Sorry you've been having a tough time of it, Raj. 
But this looks good so far. I would imagine that Ayanami might have said a smidgen more about the matter to provide a stronger implication that the matter wasn't really dropped as far as she was concerned. I mean, I know she's taciturn and all, but she's also the type that if there's something on her mind that pertains to you, then she's gonna let you know.
A good example of this is when she slapped Shinji for not having faith in his father's work. And I'm pretty sure that the wellbeing of everyone else is going to be just as much of a hot-button for her.
Kinda surprised that Asuka is kinda put off by the Fredrick's of Hollywood store given the bikini she flaunted for Shinji. I was expecting something a little more like....
"Oh, that would be Fredrick's of Hollywood," said Asuka with a slightly sharkish grin. "It's not a place for good little girls like you, Class Prez. Unless you're not as much of a good little girl as you pretend to be~. Although I must admit - I never figured Maya to be the type."
Just a suggestion, though. You're probably a lot more familiar with Asuka than I am at this time.
But this looks good so far. I would imagine that Ayanami might have said a smidgen more about the matter to provide a stronger implication that the matter wasn't really dropped as far as she was concerned. I mean, I know she's taciturn and all, but she's also the type that if there's something on her mind that pertains to you, then she's gonna let you know.
A good example of this is when she slapped Shinji for not having faith in his father's work. And I'm pretty sure that the wellbeing of everyone else is going to be just as much of a hot-button for her.
Kinda surprised that Asuka is kinda put off by the Fredrick's of Hollywood store given the bikini she flaunted for Shinji. I was expecting something a little more like....
"Oh, that would be Fredrick's of Hollywood," said Asuka with a slightly sharkish grin. "It's not a place for good little girls like you, Class Prez. Unless you're not as much of a good little girl as you pretend to be~. Although I must admit - I never figured Maya to be the type."
Just a suggestion, though. You're probably a lot more familiar with Asuka than I am at this time.