[RFC] Being You is Deculture

[classicdrogn]

Roight, 'ere we go then!

Ho hum. I'm gonna look through it. It probably doesn't help I was tired when I posted this. But all the same, I had to get it out.

No worries, the only ones who haven't been there haven't posted any stories online.

I shook my head. “I am special among all Micronians, Commander. I am an interdimensional traveler from an alternate version of this universe. I would be shocked if there were anyone here that could do this.”

I dunno, spiritia users are pretty bullshit... Probably still not quite the same thing, though.

How would Azonia know about flirty teasing and think it's fun when sexual relationships are unknown to the Zentran and Meltran?

“Interesting. And I assume that since you returned Breetai’s men so readily that anyone I send to your ship will come to no harm?”

I suggest "May I assume" here

Let us get this over with so I can go back to my former size.”

Might Milia say "proper size" here? As an ace power armor pilot, she probably sees being micloned as a useless state only fit for reducing supply requirements between deployments.

“Of course,” she said, and then set about to move things along. “Captain, I believe we are to look at your engine spaces?”

“Indeed,” said the Captain. “Doctor Lang will guide us along as we tour the engine spaces,

suggest "room" for one of these

“Civilians... You mean those people from before?”

"What's a 'civilian?' Is it some kind of specialist technician?" I guess they might have met a one or two running th euniform shop, or on the way to it? You didn't mention it, though. If that's what you intended to have happen, maybe insert a line about Milia or one of her bookends asking about the meaning of all those uniform variations while they're passing through the public spaces? I vote for the latter, while Milia just shoots arch looks back at people gawking at their (presumably skimpy?) robes

Milia gave me a shocked look, then seemed to school herself back into her dispassionate imperialism.

suggest "hautiness" or something along those lines - imperialism has a different meaning, generally

“They are indeed dangerous,” stated Milia with absolute certainty. “But as you said, not in the way Budolza thinks... request permission to speak freely, Commander?”

suggest "May I speak freely"



For the rest, I'll just pick out the errors

Spoiler

Bridge Bunnies as I walked through the door, “what you see and here today

Azonia gave me a mildly surprised look.  “What do you hope to gain out of this, Micronian.” question mark


In two hours, a Quel-Quallie scout ship accompanied by a pair of Quedlun-Rau
Queadluun is the official romanization IIRC

container opened like a clamshell and then out stepped three miclonized Meltrandi
micloned/macloned, micronized is a Robotechism

How would you go about facing me in a battle.”
?

“Particularly your support garments.  I have never experienced a fit this accurate while maintaining such strong support.
missing "


I couldn’t help but feel like My Ladies were all going to topple entire empires with nothing but beautific smiles on their faces,
beatific

“There is something about this that is incredible wrong, ma’am. 
incredibly

---

Same again for Pt2

“It largely depends on how High Command is going to react,” replied Captain Gloval. “Garrick says that in the original timeline we had no real proof. But this time? We have two sets of video, and even recorded dialogue. And it is blatantly clear that

"Timeline" feels kind of meta despite being valid here. Swapping in "course of events" would remove that, and the partial repetition with "this time"

“I have indeed. My father, the British Ambassador to Japan, is quite keen on seeing this footage. Mr. Grimm? Tomorrow you’re to take Miss Lynn in her personal aircraft to Yokohama. To the populace here, we will explain that she has special permission to see her family due to her celebrity status.

Why even tell anyone? Just have her go somewhere out of the way, put on a pilot's suit and helmet, and walk to the hangars.

“You got a lot of nerve saying such bold things to my face, boy.”

“I’m an American. We’ve been pissing on tradition ever since we told the King of England where to shove it and how far.”

For someone trying to make a good impression on prospective inlaws, Garrick is being pretty damn rude. Even by American standards.

“Don’t get me wrong, father,” said Minmei, her voice downcast suddenly. “There are things of a private matter that I must work out with Garrick.”

suggest "private nature"

“And this is our Liaison to the CIA in America, Jack Ryan.” I couldn’t completely hide my surprise.

Shouldn't he be President by then?

Ryan nodded. “It is doubtful. The system was as of yet untested. We had a lot of data that proved it would function,

I'd say "data that showed it should" here - it's not proven until you do in fact try it, unless you're a theoretical mathematician. Engineers? When you can do it several times in a row without more than expected maintenance, that's "tested" but you don't get to "proven" until it's been in service for at least a year, and preferably ten

“So... you won’t fight for me?”

“Fight for you?” I said. “Against who? Your family? I’m pretty sure you were just about to tell your father where to shove it just earlier.”

"You're a person, not a prize to be won" trope averted, but tropes are not always bad. It plays into the dramatic tension here though, and Minmei clearly thinks that she does deserve to be treated like a prize worth fighting over so it probably wouldn't have the intended effect even if it was used.

Spoiler

they’re going to bring to bear on us? I highly doubt that even the Grand Canon
Cannon (every time)

“Well, what if you gave them a coupe de grace right off the bat?” asked Mr.
coup

“Sound enough reasoning,” said Colonel Maistroff. “But to be safe, I recommend that we take every effort to destroy that thing. There is bound to be a second in
make every effort

“Father! Don’t be like that! This is Garrick Grimm, and he’s my boyfriend.
missing "

Is that what you want for your daughter? Or do you want her to be happy?
missing "

“Who are you to say such things to me?” Snarled Minmei’s father as a vein pulsed on his forehead.
me?" snarled

Try and spend a little more quality time with me and we’ll call it even! she replied impishly.
italics should end with Katherine's dialogue

In reply, I played a carefully edited version of mine and Breetai’s last conversation.
my

I nodded. “Loathe as I am to accept the task - I can pretty much guess what’s in
Loth or loath, no e in this context

The flight back
all Katherine's lines need their italics

We touched down with no incident on the Prometheus’s flight deck. Once we were cleard,
cleared

I shook my head. “She’s got a cousin of whom she’s incredibly defensive over. One
"of whom" or "over," not both

BUt you must somehow find a way to make ammends.
But
amends

and then suddenly I’d be locked up in the brig awaiting a courts martial.
court-martial


“Here, let me show you something.” I quickly went to the internet and found a video of a Cesna,
Cessna

Keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, when I get to the next world, it’s going to be home. That I’m going to see the smiles of my beloved ladies.”
Minmei was quiet for a moment while she pondered that.
missing a second carriage return