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[Story] Bolostomp
[Story] Bolostomp
#1
I am unit I-433-THY 'Ifreet' of the Line. That thought is one of the few clear ones as I come back online, I start a diagnostic that takes an embarrassingly long time to finish but a few seconds later I clear most of the corrupted sectors and thinking becomes easier. Error reports flood my consciousness as I try to assess my state, Hellrail #1 is inoperable and #2 is badly damaged, my cartridge system is jammed and it looks like the cartridges have corroded too much to be of any use at any rate. Backup reactors #2 and #3 are offline and my left rear side has been crushed. On and on the litany of woe goes, but I focus on what is important, I can still fight and there is an enemy inbound.

I spend a whole 482 microseconds to finish clearing out corrupted data and analyzing where I am. My navigation system indicates that I am underneath Outpost #723, more commonly known as Laide, home to about two million Imperial Citizens. My sensors can readily confirm that I am indeed buried in rock, presumably my hangar has collapsed, but I do not detect any of the signs that the industry to support two million people would normally generate.

Without my commander and cartridge system my options are limited, it does not help that I am buried underground but at least that will give me the element of surprise. From the power output of the enemy I calculate that I will be able to kill or at least seriously injure the enemy if I can strike by surprise with a 92.34% confidence interval, but if the enemy gets a shield up that chance drops below 5.63%. Even as I move Hellrail #3 into position I prepare backup plans.

The lance of superheated plasma melts a way out of my rocky prison at nearly the speed of light, at the same time I divert power to my drive-train and AMF, and surge forward heading to the surface ready to follow up if needed. It is good that I did because as the interference clears I can see that the enemy managed to get a shield up. It's staggeringly strong, I quickly rule out all plans that would require a long distance duel, without cartridges or my commander I have nothing that can penetrate this shield at range. However the shield is optimized against energy weapons and is relatively weak against a large mass hitting it at speed.

Making my decisions in nanoseconds, in sharp contrast to my earlier sluggishness I jump, my infinite repeaters chattering, the railguns forcing the enemy to keep their shield up. In the 1.34 seconds it takes me to cross the distance between us the enemy attempts to dodge but my AMF disrupts the enemy enough so that it doesn't quite succeed, while the enemy clears my main bulk I manage to hit her with Hellrail #1, the two meter wide barrel impacting at 432.74 km/h shatters the shield and punts the enemy towards the ground.

Since I have limited mobility in the air I take some of the next 0.974 second until I reach the ground again to run a detailed analysis on the enemy. Female, nearly twelve years old and a power output of roughly 1.325 million lu, her linker core is clearly under heavy strain but not enough for it to give out in this battle. It has been a long time since I have seen a mage that old with that much power on the front lines, most either provide critical support services or were killed early in the war. One oddity I note is that while her magic signature is clearly of the enemy, she is using a cartridge system, I had wondered how long it would take for them to adopt our superior system.

I spend the remaining 0.971 seconds contemplating the blasted landscape and ruins of what was once a thriving outpost. So many dead by their hand, so many dead for this senseless war. I am ashamed to note that I have failed them, and I have failed the Imperial Dinochrome Brigade. Now the only thing that I can do is take vengeance so as to deny assets to the enemy, it is my duty, but I can't take any joy in it.

I finally land with a suspension jarring thud and new damage report flood in from my rear left side, but I ignore them, with power cut to that section and most of the insides crushed it is a total loss already. Amazingly she is already getting up, most mages, even veterans, would at least be stunned for a few seconds. With more and more of my infinite repeaters going offline due to jams or problems with the ammunition feeds and my one remaining operable Hellrail still needing 4.32 seconds before it can be safely fired again I instead direct more power to my drive-train, as I spin around my bulk bearing down on her.

Her using a spell to detonate the ground between us, sending her tumbling away and diverting my course, is unexpected, and I downgrade my chances of wining accordingly. Overriding the locks on my Hellrail I fire again, striking the mage. Unfortunately her device acts in time to erect another shield, and I am forced to cut the beam short as the focusing system starts to melt. The Hellrail also wasn't meant for attacking targets that close and my front left armor has sustained damage, greatly exacerbated by the 7.14 nanoseconds where the relativistic plasma beam from the Hellrail lost focus.

She returns fire, lacing out with a pink beam that withers in my AMF but a clever system of multiple layers insulates the core of the beam sufficiently to let it strike my armor, leaving a sizable hole, but not damaging anything vital.

I surge forwards again ignoring the complaints of my drive-train at the strain, I must keep the mage within my AMF if I am to have any hope of victory. Yet even as I begin to surge forward I can detect several boulders that probably each mass as much as me lift into the air. Clever using their own linker shadow where my AMF effect is lessened. I franticly divert power from the AMF to increase power to my more intact right side drive-train, making me slew forwards and to the right, dodging the worst of it and taking the impacts of the supernaturally hardened boulders on my more intact right side. Each of the multi thousand ton rocks closing in at several hundred km/h hits with the impact of a nuclear weapon, but my armor was designed with that kind of abuse in mind. The impacts still disrupt my systems for a precious 3.54 milliseconds and when I come back online to a new litany of error reports including a hydrogen fire near my personality core. I override the automated eject sequence since I still have my vengeance and that of the millions of people that once called this home unfulfilled.

To keep the mage occupied I launch my four remaining drones, mainly to keep her within an AMF so she can't open the range. It takes me a precious 2.31 seconds to dig myself out of my rocky enclosure, during which time all my drones have been eliminated and the enemy is backing off. Luckily my long range sensors detect reinforcement inbound, I don't know what a Belkan Knight is still doing here, but if I can just keep the mage occupied for a bit longer I'll be able to ask myself.

Judging the complete loss of the weapon worthwhile I fire Hellrail #3 to keep the mage focused on me. True to form the mage hunkers behind her shield as I struggle to make progress against the recoil of my main armament. I keep firring for the entire 1.48 seconds before the barrel melts over my glacis plate due to the damaged focusing mechanism. In the meantime the fire has welded the emergency core dump shut, I'm well and truly trapped as more and more of my processing nodes go offline. My mind is steadily disappearing as my memories burn up one by one. I have already moved my most precious memories as far away from the fire as possible, tactics for fighting Midchildian mages and everything else of value in the current tactical situation, such as the drivers for my drive-train. The drivers for my inoperable infinite repeaters I have already consigned to the flames. And, selfishly, a holo of my commander, I do not want to forget her even in my last moments even as it marginally reduces the time until I will start losing tactically valuable data.

Barreling through the dust kicked up by my last shot I reacquire visual contact with the target, her eyes widen as she catches sight of my battered hull, still glowing cherry red from the melted Hellrail. I may be out of drones, railguns and other conventional weapons but I still have my AMF, most of my drive-train and I do mass 32'421 tons, minus some for the bits that fell off. Ramming is my only option, but without the ability to fly that is going to be hard. Luckily she's close to the ground, having attempted to duck under the Hellrail beam. I estimate I have a roughly 80% change of hitting, and with so many nodes down I struggle to get even that rough of an estimate. But then that is not my true intention, I am merely trying to keep her attention so that the Belkan Knight that should be in visible range in 0.271 seconds can end this quickly with a surprise attack, hitting her would just be a nice bonus, a final act of defiance against the enemy. It is a pitty that we must fight in this senseless war, she would probably have gotten along great with my commander.

I am distracted from my musing as I am suddenly blasted off course, and it takes me a second to realize that it was the Belkan Knight that hit me. Did she miss? I frantically try to reacquire the other two combatants and find the Belkan Knight helping the Midchildian Mage to her feet. I struggle to understand why one of the Knights would turn on me. The concept of treason is foreign to me, but traces of it still remain in my databanks. Focusing on the potential traitor I am nearly knocked offline with shock, I know that Knight, her likeness is stored in the safest place I have left, that is my commander. Obedience and honor routines struggle to determine what to do. With so many computational nodes down it actually takes me a moment to consider interrogating the Knights device for more information.

Laevantein turns out not to classify me as a friendly unit, no surprise considering my commanders actions, but it is willing enough to answer my queries. At first I don't understand the answers. While treason might be a hard to grasp concept for me peace is even more foreign to me. A union between our polities, or what remained of them after the war was honestly less surprising.

I am ashamed to note that I have attacked a legitimate Imperial officer, on an legitimate Imperial archaeological expedition, well such as it is in these times. It saddens me that I, probably the last of my kind am such a stain on the honor of the Imperial Dinochrome Brigade. However I can do at least one small thing to make up for my errors, I send Laevantein and Raising Heart the codes to shut down the guardian drones. Even with all that I am glad to have experienced peace, even if it was for just a short time. And so it is that I can surrender myself peacefully to the roaring flames, with my commander next to me and the world finally at peace.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Notes: I hate Yuku.

This has not yet been beta'd and I'm not entirely happy with the ending but I just wanted to get it out and finished.

Suggestions?

Edit: Incorporated the grammar fixes, other fixes will have to wait.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
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#2
Um, not so sure on the suggestions, but this kicks ass. It turns a Crossover that Should Not Be, into one that MUST Be! Save the giant arcanotech tank and befriend it, Signum, Nanoha! I believe in you!

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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#3
lol, thank you for the comment. I do intend for this to stay just a bittersweet oneshot, though I am partial to a happy ending myself I just don't think it would work.

Of course now I can't stop thinking of Raising Heart/Bolo OTP, Bardiche will be jealous.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Reply
 
#4
I did notice a couple of minor things on a second read - "distracted from my mussing" has an extra S, and your capitalization of "Imperial" is not always there. Otherwise, the things I wonder about are not things the Bolo would know, and hence out of the bounds of the story - where they are, what Nanoha and Signum are looking for, etc. It might be nice if the Bolo transmitted the picture of Signum beside it or in the cockpit or whatever - I seem to recall that die Wolkenritter had followed the same general program so many times, and been afflicted with data corrumption, to the point they didn't even remember how long it had been let alone anything that might have come before, so finding a literal relic of her own past would be nifty for Signum.

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Reply
 
#5
Thanks for the tips, I hopefully corrected all of them.

As for where they are, it's nowhere special, just a archaeological dig led by Yuuno that ran into some problems with the drones, and Hayate is the TSAB representative in case there is lost logia trouble. And since it's between semesters Nanoha decided to go and help out.

It would be nice for Signum to know a bit about her past, but in the current version at least she has no easy way of finding out. Laevantein could blab but it doesn't seem the type. I used to have some stuff from Signum's perspective but it didn't fit with the rest being in first person, so I dropped it.The end also used to have a bunch of exposition that I decided to cut.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Reply
 
#6
I like it.

Being odd, and a fan of both Nanoha and Bolos, I've never classified them as a cross over that should not be.

Most of my suggestions would be about increasing the 'feel of a Bolo story'.

Bolos tend to use all the significant digits they have, which is often many. They tend to not use words like few when they have numbers. Given that its sense of time is not so messed up that it cannot provide that later, it should be able to for the first paragraph.

I have some other issues with the Bolo's voice, but that may be due to how long its been since I binged on Bolo stories. The biggest is that the initiating event seems vague and uncertain.

The 'Hell-rail' main weapon seems odd combined with rail gun infinite repeaters. I've heard 'Hell-rail' in an extra canonical context used for a post Hellbore main weapon.

See legal link to publisher approved website:

http://baencd.thefifthimp.../Bolo/0743498720__32.htm

The notion of an ejectable personality core seems odd, given that I am more used to Bolos fighting to the bitter end from their sometimes damaged survival center buried in the center of the armor.

I also find the memory storage confusing, given what I remember about how a Bolo's Holographic memory is supposed to work. (I can see how it supports the thrust of the story.)

Just the grammar suggestions which jumped out at me:

provide critical support services or where killed early->provide critical support services or were killed early

and more of my infinite repeaters going offline due jams or problems with the ammunition-> and more of my infinite repeaters going offline due to jams or problems with the ammunition

Hellrail still taking 4.32 seconds before it can be safely fired again->Hellrail still needing 4.32 seconds before it can be safely fired again

interrogating the Knights device for more information->interrogating the Knight's device for more information

I'm not sure about 'linker shadow', what it is, or if it is supposed to be written that way.

Anyway, the viewpoint character dies like a bolo, but the voice sounds a bit funny, and the technical flavor tastes a bit off.

I'm also puzzled as to how both Signum and Ifrit survived intact to such a degree if Belkia-Mid was the same as Concordiat-Melcon. I mean, if their last assignment was together, how do they end up seperated so that they can't reunite?

I'm also wondering if it might not be better for Ifrit to instead key off of Raging Heart as a Enemy built device, and then to, at the end, react to Signum having some sort of semi-functioning Commender's implant embedded in her.

Probably any near canon TSAB would find it needful to destroy the Bolo, so it may be best for the Bolo to die. That said, I am sticking Bolo/Wolkenritter in the ol' idea box for use in less strictly canon cases.

Anyway, I enjoyed it, I still seem to be stuck in methodical hypercritical mode from working with technical writing, and I'd probably better get on to other things for now.
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#7
RomanFanboy Wrote:I like it.

Thank you and thanks for your supportive criticism, it's a big help.

RomanFanboy Wrote:Bolos tend to use all the significant digits they have, which is often many. They tend to not use words like few when they have numbers. Given that its sense of time is not so messed up that it cannot provide that later, it should be able to for the first paragraph.

Hmm for a few uses of few I can see that I should replace it with numbers.

RomanFanboy Wrote:The biggest is that the initiating event seems vague and uncertain.

The initiating even is meant to be a little vague and uncertain. The Bolo is not functioning properly and there is data corruption all over the place. Plus I wanted to keep the nature of the crossover secret for a few paragraphs.

RomanFanboy Wrote:The 'Hell-rail' main weapon seems odd combined with rail gun infinite repeaters. I've heard 'Hell-rail' in an extra canonical context used for a post Hellbore main weapon.

If I recall my Bolo lore right Hellrails are meant for shooting down starships, and by the time Hellrail equiped Bolo's show up their infinite repeaters are Hellbores. However I had a background reason for keeping railguns around, magical shield seem to be weak against physical impacts in Nanoha cannon. Railguns work by physical impact.

RomanFanboy Wrote:The notion of an ejectable personality core seems odd, given that I am more used to Bolos fighting to the bitter end from their sometimes damaged survival center buried in the center of the armor.

I vaguely recall one story where the Bolo ejected their survival center.

RomanFanboy Wrote:I also find the memory storage confusing, given what I remember about how a Bolo's Holographic memory is supposed to work. (I can see how it supports the thrust of the story.)
I have not found the computer architecture in the Bolo stories all that consistent, so I made something up that seemed reasonable.

RomanFanboy Wrote:I'm not sure about 'linker shadow', what it is, or if it is supposed to be written that way.

Not surprising since the physics behind an AMF field are not explored in great detail. We know that having a spell around a spell will let the inner spell penetrate deeper into the AMF, I reasoned that a mage with a barrier jacket while casting a spell would have a similar area behind them, like an antenna casting a shadow in the radio waves passing by it. I saw no way to integrate it without it being an infodump though.

RomanFanboy Wrote:Anyway, the viewpoint character dies like a bolo, but the voice sounds a bit funny, and the technical flavor tastes a bit off.

As noted I'm not entirely happy with the ending, it feels rushed but I am not sure how to avoid it without lots and lots of exposition.

RomanFanboy Wrote:I'm also puzzled as to how both Signum and Ifrit survived intact to such a degree if Belkia-Mid was the same as Concordiat-Melcon. I mean, if their last assignment was together, how do they end up seperated so that they can't reunite?

Well Signum was nomed by the book of darkness and her memories of that time are a little garbled.Keep in mind that Signum didn't so much survive as respawn, or even restored from backup. Who knows how or why Outpost #723 fell, maybe Midchilda nuked it, maybe the Book of Darkness killed the planet as it supposedly went around doing for centuries.

RomanFanboy Wrote:I'm also wondering if it might not be better for Ifrit to instead key off of Raging Heart as a Enemy built device, and then to, at the end, react to Signum having some sort of semi-functioning Commender's implant embedded in her.

Maybe, I will take a second stab at the ending and see if I can salvage anything.

RomanFanboy Wrote:Probably any near canon TSAB would find it needful to destroy the Bolo, so it may be best for the Bolo to die. That said, I am sticking Bolo/Wolkenritter in the ol' idea box for use in less strictly canon cases.

They accepted Rein, who granted is a bit smaller and lighter and doesn't have the whole mass weapon thing... but still, you could justify it. It's probably easier to do post Strikers though since Mid moves back a bit on mass weaponry then.

RomanFanboy Wrote:Anyway, I enjoyed it, I still seem to be stuck in methodical hypercritical mode from working with technical writing.

Thanks, I appreciate it. This was very helpful.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
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#8
Deleted so as to not be redundant with the version with better formatting and slightly expanded content.
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#9
ARGH! Formatting... lethal! Can't read... Talking like Shatner... Mercykill.... please!

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Reply
 
#10
I haven't read any bolo source material, but seeing MGLN from an outside perspective is interesting. And I certainly would be interested in seeing more.

Getting the MGLN world to mesh with bolo-verse may be a non-trivial task, given what bits I remember about it from my other readings. But the preponderance of 'lost' civilizations in MGLN are helpful in that regard.

In regards to the formatting issues: I think most of them are introduced by the preview function, which will add
to the end of every line, but still keep the line returns as well. So the end result is double spacing any text previewed (and doing so again, for every preview/edit round made).
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy
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#11
So, don't preview, don't edit. I'll try to remember that so that my future walls of text are less obnoxious. Any ideas on how to fix this one, beyond deleting it and reposting? I still have the text I modified to get this, but some of the final modifications are a bit extensive, and I didn't save that.

Sweno, the Belkia-Mid war meshes fairly well with the final genocidal Concordiat-Melcon conflict. The page I linked to is not just a technical summery. Click it, click the contents link, then click 'A Time to Kill' and see for yourself. (Reading the whole free, legal, publisher approved, book may be a better idea than jumping into the middle that way. The earlier stories in the collection give a better idea of how a Bolo should act.) The mentions of 'mass weapons' in Nanoha canon strike me as being unspecific horror with enough uncertainty fit in a Bolo.
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#12
Nanoha vs Bolo, with Bolos as legacy Belkan weapons -- love it. And bringing down the Bolo to Nanoha's weight class using both damage *and* a dependence on cartridges and a commander (basically, this Bolo comes across as a semi-autonomous Device) works well.

However, the grammar needs a lot of work. Particularly, there are lots of run-on sentences and masses of comma spllices.
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#13
Quote:If I recall my Bolo lore right Hellrails are meant for shooting down starships, and by the time Hellrail equiped Bolo's show up their infinite repeaters are Hellbores. However I had a background reason for keeping railguns around, magical shield seem to be weak against physical impacts in Nanoha cannon. Railguns work by physical impact.

I was not sure what you knew about Bolo generations, which was why I linked the material
I'd checked in my confusion. Basically, the weapons mix seems odd, and is as you mention a bit anachronistic. I'm wondering if there might be a better mix for the purposes of the story. IIRC, Hellbores essentially fire fusion explosions, and would have a significant physical impact component. I don't have a cite for this, but I'd also thought Hellrails were more projectile based, launching a penetrator, which does not seem to match the description in the story. Given that there are AP batteries, I'm
thinking that if magical strengths justify keeping a less generally efficient weapons
system on hand, then they might also justify a mixed battery of infinite repeaters, some
combination of rail, ion and/or Hellbore in various sizes. This serves as insurance
against different enemies (like pure tech users), and might serve the narrative just as
well.

Quote:I vaguely recall one story where the Bolo ejected their survival center.

If the survival center is as badly damaged as mental function (and its effect on voice)
indicates, it is not clear that there is enough integrity to it to survive ejection.

Quote:I have not found the computer architecture in the Bolo stories all that consistent, so I made something up that seemed reasonable.

If nothing else, the given description somewhat implies that the machine can mess around
freely with files controlling its safeguards. Having at least some of it in WORM (which
is more or less what a Bolo's Holographic is), ROM, or something of that nature would be
a better design choice.

Quote:Not surprising since the physics behind an AMF field are not explored in great
detail. We know that having a spell around a spell will let the inner spell penetrate
deeper into the AMF, I reasoned that a mage with a barrier jacket while casting a spell
would have a similar area behind them, like an antenna casting a shadow in the radio
waves passing by it. I saw no way to integrate it without it being an infodump
though.

I reasoned that out more or less, but I felt that the description in text was confusing
enough that I ought to raise the issue.

Quote:Well Signum was nomed by the book of darkness and her memories of that time are a
little garbled.Keep in mind that Signum didn't so much survive as respawn, or even
restored from backup. Who knows how or why Outpost #723 fell, maybe Midchilda nuked it,
maybe the Book of Darkness killed the planet as it supposedly went around doing for
centuries.

Okay, I admit to a blind spot here. I've always assumed that if the Wolkenritter
entities predated their integration with the Book, that they had become part of it
consensually, when it was in a more functional, less destructive state. It not having
to have been that way is interesting, and raises some other possibilities. Like, if it
was gathering people, there may have once been more Wolkenritter than survived to the
current day, and that the Wolkenritter may have changed over time.

Ideas from this thought that could be jammed into the story include a) Signum has
significantly increased in power since being eaten b) Laevateinn was originally the
previously ejected core of Ifrit and c) Signum took Laevateinn from the body of Surt.

Quote:They accepted Rein, who granted is a bit smaller and lighter and doesn't have the
whole mass weapon thing... but still, you could justify it. It's probably easier to do
post Strikers though since Mid moves back a bit on mass weaponry then.

The general reason is the tightly integrated dubious technology. The specific reason is
that this Bolo is 1) very badly damaged 2) Clearly insane and also 3) seems corrupted the way SHV was. I have trouble thinking that the TSAB would choose to spare something dangerous that they can't repair if it is insane enough that the Concordiat would likely have also killed it. Not to mention that the remains should be pretty hot. If it were saner, more intact, able to form a command link with Signum, and file VSR (sp?) with her, much more likely. I think saving the Bolo is a better choice if one has plans for later on with it, and a worse choice if not.

Quote:before the barrel melts over my glacis plate

I remember wondering back when I first read this if the level of damage which could do
this wasn't also enough to blow out the turret.

Quote:hydrogen fire

I'm also wondering if this should be all that quickly dangerous to the insides of a
Bolo. After all, combustion versus fusion, and that the inside of a flaming Bolo might
be a low oxygen environment. Various bits of information make my emotional evaluation
'it isn't exploding, so a hydrogen fire seems less dangerous than what I expect a Bolo
to be built to handle, or to other options I can think of for internal hazards'.

I woke up in the middle of the night (after my post of the tenth) thinking I had
a handle on what was bugging me. There are several things which make a Bolo a Bolo.
These include a) Nomenclature (Bolo, Dinochrome, etc...), b) voice, c)
attitude/personality, d) role in battle, e) safeties relating to danger to user, f)
durability, and g) cost. One doesn't have to get them all correct, but if some are
weak, others need to be strengthened.

The issue is that Nanoha is in a similar 'weight class' to Signum, a fighter considered
by Belkia suitable to command a Bolo, and is not greatly overpowered by a Bolo made by
Belkia which still has one of its main weapons functioning. (IIRC, a Bolo's main weapon
is capable of defeating its own armor. Or is it the other way around?) Presuming that Signum has not greatly increased her power, what was her level of combat ability and survival compared to the Bolo? Why bother making a Bolo the size of a Mark XXXIII if its power does not greatly surpass that of a humanoid fighter, unless the humanoid fighter is so expensive that deploying it as a Bolo commander does not make sense. (Given that a Bolo uses AMF, pairing it with a Knight may also have some issues.) The use of commander without 'latest' implies also that the thing was of recent manufacture at the time of conflict. So, it bothers me a little that the Bolo has so little success with so much left to it, although a 'weak Signum gets nommed by the BoD and grows to her current level' might be a good story in of itself. So the cost/safety issues make me want to look more critically at the voice and other issues. (Having all the main weapons inoperable, and doing the fight with a mix of secondary rail and hellbore might improve things.)

There also seems to be an issue with the pacing, in that the story moves a little faster
then some of the emotions can develop. I think the story has the potential to hit
harder emotionally than it does. Bolos can think really quickly at times, so a rant
expressing its despair at how long it must have been since the slaguhter, and its rage
at having been unable to prevent it, might be appropriate at some point. I don't know.

I do know that I had a flight of fancy where I imagined this ending with Signum shedding
a single tear, unaware of it or of why, followed by the start of a heavy rainfall, the
body of her lost friend glimmering with cherenkov radiation as the water flows over it.
I felt weepy, the feeling I get from some Bolo stories and some of the harder bits of
history. (Of course now that I try to describe it I realize that there would have been
lots of steam at first. Still, the image of the Knight Signum standing vigil over the
corpse of a lost brother-in-arms is powerful for me, and it also makes a bit of sense.
One would want to keep an eye on it after Nanoha is evacuated, and it might start up
again for someone else.) Of course, maybe the problem is that I read the story the
first time in too analytical a frame of mind, and I needed to remember it without that
for the impact to hit.

I think I'm also having some issues with the timing and causality of the death. I have
a few notions that combined would either fix them, or at least hopefully explain them
well enough for someone else to see, because I am just a little short on sense right on.
We know that Nanoha learned many things from Raging Heart, and that Raging Heart is a
Mid type device that might well have been active and gathering data after the Bolo's
time. It may be plausible that Raging Heart knows a counter for some of the Bolo's
tech, and that Nanoha learned it as part of her basic technique. (I imagine that this
could have fried a lot of the vulnerable mechanisms, meaning that the surviving stuff is
immune.) Anyway, Nanoha includes this without thinking, and when it hits, it starts to
poison/'burn'/corrode the Bolo's nervous system. However, it destroys the Bolo's
nervous system /slowy/, because while it is enough of an improvement to be lethal, the
Bolo can hold it off for a time, as long as it supplies enough power to the appropriate
settings.

Next, suppose the Bolo ID'd Nanoha as an enemy purely because of her using an Enemy
device and style. Suppose that instead of entertaining the notion that Signum is a
traitor, the Bolo's loyalty to Signum is so strong that the notion of Signum being
disloyal is unthinkable. Signum is loyal, Signum is protecting the youngster like a
subordinate, and so it must be so. So, it reasons, essentially correct but wrongfully
on the surface, that Signum as a loyal Imperial officer continued on after the Bolo's
death, recruited and trained more fighters, equipping some with captured enemy
equipment. It concludes that Signum had buried it, as Ifrit had only enough function
left to come out of the Barrow and shoot down an innocent Imperial soldier in a fit of
insanity. Knowing its dishonor, and that its madness is incurable and might cause a
change of mind at any moment, the Bolo shuts down the systems preventing the effect from
Nanoha's shot being lethal, along with everything else.

With the AMF off, Nanoha is evaced quickly, and the Bolo, paralyzed, dies quickly. On
watch against further action, Signum sheds a tear, noticing it on her hand, she looks up
and the rain kicked up by the dust and disturbance starts hitting the ground.

Thus the last Belkan Bolo passes from the world, loyal to the end, to its commander and friend. Rain falls on the inert mass.

Anyway, I'll see if I can line the rest of things up analytically later.
Later:

Damage and overuse of weapons doesn't quite work for me for causing the death right just then. I also feel that the Bolo should have a more active choice in its own death once it realizes the truth, or an approximation of the truth. Also, if it can communicate with Laevateinn at the end, and the drones earlier, why not Laevateinn earlier? I may be reading your design intent wrong, but I have the impression that the story is ultimately about the relationship between Bolo and Commander, across the long years of separation. Ifreet's initial reaction seemed underwhelming in terms of devotion considering that it is a Nanoha cross. I also felt that we don't see Signum's reaction, and that it would be appropriate for the genre for her to have one, even without intact memories. (It is also common enough for the Bolo stories to end with the people they've saved reflecting on the valorous death of the Bolo.)

Two other perhaps silly ideas. 1) I wonder if a magitech Bolo can become a familiar 2) Could Ifreet be renamed Surt?
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#14
Wow. Ideas, ideas... Smile
As some of the people here already know, I've been running a Mekton Zeta based RPG on a friend's private forum for a few years now, which is an amalgam multiverse, allowing people to play literally any character from any genre or storyline they want to import them from. Although we lost a few people earlier this year to disagreements (which actually in the end made me take a hard look at the flaws in the game system and radically revamp it,) the current main group includes a Lensman, an energy being, a Lodoss Elf, an altiverse Knight Saber, and a few others. One of them is native to the Nanohaverse, which is why they're currently in that reality, on an old Belkan world which has remained "lost", in that it suffered a lot more from the wars than Mid did. It's got more in common with Genesis Survivor Gaiarth in design and structure. And the PC's are currently dealing with the conspiracy involving that world which formed that PC's origin story, which plays out a lot like Indiana Jones crossed with Conan the Barbarian in a Gaiarth environment.
Seeing as how it's canon in the game that the PC's have Bolo-based AI's with them, it's tempting to put a Bolo-style vehicle on that planet. A relic left over from the Belkan war, not recognized for what it really is by the current generations of survivors, which might react badly to the PC's obviously superior, non-Belkan technomagical gear? It's got potential. I need to think about this. Smile
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.
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#15
Without, you know, trying to invite myself to someone else's private forum, I would like to see your revised rules if possible - I've noted being a Mekton fan, and have a considerable interest in what you might have done with them the work with such a wide range of character types.

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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#16
Hee. If you want to have a look, come on over. Anyone who's interested can have a look, we won't mind.
The site is "http://gamers.romanus.ca". You'll have to make an account, do the usual stuff, and send me a tell so I can add you to the member's list for the game so you can poke around.
I'm always looking for ways to streamline the game, which is why it underwent a major overhaul earlier this year, replacing a much clunkier system with one that runs much more smoothly now. I was originally using Mekton 1, and resisting change, because I've run something like half a dozen local RL games using that heavily customized game system. But it just doesn't work in a forum setting, where you want the game to run as fluidly as possible. The older system was too dependant on number tracking and had multiple tables for situation tracking. The newer Mekton Zeta based game rules are a lot simpler, and allow for much more streamlined play.
A known flaw that I've been fixing in this system has to do with the fact that in the d10-based game system it has always been a bit of a hurdle that two otherwise equal characters with a single point difference between them can create a vast gulf between them. The fact that the difference between 4 and 5 in a primary stat can cause characters to hit or miss regularly. I'm currently experimenting with altering the Luck stat, so that it becomes like Fate points in other systems. This allows the player to spend Luck points to adjust die rolls. And because many players will often use Luck as a dump stat, and only have 2 or 3 points in it, the pool automatically refills with the beginning of the next scene. This encourages the players to use the pool to adjust critical rolls without worrying about not having more when they need it later on. As forum games develop slowly, it's a work in progress. But it seems more solid right now.
At present, the PC's decided to ambush a bandit camp. It wasn't much of a fight, really. I'd already decided the bandits would take one look at the well-armed PC's and give them a wide berth, but the Lensman picked them up on a routine telepathic scan as they traveled, and after that, the players decided it was time to be Good Samaritans and take out the bandit camp. It took about a round and a half. Smile
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.
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#17
Ok, I saw you add yourself to the site, so I've added you to the Chrono forum. The rules you will want to have a look at are in the "Combat Information Center". The first sticky in that forum is "New Game Rules", and it goes over the modified MZ rules I'm using. Tell me what you think, and if anything could be modified. Smile
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.
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#18
What's your name on the forum there? I didn't see Drag0nflight in the list of members, and i guess you didn't see my PM to you here, but no need to continue hijacking this thread unneccesarily.

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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