi Hyuga and Inoichi Yamanaka, Second Stage Chunin examiners!”

---

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4771093/1/Bondage_Style , which is just as cracktastic as you're thinking.
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[CattyNebulart]

Here is a better link. It's also posted elsewhere if you don't like ff.net. It has been recomended before and it is ocasionaly mention on the updates
thread.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2314624/1/T ... to_Cydonia
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Wiregeek]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2314624/1/T ... to_Cydonia

I just finished Chapt. 18, for some reason, there was no scrollbar on the chapter list, so I thought that was it...

I hit next anyway, got chapter 19, the scrollbar, realized how MUCH more of this there is, and am now burbling happily.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[katreus]

“Come with me if you want to live. Yes, yes, I’m talking from a giant flying wolf. Now get off of your asses, and climb on board, before I blow up this place to smithereens. –No I am perfectly fine. Stop looking at me like that. Get away-- let go of me-- stupid figments of my imagination… YES IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO BLOW IT ALL UP.”

Duran zoomed along the air currents, trying desperately to ignore the writhing creatures on his back. He was so close to his destination, and so close to a well deserved rest.

Absentmindedly he flicked his ear forward, to ease the itch there, before he remembered what he was doing.

Duran looked downwards with his eyes, and watched as a small pink figure rapidly fell towards the ground.

Whoops, he dropped one.

“And there towards the East,” Shizuru drew a three pronged crown to the right of the first circle, “is the Cardair Empire. The country is governed by three emperors, but in a more practical sense, the one who rules for the day is whoever sits on the throne first.”

“Really?” Natsuki asked.

“—And the Emperors also have to fight for the single pair of royal underwear,” Yohko’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “No, of course it’s not true. Stop trying to confuse her.” Yohko said angrily.

“—But shame on you Shizuru!” Mai continued, pointed an accusing finger at Shizuru. “How could you not feed her? You know Natsuki has a blood sugar problem.”

“Ah, yes, perhaps I am a little guilty of that.” Shizuru said with a sly smile. “Why, almost half of Cardair would be still standing if I did.”

-Mai Otome Remix
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4128363/1/Mai_Otome_Remix

[s3yang]

Dear god, that entire remix fic is hilarious!

[ECSNorway]

Mireille Bouquet pays a visit to the SEELE committee:

“You four are in a lot of trouble,” She began. “You’ve been working for an agency that has been actively sabotaging a military force in time of war. That is an act of treason. Since NERV is responsible for protecting the entire world from the Angels, you have actually managed to commit treason against every single nation in the world at the same time, something which nobody’s ever done before. The arguments in the UN over who will get to oversee your executions will likely take months.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3646768/25/ ... ds_of_NERV
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

Vita meets the Inners on the training range once they get their newly upgraded henshin pens (which are now Inteligent Devices, BTW)...

Rei nodded. "When can we try these out on something?"

Vita spoke up. "Whenever you're ready we can get started." She and Nanoha had also transformed. Vita's outfit was pretty in a gothy sort
of way, with an elaborate hat. And a large hammer. "Anyone who wants to work on barriers can join me over here."

The Senshi exchanged glances. Something in the short woman's tone was worrying. Seeing their hesitation, Vita snickered. "Oh come on, I won't
hurt you. No more than Nanoha would, anyway."

"That's not exactly a comfort," muttered Rei. Vita's snicker became a full laugh.

"I like you people. You're funny. Let's get started."

MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5418545/4/

[drakensis]

"You must fire a sustained beam at this vector at the precise


moment that I do."




"Ooh. I see what your plan is... hey, wait! Did you do the math for this?!"




"Nature will coexist with me peacefully, or it shall be destroyed with my hammers of


justice." Ayanami was just a smigen away from smiling openly. It was not good. She


had never really gotten the trick about pre-battle banter, only the vague idea that


certain words like 'justice', 'freedom', 'honor' and 'revenge' were human emotional


triggers.

Shinji and 40K
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Bluemage]

"I had no idea you were this good," Tazuna said, shaking his head in amazement.

Kakashi shrugged. "I was in ANBU for awhile. Of course, I really wasn't quite suited for it, but…"

"Why not?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I came with my own mask, which was a plus, but since everyone already associated it with me, it didn't do much for concealing my
identity," Kakashi explained. "So…directions?"

From the newest "It's For A Good Cause, I Swear!" chapter.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5409165/6/

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[ECSNorway]

that whole CHAPTER belongs on this board. I haven't laughed that much in days.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[drakensis]

"Uncle?" I queried. The only people allowed to call him uncle were the person trying to protect him and the person trying to kill him. I had one
sister. I did not need two!

"Yeah. Just think of me as a member of the family, Sparky," I was told sweetly as those vacant eyes stared through me. Oh joy, just what I
always wanted.

"Now enough talk. I'm planning a program of grueling mental and physical labor guaranteed to make a warrior out of you. That or kill you.
Whatever comes first. Let's start with a practice match so I have a better view of your mistakes."

-/-

"All right, I think I have what I need to start you on my program. I can see all your flaws. We have a long way to go before you are worthy of
fighting," the earth girl said, methodically stroking her chin.

"How dare you?" I demanded, furious at the girl. I debated throwing something at her. I knew she would block it but it would make me feel
better.

"Quiet. I want to hear sound of pain, not whining. Now, the first step on my program is working on the problems in your current form. You are going
to learn much stronger stances."

Just the Girl

Avatar fic.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Bluemage]

"Shut up or I'm throwing you off the train." They both fell silent.

"Wow, I'll have to remember that," Sakura commented. "Where are we?"

"We can't stop here, this is Bat Country!" Yasu called.

"This is not Bat Country!" Naruto snapped. "We passed through that an hour ago. Do you really think I'd let us stop there?"

"I've never heard of Bat Country," not-a-twin commented.

"Right over their heads," Yasu commented sadly. "And, we're in the Land of Earth."

http://www.fanfiction.net...46/7/Nothing_but_Trouble

Naruto fic, recently in updates.

EDIT

From Chapter 9 of the same fic:

"Nah, but that's probably why I get along with her so well," Naruto pointed out. "So, what's up Stumpy?"

"I hate you so much," Nanbu growled. "I'd send every assassin I had after you if I thought it would do anything."

"You mean, you haven't been?" Naruto asked, sounding rather wounded.

"What?"

"I've had a bunch of assassins swing by lately," Naruto stated. "I kinda thought they were from you. It was kind of nice, sorta like
"Hey, thinking of you. Still wishing you were dead."

"Well, Jesus, if it means that much to you, I'll send an assassin tomorrow."

"You don't have to," Naruto replied forlornly.

"No, I want to, really." Nanbu stared at Sakura's teammate for a long time. "You have got to be the weirdest motherfucker I have ever
met, bar none."

"Thanks," Naruto replied, sounding genuinely touched. "I guess I can execute all those guys now."

"You imprisoned assassins because you thought they were mine?" Nanbu asked.

"I was going to give them to you for Christmas!" Naruto stated cheerfully.

"Excuse me," Sakura interrupted, "is there any particularly good reason why you're trying to kill me teammate?"

"Yes," Nanbu stated calmly, "he slaughtered over two hundred and fifty of my fellow villagers." Sakura turned and stared at Naruto in
shock.

"Oh, come on," the blond whined and Sakura let out a sign of relief. This was Naruto! Of course he wouldn't. . ."you're making it
sound like I killed innocent civilians. I killed your ninja." Naruto seemed to notice Sakura's stare. "What? We've gone over this before
and I have a distinct feeling that we're glossing over the whole invasion of a foreign country for loot and plunder thing. In that case I feel the need
to reiterate, I killed invading soldiers, so I'm still the good guy here."

"You killed two hundred and fifty. . ."

"More like two hundred and sixty something, but who's counting?" Naruto asked.

"I was," Nanbu stated dryly.

"Other than him," Naruto added without missing a beat.

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[zojojojo]

“Don’t those two ever shut up?” Naruto wondered.

“Says the man from the Village Hidden in the Never-Ending Bar Fight,” Sakura commented.

from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5001646/10/ Nothing_but_Trouble
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[Bluemage]

Yeah, I forgot to post that one.

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[Black Aeronaut]

"How the hell did you manage to fail the D-rank missions? They are the easiest things in the world!" Kiba pointed out.

Naruto grinned proudly. "It took a great deal of effort planning, but we managed. And now we're banned for life!"

"You say that like it's a good thing," Ino said, eyeing him strangely.

"Well it IS quite the accomplishment," Sasuke informed her with a smirk. "We're the first team to ever be banned from the
D-ranks."

"And we'll never, ever have to do any of them ever again," Sakura concluded, beaming.

"…I hate you guys," Kiba announced.

From It's For A Good Cause, I Swear! chapter 9... This has been explained several times
already, but so far, this one's the best. (^_^)

[Necratoid]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5487809/1/W ... s_Sometime

From the one that brought us "oh No, Not Again!' and 'Its for a good cause I swear!'... its a story of Sasuke actually attempting to think
things through and try and get a straight answers out of people. Itachi is not cooperating... one one part for now.

"But that's such a double standard!" Sasuke protested.

"Logic only applies to the weak," Itachi declared. "The insanely strong often do things such as contrive to steal people's eyes, seek
peace through mass murder, seal demons in either people or objects, or plan to use the moon to take over the world."

"What was that last one?" Sasuke asked.

"Trust me, you really don't want to know," Itachi answered.

[s3yang]

Looks to be a continuation of : http://www.fanfiction.net...Not_Hallucinating_Sasuke

[Black Aeronaut]

It's been too damn long since somebody posted something here. And so, here's a wonderful little tidbit from Gregg Landsman's Evangelion fic. The
class is starting a project experimenting on marriage and how Second Impact has effected it... and Rei's been paired off with Ken...

"Um…Rei, this isn't the way to the Commander's office."




She gives him a glance, raising an eyebrow.




"I sort of memorized the schematics of NERV-1," Kensuke says, walking with his assigned bride down the polished metal hallways, "This
isn't where the Commander's office is. Isn't that who I'm meeting?"




"No," Rei responds, stopping and turning, "Commander Sohryu is my adopted father. The person who is for intents and purposes my father is on
this floor."




She continues, stopping in front of a large, blank metal door, knocking on it. The red light next to it switches to green, and the door unlocks. Ken
approaches it, staring at it, and scratches his head.




"Go in," she says, and smiles, "And be yourself. You will do…fine."




The door swings open. Ken walks in, standing in the darkness of the unlit room.




"Uh…hello?"




A desk lamp turns on. Sitting at the desk is a man. Elbows on the desk, hands formed into a bridge under his nose, the light of the lamp reflected off of his
glasses.




"Mr. Aida," Gendo Ikari says, "Let us discuss your intentions towards Rei."




---




---






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




"Three…two…one…"




The door bursts open, and Ken runs out, clawing at the floor to gain speed as he runs screaming down the hallway and into the lift. Rei smiles, and skips
down the hall, book bag slung over her shoulder.




This will be a fun week.

Really, the author has made this fic so cracktastic that the whole damn fic belongs in here.

[ECSNorway]

Finally got around to reading the Suzuka/Arisa fic...

"Maybe now, but what about when you take over? I can just see some office manager saying to his staff, 'Our CEO is dead and she's still putting in a full day's work, and you're complaining about a couple of hours' overtime?'"

Hehehehehe.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Valles]

I'd advocate taking a look around Dezo's other fics while you're at it - the Holmes/Hime fusions are hilarious, and Stahlkonigen is epic - and the
'Heart' stories kind of hit my buttons. ^_^
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."