_very_ neat. Blaxploitation imagery combined with samurai swords and postmodern technology.
The DVD is out and it's a kick in the pants. VERY enjoyable.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

this is my attempt to kickstart plot development again.
Not 100% happy with it but I can't seem to make it better.
Feedback, improvements and insters are as awlays welcome. FOR SCIENCE!!!
*-*-*
Ryoko glanced over the crowd, hoping that Yuki wouldn't spot her. A rematch would end in a much more decisive manner, and Ryoko would like to stay with her master for a while longer. Not that Yuki would recognize her, her checksum was different, her blue tresses where dyed an unnatural shade of black, her face was encrusted in a layer of makeup which included such touches as fake bloody tears, and she had a rubber ducky on her shoulder. In short she blended in quite well among the other fen, even if her clothes a little tame compared to the people around her.
Oh the person to her right would not stand out anywhere really, a geeky boy in jeans and T-shirt, but on her left there was a goth catgirl, and someone who could pass as Lilith, if he wasn't male. Wave Convoy near the back actually blended in quite well, especially considering his size, Buba Moon was by far the most noticeable, which took some doing especially with fliers like the Knight Saber and a Hawkman lookalike flying overhead looking for good seats.
Ryoko would rather have stayed on the ship but Miyu demanded that she help with security in case someone tried to attack their Master. That she just couldn't allow, she loved her master and would do anything to keep him safe. Besides if anyone was going to kill him it should be her because she loved him. So she watched from the crowd, while Catty watched from the catwalks above the auditorium and Miyu watched from backstage.
The auditorium was filled with people speculating on what the announcement today would be and the reason for calling this convention in the first place. {Insert some points of flavor, here, maybe what some other major characters are doing.}
Finally at precisely ten o'clock the Professor walked on stage towards the podium set up. predictably cries of "It's the Professor!" and "Run for your lives!" where scattered among the crowd, though much less common than the reaction a few months ago when the Professor last held a surprise lecture. He looked particularly dashing today thought Ryoko, then again she always thought her master looked dashing. Though the gently glowing labcoat and the tie covered with nuclear hazard symbols did add a certain something. It definitely seemed to add to the panic, though Ryoko couldn't quite understand why.
The Professor stood at the podium and cleared his throat, which somehow didn't get the people to quiet down. Sighing, the Professor reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a huge cobbled-together beam cannon that was obviously way too big to fit in his pocket, complete with an under-barrel launcher of some kind.
For some reason this made the panic even louder, rather than make the audience quiet and attentive. Go figure.
The device hummed ominously as the Professor flicked the safety off with an audible click. Lights started blinking, alert noises went off, and various warning labels were illuminated in the baleful glow of its power. The professor's glasses frosted over as targeting reticles started to play over the forcefields that made up the lenses.
The auditorium steadily worked itself into a panicked frenzy. Buba Moon in particular was being obnoxious, shrilly shouting something about punishing the great evil in the name of the moon. Not that he was the only one doing so, just the loudest. Curiously enough the Senshi faction was quieting down, with the occasional whisper to calm down the few Senshi who where clearly agitated.
"If I could have your attention please!" asked the Professor politely while bizarre energies crackled around him.
When the tumult of the class refused to abate, the Professor brought up his massive gun and aimed it with one hand at Buba Moon and pulled the trigger.
A light-blue beam of energy shot out and intersected Buba for a brief moment, illuminating him and rendering all two hundred kilos of him bare for a brief instant of featureless glowing doll nudity as he was spun around in a full circle. In a moment, his sailor fuku was mercifully replaced by a pair of black slacks, a black and white striped shirt, and a pair of red suspenders, and his face was a pale shade of white. He was frantically gesturing and opening and closing his mouth but no sound came out.
The Professor slowly lowered his smoking gun while glaring at the people who where _still_ making noise.
"People these days," lamented the Professor to himself, "simply do not have manners." He grabbed and bellowed into the microphone, "QUIET!!!"
Once more, the lack of response infuriated the teaching professional, and he opened fire upon a few more of the obnoxious con goers with his Gigaplex 9000 Mime-Ray.
At last, when a few dozen people had become silent mimes, the noise level went down sufficiently for him to begin his speech, though it required the liberal use of his under barrel chalk launcher to get the mimes to actually sit still.
"First a bit of official rules, since some people here don't seem to be aware of them. When a speaker is at the podium you will be quite and attentive. Smoking is prohibited in the auditorium, and please don't use camera's with flash." Taking a deep breath the Professor continued on, "now that that is out of the way let us begin."
"Ladies, gentlemen, and other assorted beings. It is my pleasure and honor to introduce to you the one who called us all together today. But first I would like to say a few words, so please bear with me. The problem that this convention has been called to address is something that concerns us all, and that the power of Science alone cannot address." At this point the Professor paused briefly, looking over the audience.
At this point the people who actually knew the Professor where panicking. He mentioned science without going of into a rant, and he just barely raised his voice. It was even worse he said that science couldn't do something! They where all going to die!
"But together we an overcome this adversity, and I hereby pledge my aid and The Power Of SCIENCE to the cause. I hope you all will join me on this quest." Again the Professor paused to look over the audience.
By now those who knew the Professor where gibbering in fear, only the still smoking mime cannon that the Professor was still wielding kept them quiet.
"So I hereby present to you Haruhi Suzumiya-sama! The leader of the S.O.S. dan!"
{Haruhi does her thing.}
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

February 26, 2013
11:01 GMT
Stellvia

"Commander, a representative of the new tenant wants to speak with you directly... Commander?" Noah wasn't listening. He'd been lost in thought for a few hours.

After a moment, the visitor got tired of waiting. "Damn it, Noah, pay attention to your own crew!"

"Wha... Katz? When did you get here?"

"Two minutes ago. I thought I'd be able to say hello when I picked up the keys, but you're in no shape to be sociable. What's wrong?"

After a moment, Noah replied, "Nothing, really."

"All right, I won't pry. But I want a favor in return."

"If it doesn't interfere with Operation Great Justice, sure. Hell, even if it does - Yayoi and I still owe you for your help at the SOS-con last year."

"I'll let the specialist tell you what she needs, then. She's waiting just outside."

"All right..." Noah walked over and opened the door to main control, and discovered someone familiar waiting to see him.

"Hello, Mr. Scott."

"Leda! Er... Ms. Swansen, please, come in... no, it would be better if we spoke in the conference room. We haven't shielded all of the computers in here yet."

Katz cleared his throat. "Are you two going to need a chaperone?"

Noah and Leda both blushed. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?" asked the Senshi.

11:17 GMT

"... so, you're part of the Kobayashi Maru project."

Leda shook her head. "Not really; I'm just along because N is part of the crew. As her geneticist, I need to work with her if what the slavers did to her isn't to get passed along to her children. If she has any children."

"That was really low, even for a boskonian. I'm glad you're trying to give her a normal life, though."

"Normal? There's no way anyone trapped in that slave pen will ever be normal again, Noah."

"Yeah... bad choice of words on my part."

Leda looked up from her notes. "You usually watch what you say better that that. What's wrong?"

Noah sighed. "Oh, I don't know... Yes, I do know. I'm having second thoughts."

"About the Kobayashi Maru project, or leasing space to Above and Beyond or the SEBureau?"

"No, that's only part of it. I'm having second thoughts about all of Operation Great Justice."

"From what I hear, Ms. Suzumiya wouldn't like it if she heard you say that."

"So what? Everybody treats Haruhi as if she's some kind of incarnate god or something. I've worked with her, and I know she puts her spacesuit on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us mere mortals. And this is my station, not hers. What I say goes, here." Noah sighed deeply. "Why doesn't anyone remember that any more?"

Leda reached for Noah's hand, but stopped before she took it in her own; she wasn't wearing her insulated gloves. "Is she meddling in how you run the station?" When Noah nodded, Leda went on. "Then let her know that you don't appreciate that. I'm sure she'll be reasonable."

"You don't know here very well."

"Oh. But we both know that Operation Great Justice is doing a lot of good, Noah. Just last month, you all helped evacuate Crystal Osaka before it crashed. You saved my life, and the lives of a lot of other people."

Noah frowned. "Yes, but if we hadn't been hunting zwilnicks, that firefight in Crystal Osaka would never have happened. You'd still have a place to live."

"And hundreds of people, maybe thousands, would still be getting addicted to thionite. What's one small town compared to that?"

"Even though it was your home town that was destroyed."

"Even though it was my home town that was destroyed, yes."

"How can you be so... blasé about all the destruction?"

Leda's voice was steady. "Because we all know that it's serving a greater good."

17:01 GMT

"... and I've talked to the people from Above and Beyond about their request for laboratory space. It's going to be awkward, but I think we can squeeze them in somewhere in the secure section."

"Thank you, Yoriko. Is there anything else?"

"That's it for the daily operational report, Noah. But everybody I've talked to today said you were distracted. What's wrong?"

Noah sighed. "Lately, I've been wondering whether we've been doing the right thing with Operation Great Justice."

"What, in supporting it? We signed off on the SOS-Con articles, so we don't have very much choice. We have to support Operation Great Justice."

"No, I'm wondering whether we were right to start OGJ in the first place."

"Uh-huh. I was wondering when you were going to realize that."

Noah looked at Yoriko in amazement. "Are you saying you think Great Justice is a mistake?"

"Yep."

"How long have you felt that way?"

"Ever since I voted against it at SOS-Con." Yoriko sat down, and gestured to Noah to sit beside her. "When you programmed me, you gave me a police officer's instincts and a wide-ranging curiosity. That combination's lead me to study the history of police activity."

"All right, but what does that have to do with OGJ?"

"Bear with me, darling. Back in the 1980s, the US government started a 'War on Drugs' - they tried to get rid of the drug problem once and for all. But whenever they broke up a drug ring, another one popped up to take its place. They couldn't succeed, because they went about it the wrong way."

"That's old news to me, Yoriko. I lived through that time."

"Yes, I know. So you should realize what's happening now. When we started Operation Great Justice, we effectively declared a 'War on Crime.' Sure, it didn't start that way; there were a couple of threats that had to be addressed, and we've taken care of those threats. But we're using that as an excuse to go after every criminal we can find."

"We have to do something about the reavers, though."

"You taught me this one, Noah: 'we have to do something; this is something; therefore we have to do this' is not valid logic. Killing off reavers wherever and whenever they appear isn't going to eliminate piracy, any more than it did on the Spanish Main. As long as there's profit in it, there's always going to be another reaver. Or another slaver, or another zwilnick."

"And Great Justice will go chugging along as long as reavers keep showing up. But what can we do?"

Yoriko frowned. "As long as nobody's willing to tell Haruhi that she's wrong, there isn't a lot we can do. But what we should do is make piracy unprofitable as a matter of course."

The doorbell chimed, then the door opened and Yayoi poked her head in. "Dinner's ready!"

"We'll be right there," replied Noah as he and Yoriko stood up.

Yoriko grabbed his arm. "Promise me you'll at least mention the matter with Haruhi at the meeting Thursday morning."

"All right. It's worth a try, I suppose."

February 28, 2013
10:17 GMT
The Epsilon Blade

"Damn her... Try to raise an objection to her ideas, and she treats you as if you aren't there!"

Yayoi looked at Noah. "But she remembered you were in the room when she wanted someone to run a package to the Island. There's plenty to keep us busy back on Stellvia; why didn't you say no?"

"Because I had to get away from everyone before I started shouting at them. No, that's not right. I had to get way from Haruhi before I started yelling at her."

"And that would have been bad for morale."

"Morale has nothing to do with it - it would have frozen us out of any further decision-making. If we're going to have any chance to put Yoriko's idea into action, we have to be able to propose the plan, at the least. Yoriko did tell you about our discussion, didn't she?

"While you were busy with the TSAB yesterday, yes." Yayoi put the ship on autopilot and turned to Noah. "And I don't think Yoriko went far enough on Tuesday. I don't have very much experience with war; if it wasn't for Great Justice, I'd just have what's in the story you based me on, and that wasn't very much. But it was ultimately pointless. Why are we fighting a war to preserve peace, Noah?"

"That's a very Japanese question, Yayoi."

She just stared at him for a moment.

"Yes, you do have a very Japanese personality. Right. Of course. Sorry about that. As to why we're fighting for peace, sometimes we have to use overwhelming violence to get people to stop using violence."

"In other words, might makes right. Isn't that how the boskonians live? If we use their methods, how are we any better than them?"

Noah thought for a moment. "Damned if I know, Yayoi..."

I have another Buddy Code for LOTRO, and this time they've actually came up with an online download for the client.
If anyone's interested, lay claim here with an email addy, I'll send it off to you.--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

Star Wars Clone Wars CGI trailer is up.
------------------
Epsilon

EML wrote:

Quote:

---

A few lesser runes may have come along for the ride, if it's amusing enough.
Chitatsu Star (7 ... well, it's always Viki, and with her powers she's got an excuse to be anywhere. In fact, she may well be a Hibiki. Hibiki Viki...
Likewise, Jeane will be along for the ride as Chiketsu (40). That leaves local talent for the rest.
Reusing a bit of weirdness from another fic idea that never got off the ground, I'd like to have Mousse be the Tenki Star and master strategist -- that's Sun Mu Tzu to you.
Chimei (67): Happosai, or Ataru, or (fill in lech here).
Chiyu (84): Edogawa Conan.
Chiaku (9 : Shampoo.
Chizou (93): Iron Wok Jan.
Tensoku (20): the current Hiko Seijuurou

---

June 17th, 2010
Location: In transit between Mars & Ceres
The time is 13:45 Zulu.
I was looking at the threads while eating breakfast this morning, and I've noticed I'm getting non-insignificant amount of traffic from Danside, asking me all kinds of questions about where I've been. Woohoo and all that, more souls for my ever hungering cauldron of shadows is always nice. But it reminded me of something that I saw drinking Jazz with Perry a couple weeks back while we were docked at The Island. Some guy, obviously a tourist from the fact he gawked at everything and wore clothes that screamed I am a 40ish upper middle class white collared marketroid peon for some huge multinational corporation trying to fit in among you crazies, treat me with the disdain I deserve, was continually walking up to people and asking them questions, then inevitably irritating them enough they just yelled something and walked away. Eventually, he made his way over to our table and asked, somewhat warily now, where they had the girls who dressed up like Sailor Moon.
Oi.
I won't print my response, but it's safe to say anybody who has read anything I have written or talked to me longer than five minutes can probably guess it was laden with flowery sweet endearments, cheerfully informing and educating this guy. I'm a big bag of hearts and lollipops that way.
Back to the point. It got me thinking, the first diaspora of humans into space is still well on it's way and really showing no signs of stopping. But it also is now the case where there's enough infrastructure that significant numbers of people are coming up for purely holiday like reasons, and not planning on setting up shop on Starbase 1 or wherever. And because these people aren't Fen, there's gonna be some friction you always get when different cultures brush up against each other. So, to help acclimate these peeps who come up from dirtside, and because I needed something to write as nothings going on, I've compiled a short guide on some common things you Danes should know before visiting us up here in the Black.
Jon's Easy Steps On How To Not Get Stranded On Top of Olympus Mons By An Unimpressed Fen: A Practical Guide
Odds are, you'll get your ride from some guy in his 'waved up Honda Civic for a free dinner at Panda Express. It'll probably remind you a lot of a taxi ride, only it flies and the driver's speech is just as stereotypically unintelligible, but it's not an accent as thick as tank armor muddying the waters. Oh no, this guy's speech seems to be English (or whatever language they speak at your homeland. My Americanized brain still defaults to English no matter how worldly I get), but it's so laden with jargon, idiom, and slang that he might as well be speaking Tagalog. Don't worry about what he's saying. All you need to know is the names of locations and how much pork fried rice it's gonna cost to get there, and that's pretty easy to get across. The other stuff is probably him just geeking out.
#1: Don't Panic:
Seriously, freaking out or otherwise wigging is not gonna do you any good and probably will cause you to make a poor choice in regards to speech and actions. Don't fall into this pit. You just keep calm and things will be 100x more likely to sort themselves out. We're mostly good people up here, so asking for help, even if it makes you look like a newb, is a million times better than trying to half ass your way through. That'll just make it infinitely more likely your whole ass is gonna get flamed by some Warsie with a chip on their shoulder and a lot of time on their hands.
#2: A Green Lantern Shirt Doesn't Make You Fen:
I've seen a lot of tourists try to fit in by dressing up how they think the Fen dress. It's embarrassing to watch. Don't be that guy. You're going to stick out, it's a fact. You're very posture and manner will betray your origins as if you wrote I'm from Schaumberg Illinois! on your forehead. So own it. There's no shame in being a tourist. Everybody has had trip to Mt. Rushmore or Yellowstone. But be aware, that there are some Fen who will look on you with contempt. This stems from the fact that a lot of us were a somewhat maligned social minority back on Earth, and being in positions of social authority makes them giddy with vengeful triumph. Either they are too stupid to be aware of the irony of being abusers of power or are assholes who don't care. Either way, they're jerk faces and pay them no heed.
#3: Read the Fucking Manual
Before you come up, do a little research huh? Maybe read a faq on the major factions, browse a little wikipedia, glance at a pamphlet. Something. One of the greatest sources of fubars is some guy not knowing the difference between a Trekkie and a Browncoat or something like that. Now, I'll be the first to admit the Fen can be daunting at times. There's a lot of factions, we all have our own peculiar foibles, and get our backs up if we precieve them to be under attack or slighted in any way. Again it comes from a lot of us not sitting at the cool table during lunch and wanting to avoid that again. So your best bet is to treat it like your visiting a foreign country and be mindful of social taboos. And that's what we are really, another country that sort of sprouted up in the span of a couple years.
#4: Don't Gawk at the Catgirls:
Come on now, this should be easy. Yes, there are factions with substantial numbers of members who's outfits are... provocative. Yes, there are a number of individuals who've been biomodded into various anatomically flattering animal people hybrids or hair colors that came out of the 64 pack of Crayolas. Yes, they are frequently hawt like the Sun hawt. But don't leer at them like some frat boy at the gym. It's like nude beach etiquette. They're there but you don't pay attention to them, you go on with your business even if that Senshi's skirt could be classified as a belt in some nations. And no, I'm not just targeting guys. I've seen more than one multi person pile up because some lady was staring at some Bishi's ass in leather pants and not watching where they were going.
#5: This Is Our Lives:
In a similar vein as #4, don't be a yokel and stand rooted in middle of a traffic lane while you take pictures of some hover dolly that is carrying drill bits for Rockhounds. We're trying to live our lives out here, and gumming up the works by being in the way is a sure fire way to piss us all off. We don't come to your place of business and stare at you while you give the Q1 report to Ted from accounting.
#6: It Better Be AAA Approved:
Stick to the reputable locations and guides. There's a lot of people with access to 'wave and the common sense of a banana slug, not to mention those who are just shady. It will most likely end in tears if you try to cut corners here. They'll be yours. So if you want a tour guide, ask the Help Center on Stellvia or Kandor City or Utopia Planetia. They'll steer you to somebody who will be smart enough not to get you stranded on the moon Triton because they couldn't be bothered to read that Triton is full of ice geysers and parking on top of one is a maybe not so good an idea. You think I'm kidding, but I've made this pick up.
#7: Have Fun:
Seriously, you're in friggin space! How cool is that? Don't be afraid to show some enthusiasm. The average Fen will forgive a lot if you're actively being friendly and enjoying being out here with them. Don't be a moron about it, but being a tourist is about visiting the locales and living it up there. Do so, and you'll be planning your next trip for soon and not never. Maybe you'll even like it so much you'll move out here. Weirder things most certainly happen.
Well there you go. Follow these simple to understand words of wisdom, and you'll greatly increase your chance of not being a complete toolbox while visiting us. I'll set this off onto a permanent sidebar on the site, and edit it periodically if anything new comes to mind. Now, I'm off to play World of Starcraft. My level 70 Protoss Dragoon Headinajar needs him his a epic phase disruptor cannon. My Life for Auir bitches!
[Calli's Note: Everybody here aboard the Truth is well aware of the irony of JON writing a guide on how not to enrage various Fen. This from the guy who told a senior member of the Senshi during an interview about terraforming Venus that he'd view it as a challenge to his writing skills to work in and then she fell over exposing her panties every three sentences without seeming to repeat himself. He's a bit dim, but we love him anyway.
ps: Fuck Protoss, Zerg 4 eva!]
Last edited Sept 4th 2010
---------------
-Jon
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
The population density of Wyoming is very low, but that doesn't mean the people there aren't also out to kill you.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

Lynyrd Skynyrd Call Me The Breeze (5:06)
Call me the breeze
I keep blowin down the road
Well now they call me the breeze
I keep blowin down the road
I aint got me nobody
I dont carry me no load
Aint no change in the weather
Aint no changes in me
Well there aint no change in the weather
Aint no changes in me
And I aint hidin from nobody
Nobodys hidin from me
Oh, thats the way its supposed to be
Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin on
Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin on
Well I might go out to california
Might go down to georgia
I dont know
Well I dig you georgia peaches
Makes me feel right at home
Well now I dig you georgia peaches
Makes me feel right at home
But I dont love me no one woman
So I cant stay in georgia long
Well now they call me the breeze
I keep blowin down the road
Well now they call me the breeze
I keep blowin down the road
I aint got me nobody
I dont carry me no load
Oooh mr breeze
Power: Turns Doug into a breeze. Allows him to get past any barrier that isn't airtight, sneak through airvents quickly and quietly. Visual perception is replaced by an echolocation sort of sense, Hearing is quite good though. On the downside, he needs to keep track of how long he has left, just because a breaze fits in a certain area dosn't mean his body will if he suddenly reverts.
***************************
Lynyrd Skynyrd Dont Ask Me No Questions (3:27)
Well everytime that I come home nobody wants to let me be
It seems that all the friends I got just got to come interrogate me
Well, I appreciate your feelings and I dont want to pass you by
But I dont ask you about your business, dont ask me about mine
Well its true I love the money and I love my brand new car
I like drinkin the best of whiskey and playing in a honky tonk bar
But when I come off the road, well I just got to have my time
cause I got to find a break in this action, else Im gonna lose my mind
(chorus)
So, dont ask me no questions
And I wont tell you no lies
So, dont ask me about my business
And I wont tell you goodbye
Thats right
Well, whats your favorite color and do you dig the brothers, is drivin me up a wall
And everytime I think I can sleep, some fool has got to call
Well dont you think that when I come home, I just want a little peace of mind
If you want to talk about the business buddy, youre just wastin time
(chorus)
I said dont ask no stupid questions and I wont send you away
If you want to talk fishin, well I guess thatll be ok
Power: low grade SEP effect. As long as Doug looks roughly like he belongs there, people will ignore him. Walking around a secret research lab dressed in a labcoat or something resembling the security uniform works, walking around said lab dressed as a clown won't.
Side effect: for the duration of the effect, Doug is a pathological liar.
******************************************
Travellin' Man - Bob Seger
Up with the sun, gone with the wind,
She always said I was lazy.
Leavin' my home, leavin' my friends,
Runnin' when things get too crazy.
Out on the road, out 'neath the stars,
Feelin' the breeze, passin' the cars.
Women have come, women have gone,
Everyone tryin' to cage me.
Some were so sweet, I barely got free,
Others, they only enraged me.
Sometimes at night, I see their faces,
I feel the traces they left on my soul.
And those are the memories that made me a wealthy soul.

Travelin' man, love when I can,
Turn loose my hand 'cause I'm goin'.
Travelin' man, catch if you can,
But sooner or later I'm goin'.
Travelin' man ... Travelin' man, yes I am.
Sometimes at night, I see their faces,
I feel the traces they left on my soul.
These are the memories that made me a wealthy soul.
These are the memories that made me a wealthy soul.
Power: gate song__________________
I bet that if you cooked an elephant, you'd have a lot of leftovers.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

File this one under usefull wierdness.
effect Summons one brassier of appropriate size.

Quote:

---

BETTE MIDLER LYRICS
"Otto Titsling"
"This next story is a true story.
It concerns two of my favorite subjects:
industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts!
Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . .
The inventor of the modern foundation garment
that we women wear today was a German scientist
and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling!
This is a true story.
His name was Otto Titsling.
What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer.
It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."
Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.
One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.
Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!
Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!
Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh-i!
But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!
Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.
Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."
"Oh, thank you!"
The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?
"Ohhh! Thank you!"

---

RightStuf just sent me an e-mail saying my pre-prder of volume 1 of Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is in their shipping dock - I should be getting it shortly. (How shortly depends on Canada Customs.)
So the Haruhi collector's box (with all the extras, including the mini-pencilboard) should be showing up on store shelves Real Soon Now. Just thought you'd like to know...

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012