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The Cyber Troll
The Cyber Troll
#1
I found this among comments about the webcomic Pibgorn. The poet identifies himself/herself as "ccdesan."

THE CYBER TROLL by ccdesan

(with sincerest apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien)



Troll sat alone in his filthy home,

He had no reason outside to roam;

His pimply face was a sore disgrace

And friends were hard to come by.

Done by! Gum by!

In a filthy home he dwelt alone,

And friends were hard to come by.



He'd surf the net, always on the watch

For nasty pictures that would tickle his crotch

But the thing he loved best was to curse and swear

And act like a total retard.

Bombard! Blackguard!

He'd yank people's chains for laughs and lulz

And act like a total retard!



'Ha ha!', said Troll, 'I pwn your soul.

So why don't you shut your old cake hole?

Your posts are lame and I take control

Of your blog, you stupid loser!

Boozer! Schmoozer!

I can drool and spit and you can't do squat

'Cuz I'm safe from poor old loser!



But the folks whose paths he tends to cross

Have naught but contempt for this pile of dross

So they simply pretend that he isn't there

And Troll gets all the madder.

Sadder! Adder!

When poor old Troll doesn't get results

He just gets all the madder.



'For a couple o' pins', says Troll, and grins,

'I'll swear so much you'll think I'm twins.

I'll make you see you've got nothing on me

And your base belong to me now!

Hee now! See now!

I'm king of the world, bow down to me,

All your base belong to me now!



But just as he thought his victim was caught,

He found his hands had hold of naught.

The blogs were locked, and Troll was shocked

That everyone ignored him!

Bored him! Floored him!

He'd been dismissed, and was mighty pissed

That everyone ignored him!



But blacker than coal is the heart of Troll

Whose life is as barren as the Kansas dust bowl.

He'll just move on to greener fields

Where folks will rise to his baiting.

Hating! Grating!

Old Troll laughs, when he hears folks groan,

And he thinks he's won with his baiting.



But the folks who win, to Troll's chagrin

Are the ones who learn the rule herein;

Ignore the Troll with the heart of coal

And he'll quickly travel elsewhere!

Nose hair! Hot air!

His world's so sad, but we don't care

As long as he's flaming elsewhere!
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
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