As another April 15th starts to fade away it is time to remember how the tax software companies like Intuit have helped us. They have seen the suffering of American tax payers and has spent millions of dollars to ensure that that suffering does not end. Wait, did I say help us, I meant we should remember how they have helped themselves by screwing us.
Imagine if the DMV operated the way our income tax system works:
"Well yes, we do know what numbers ought to go in those blanks but we're going to ask you to look up your car's VIN, then look up the details on these tables, oh, and if you make a mistake on any of the math and it doesn't agree with our calculations we'll make you pay a penalty."
"Wait, you already have the numbers? You've already calculated what I owe? How about you just tell me that number?"
"Sorry, the Auto Registration Software companies will have their pet legislator kill my job if we do that. How else will they sell AutoTax or DMV At Home if we just tell you what we think you owe?"
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

It's a piece of techno music, and thusly is unlikely to affect Doug in any way, but "We Have the Energy" by Evil Nine has a refrain in it that has a certain resonance with Doug's personality. I swear it's a sample from someone, and my brain claims it's Abbie Hoffman, but I can't say for certain and the Internet fails to identify it.
"No more slogans. No more excuses. No more blinding our eyes and baring our asses to the world. We have the power. We have the resources. We have the energy. Let's get together and WRECK SHIT!"
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

http://time.com/3821342/percy-sledge-singer-dies/
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

So recently I tried to upgrade my internet service (with the same provider)  Here are the notes sent to their customer care department. 
Thursday April 09Good Evening,
Well you should start out every message with a joke - that
was mine.
Frustrating evening.
Last week, mildly annoyed by slow
internet speeds, I cruised through the XXXXX site to see what options were
available for faster speeds - it turns out I was paying steak prices for
hamburger service and the 7mbs package triple bundle package I was paying a
total of 118.47 a month for (with all applicable taxes and bells and whistles)
was considerably more than I would by paying for the 50bms package. My own
fault for not checking more regularly and I promise to chastise myself at a more
convenient time.
So I contacted XXXX to arrange an upgrade. The first
few calls were a cavalcade of holds, dropped calls and confusion on all corners
- but at the end of the day a new package was arranged at a price I was happy
with. There was even a follow-up call to confirm some of the
details.
The I received my monthly invoice for a total of $149.83 - which
was a cavalcade of charges, services I had not asked for and made about as much
sense as a clown lodged in a Napoleonic cannon - without the inherent comedic
value.
Then I received confirmation that my new modem - which I opted to
purchase - had shipped (06-Apr-15) -Yay - with the following note attached.
"Please note that
all the original equipment must be returned in working condition, within 25 days of the date of this letter. A
missing equipment fee of $99.95 as well as late fees may be applied to your
account if items are missing or not returned by the date
requested."
Given that I purchased my current modem, this is what
is commonly referred to as incorrect.
So tonight I spent the better part
of an hour getting this sorted out - the billing - if approved by the chain of
command your staff has to go through - should be cleared up. Only time will
tell.
I want this note as a record that your staff did confirm that I
purchased my current modem (and the new one) and I am under no obligation to return
it - and that I will not be charged a $99.95 missing equipment fee (It is right
here where it is supposed to be) nor any late charges (the modem, unlike the
Norweigan Blue Parrot is not late and is still capable of the occasional Voom -
20,000 volts notwithstanding).
On the plus side, it has been confirmed
that your technician will be on site between 08:00am and 12:00 on 11-Apr-15 to
complete the journey from 7MBS to 50MBS - and I am clinging to the beautiful
dream of hope over experience that everything will go smoothly.
Thank you
for you attention to these matters,Shayne Dark
Saturday April 11Good
Evening,

Once again,
no. No it is not.

When I wrote
of the triumph of hope over experience, I did so with the best of intentions.
Little did I know that my expectations should have been set at the level of the
Toronto Maple Leafs hoisting the Stanley Cup in victory or Elisabeth Taylor
entering into a long term marriage. That is to say - no hope
whatsoever.

Today
11-Apr-15 I was supposed to be visited between the hours of 8:00 and 12:00 by a
XXXX Employee to complete the upgrade of my high speed connection. They did
not show. Nor did I receive a courtesy call or even a hastily blown raspberry
about them abandoning me at the altar of high speed - though I suppose the
raspberry was implied.

After waiting
until 1:00pm, I placed a call to XXXXTechnical support to see what was going
on. After approximately 50 minutes on hold, I reached tech support, who could
only tell me what amounted to 'we don't know and can't tell you.' Customer
service was not particularly helpful either, and the manager I pushed on to,
knew a little more about process, but all responses basically came out to 'wait
24-48 (from start of business Monday) hours for a call' - with the potentially
dangling carrot that the XXXX Employee, the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause might
show up by 5:00pm to complete the upgrade, drop off presents, or demonstrate a
biological atavism for a mammal and produce eggs (had it been the Easter
platypus or Easter spiny echidna I would have not gone so long on the odds on
the last one.)


Now, even
after every other challenge, mistake, error and other frustration this upgrade
has caused, I would be willing to be somewhat more patient and perhaps more
stoic in the face of what is admittedly a very minor
adversity.

But in not
upgrading my internet service, my current internet service was also taken
offline.

So rather
than cruising at a cool 50 or even puttering around at a slow but functional 7 -
I have no internet service whatsoever; and no explanation save 'wait 24-48 (from
start of business Monday) hours for a call.'

So to sum
up.

1.) Initial
order to upgrade muddled up. (corrected)

2.) April
Invoice muddled up (see #1 above) - should be corrected; but I am still awaiting
confirmation and documentation of correction

3.) Request
to return modem muddled up. Again, this should be corrected now. Time will
tell.

4.) Upgrade
of high speed connected from 7mbs to 50mbs - Muddled up, with loss of the
original connection, and no indication as to when connectivity at either speed
will be restored.

Four for
four.

Can you
please have someone contact me via phone in regards to this. I can be reached
during the weekends or evenings at XXXXX or during weekdays at
XXXXX.

Thank you for
your attention to these matters,

Shayne
Dark

Sunday, April 12
Denouement.
So rather than wait for your call (24-48
hours) I went ahead and did some work on my own; this isn't exactly my first
rodeo.
First - XXXX ships modems with the default passwords set (even
without access to the internet, getting in was a matter of seconds.)
It
turns out everything was completed (not sure why I had to be home for this, as
access was not required - unless you have a magical installer who poofs from
place to place in a cloud of fairy dust and chimney soot).
Examination of
the modem diagnostics indicated that the DSL connection was established and the
only thing missing was the PPOE connection to XXXX. (Your DSL.XXXX.ca site
merely spun its wheels and quietly chewed paste in the corner when
contacted.)
So I called XXXX technical support and was able to get the
updated password and confirm the configuration. Bang. Service up and
running.
The question arises as to why no one on the XXXXX side could
figure this out yesterday.
I would like to extend enthusiastic kudos to
XXXX (ref#XXXXXX) who was able to answer the questions that I needed answered
in a succinct and informed manner.
Whatever you do, please take NO FURTHER ACTION in
regards to my connection - it is working, and speed tests indicate that I am
getting the appropriate speed.
So now to get billing straightened
out; and we're golden.
Cheers,Shayne Dark
I am almost afraid to go home tonight for fear that in the hours since I left the house they have somehow managed to fuck things up again.

Having watched the first 2 episodes, I'd recommend it.  It's interesting to watch Thomas Cromwell in action. You're trying to figure out what is he thinking. He is a man of contradictions. Abused as a kid, yet a great husband and father. Cultured, yet a commoner. Loyal to whom he had pledged his service. And a man who has made a list of those who wronged him and his. "No better friend and no worse enemy" would describe him very well.
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

...with the posts to the banned songs thread, I had to go cheer myself up again.
So: Doug, I'd like to introduce you to sisters Sara, Hannah, Eva and Liza Holbrook, collectively known as SHEL.
potential Gate song; it would be presumptious of me to say where...but the lyric is pretty clear.(Whether it works or not, I'll bet it would be one he tries, if he heard it.)
to stealth and Walk In Shadows...but only for acts that are clearly against the law in that world.
to boost persuasion skills to bring a dubious audience around to Doug's point of view.
a simulacrum of a sleeping P. T. Barnum. As long as the song lasts, wistful memories of circuses past surround him in illusionary form. (Yeah, it's weird, but...)

Did anyone else despise the ending of Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea
Part Two as much as I did? I know Ken Levine wanted to kill off the
series, but geeze. Spoilers ahead.

This came to me last night, after having finished the DLC for the second time.
...Elizabeth's
mind raced frantically as she saw the men awaiting her at the end of
the dank, dripping access passage. She *knew* a messy death awaited her
as soon as she handed the Ace in the Hole over to Atlas, her usefulness
to the man's plan then being at an end, her weapons gone, no Eve to
power her plasmids. In a seeming irrelevancy, Booker's voice, faint, in
the back of her head reading from one of her physics textbooks, said,
"....quantum entanglement is only demonstrated when one of the particles
is observed, and the waveform of the entangled particle or particles
collapses simultaneously."
"What?" Silence. Thinking furiously as
she walked forward slowly, "...if the wave form is collapsed by
observation, then my situation is that of an entangled particle. What if
the particle...escapes being observed? Or...changes state?"
She
stopped in front of the pack of desperate, ruthless men, one holding a
struggling Sally by her emaciated arm. "Have you got it?" said Atlas.
"I've
got it. Right here." She took a deep breath. All her instincts told her
she would die, here in this stinking tenement at the bottom of the
ocean, unless she could come up with something *now*. Then it hit her.
"You do have someone who's cracked Suchong's private code, besides me,
right?"
Atlas stopped in mid-pace. "What?" She held out the paper
to him. The indecipherable chemical symbols filling out the page were
clearly incomprehensible, judging by the look on his face. "OK, missy,
then why don't you tell me what this says, an' we can get on with our
'little war', as I think you called it?"
"Not so fast," she said.
"If you don't have this code cracked, then remember - the only key
you've got for it is in *my* head. Andrew Ryan called me a 'rube', back
in the Silverfin, but I really don't think either of us is, do you? Kill
me, and if you need more of Suchong's notes on the Ace cracked quickly,
you're out of luck, aren't you?"
Atlas glowered, and in that
instant...something *changed*. Elizabeth felt her powers, her connection
to her other selves throughout the Universes, come rushing back in a
tidal wave of force. Suddenly, the tableau before her froze, and a pair
of familiar, supercilious voices spoke from behind her. A thrill rushed
through Elizabeth, as Roger Lutece said, "Hmpf. You were right, sister,
she did figure it out."
"Of course she did. We left her enough
clues," said Rosalind. "All it took was for her to escape the
observation we made that this was the moment of her death, and the
quantum superposition ends."
Elizabeth smiled happily. "So what happens now?"
"Now, my dear girl?"said Rosalind, kindly. Why that -"
" - would be telling." said Roger. "Why don't we just go on, and *see* for ourselves, instead?" Both Luteces extended a hand.
"Wait
- what about..." Visions rushed into her head, of Sally escaping in the
rush of confusion over her own disappearance, of Atlas managing to get
the activation phrase deciphered by the other members of Suchong's
research team (hastening poor Gil Alexander's descent into madness along
the way), of the Ace - Jack Ryan - arriving in Rapture, and his
subsequent rescue of both himself, and the Little Sisters. Smiling, she
took the proffered hands, and simply said, "Yes. Let's do."

"When a guy says 'There's a monster in my pants that can not be contained!' he's boasting about his wang, but when a woman says it she's complaining about her butt."

I laughed.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

It happens sometimes.
Somewhere, out there in Tumblr-verse, every now and then, someone comes up with something REALLY worthy.

Something so freakishly earth-shattering that it must be shared.

For our first submission, I present to you...  Insurance Commercial Fanfic.

(Trust me, it's a lot better than it sounds.)

Link: http://kyraneko.tumblr.com/tagged/insurance-fanfic

Text:

Idly browsing Wikipedia, I discovered that seiyuu Noto Mamiko had two TV anime roles which, while not set in the same 'verse, could still be considered related -- in an odd way.  In Ah! My Goddess in '05 & '06, she voiced Mishima Sayoko, Belldandy's self-anointed archrival at Nekomi Tech.  Two years before, in The Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok, Noto-san played ... Verdandi.  I found that hilarious, and I had to wonder if people on the AMG set snickered about it every now and then.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.