[RFC] The Trials of the Brothers Grimm (working title)

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Deadpan29 wrote:

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Well, this is a situation in which it actually makes sense for the viewpoint character to take a moment to mentally list where he is, what's currently happening, what's likely to happen in the near future, and some details about who the people around him are. Consider adding a paragraph of that nature somewhere in there.

Right, I will work on it in a bit. Thanks for the constructive criticism, it really does help.
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Black Aeronaut]

The first snippets of the Oh! My Goddess step are on their way, just as soon as The Silent Jack approves the revision I made.

[deadpan29]

Thesilentjackofalltrade wrote:

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Deadpan29 wrote:

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Well, this is a situation in which it actually makes sense for the viewpoint character to take a moment to mentally list where he is, what's currently happening, what's likely to happen in the near future, and some details about who the people around him are. Consider adding a paragraph of that nature somewhere in there.

Right, I will work on it in a bit. Thanks for the constructive criticism, it really does help.

While I initially said "a paragraph", I would like to change that recomendation to scattering the background information throughout rather than clustering it in one infodump.  He turns to see Kamadi, we get a sentence with two or three things about the character's personality and/or capabilities, etc. 
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad.  In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Deadpan29 wrote:

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Thesilentjackofalltrade wrote:

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Deadpan29 wrote:

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Well, this is a situation in which it actually makes sense for the viewpoint character to take a moment to mentally list where he is, what's currently happening, what's likely to happen in the near future, and some details about who the people around him are. Consider adding a paragraph of that nature somewhere in there.

Right, I will work on it in a bit. Thanks for the constructive criticism, it really does help.

While I initially said "a paragraph", I would like to change that recomendation to scattering the background information throughout rather than clustering it in one infodump.  He turns to see Kamadi, we get a sentence with two or three things about the character's personality and/or capabilities, etc. 

Alright, I will give that a try.
Just got back from work, so my brain is fried, I will work on it tomorrow.
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2 ... rtwork.jpg

How would you describe his clothing? I am having some slight trouble describing it...
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Foxboy]

"Anything with that many straps and metal rings should be fetish gear, but he made it work as normal attire."
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

Foxboy wrote:

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"Anything with that many straps and metal rings should be fetish gear, but he made it work as normal attire."

I wish there was a 'like' button.
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Black Aeronaut]

Reminder to Silent Jack - Sandstone is usually quite hard. You might have wanted limestone instead.
EDIT: Finally came up with a good system for the game!EDIT2: To fix a goof.
First off, let me name off the ROBs involved with The Game.

• Ao from Forgotten Realms
• Iluvatar from the Silmarillion
• The High God from Dragon Lance
• Q (as played by John de Lancie) representing the Q Continuum
• And ATC's ROB whose name I will not reveal until ATC says it's okay

The Almighty from Ah! Megami-sama is the organizer and officiator.
The game is pretty simple.  Each deity chooses one of the Brothers as their token on the board.  Now, the board itself doesn't really matter - there's no finish line or anything as such, and it would probably look something like a fiendishly complex 3D version of Chutes and Ladders (different decision trees in different worlds, all with their own ups and downs).
Since the position of the token doesn't really matter, that leaves wagering.  This works like a poker tournament - whoever has the most winnings in the end is the winner.  Also, ontop of the wagers, there is also a bonus system in place.  If, say Q placed a bet against Garrick Grimm (me) taking a particular action, but I carry that action out anyhow, ATC's ROB (who picked Garrick as his token) not only gets the winnings, but a bonus percentage for picking someone that has defied the opponent's (Q's) prediction.  (This bonus does not come out of any one person's winnings - they're simply added on by the house.)
The prize at the end is a juicy one.
Earth.  Where the Brothers and Walker are from.
Thoughts?

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

A new section, I will change it up later.
Edit 1: Edited to fit in the fact of kamahri's damaged arm.
09090909
I found the corpse of Kamahri Ronso, down the hallway to my right, towards the dead end. He was flung half way down the hallway, maybe a dozen feet, and was all sorts of bloody. His whole left side was deprive of skin, and his left arm was at a disgusting angle. I walked up to the still warm, limp body, watching for any movement whatsoever. I checked his pulse, reaching for his neck. I felt my stomach drop when I couldn’t feel a pulse, I repositioned my fingers a few times, and shook my head. He was dead.

I pursed my lips, and tried to consider what to do now. I obviously needed to get rid of the body, and find anything I could use to servive. I began to search the Ronso for anything that might help me. I found but a small bag on his side, and I sighed. I needed to do anything I can to survive, including robbing the dead. I searched the bag, feeling guilty for going through a dead guy’s stuff. I steeled my nerves, and swallowed that guilt. I can feel guilty later, when I actually have a chance to think about what I have done. I turned it upside down, and nothing fell out thus causing a vast amount of confusion.

“What?” I asked in a harsh tone, and reached into the bag with my hand, I needed anything I can use to survive, maybe heal up this bruise a little. I felt my hand brush against something cool, and I smiled, grabbing a hold of it. I pulled, feeling no resistance. I saw a reflection of light, and I blinked when it came into full view.

A blue bottle. I took a quick, but thorough look at the bottle, and realized what it was thanks to the label. I saw this before in Dead Fantasy by Monty Oum, a potion. I put the bottle down on the ground, and tried again. I had a sneaking suspicion of what this bag was. I was thinking, Phoenix down, but I got nothing.

“How does this thing work?” I asked in wonder. I was sure this was a bag of holding, but since I couldn’t pull out anything for some reason, maybe it wasn’t.

“Damn it…” I needed something to protect myself for now at least. I felt something rough touch my hand and I grabbed a hold of the object in question, and pulled it out. What appeared to be a wooden pole came into view when I noticed a blade at the end of the pole, I knew what it was. It was a spear, a basic spear. Not nearly as heavy as Kamahri's lance, which was good for me. I put the spear off to the side, and reached in again, and my frustration was climbing. I couldn’t get anything.

“Come on damn it! How does this thing work!” I looked at Kamahri, and my anger melted away, replaced by guilt. I killed him, for nothing but a potion and a spear. I searched him again, and found nothing. My eyes kept on drifting to Kamahri’s eyes, as they started turning white. I closed Kamahri’s eyes, and felt true regret for what I did.

“Sorry…” I murmured, not sure of what to do. I remembered something, while looking around trying to come up with a new plan. Dead bodies dissipate into a light show of pyraflies upon dying in this world. I thought to myself. I ran to the bag, grabbing it and reaching in violently. I managed to get something this time.

“Good!” I murmured, and pulled out a small red colored feather, it had some weight, and a slight glow to it. “Phoenix Down!” I yelled in triumph. I was going to bring this tom cat back to life. Potentially suicidal, yes, but I need answers, and I don’t think I could live with myself for killing someone that didn't deserve it. In a way, Kamahri did have it coming by trying to kill me. But...I just can't let a good person die. I ran to the blue corpse and stopped.

“How does this work?” I muttered. In the games, you just see the guys throwing it at the corpse. In battle, they wouldn’t have time to force feed a corpse.

I sighed in frustration, and just threw the damn thing at the stiffening body, not expecting anything.

“Gwha!” I cried out when the corpse moved, I scrambled back away from what appeared to be a blue zombie. Kamahri gasped, clutching his chest. He was barely able to stand up.

“You spared Kamahri…why?” He asked, his face confused.

“Because this is the right thing to do.” I say, clutching the spear, just in case.

Kamahri sat down, and let his head rest on the ruined wall, closing his eyes. “Name?” He asked. I realized I never introduced myself, and cleared my throat a little.

“Slade Grimm.” I say, and Kamahri just say’s his name. I nodded my head, and decide to just ask my questions.

“Have you seen four others like me, but they look latino?” I ask, already knowing they were not going to be here. Kamahri gave me a look, not understanding. He picked up the potion, and I watched as his skin started to grow over his arm.

“No.” He says, then after a moment of silence born of me watching his wound repair itself, he asked me a question.

“What is a Latino?” I was snapped out of my morbid curiosity, and almost started to explain what a Latino is, but stopped. There are no Latinos in Final Fantasy 10. White, black, asian, cat people, fish people, and tentacle people, but no Latino folk. Maybe because there are no borders to cross? I thought, giving myself a smile.
I am half latino, I can make both white and latino jokes without being a racist, but it could get in into trouble if people don't know about my background. Anyway, regardless of how smart Kamahri is, I doubt that he would understand.

“It’s alright, and you didn’t see them.” I say, and start to think. I have to find my brothers if they are in this world. They gotta be somewhere near by…unless they are still in Ah! My Goddess or they jumped to another world other than this one. I thought to myself bitterly. I shook my head, my smile gone. I already lost so much…I will NOT lose them too. I thought to myself, refusing to believe without at least looking for them that they were lost. And if they are, I will find them.

“Alright. Go guard your summoner, I am going to leave now.” I said, taking the spear, but leaving the bag and potion on the ground.

“To do what?” he asks, with what looked like curiosity.

“I have to find my brothers. They are all I have left.” I state, offering the spear back to kamahri.

He took one look at the spear, and shook his head. The blue catman started to collect everything that was his, minus the spear. He took out another two potions, and drank them. His entire left side looked as good a new, he gave a slight growl, and walked away towards the guardian chamber. I sighed. Ok, now how to get past all of the yevon freaks.
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[Seraviel]

Sorry for the lack of answers, real life & my other story intruded.

For Silent's FFX snippet, outside a few grammar issues, pretty good. I see no real issue with what little FFX I can remember, and it's a good setup for future relationships in the story. Message me if you want a list of whatever grammar issue I could see.

BA, those 5 make sense to me, and I can see the Almighty having a plan and manipulating the stakes in the background.

1) Question however, is ATC's SWTG character part of this game, a prototype of this game, or something completely different?

2) Is this thing open to other characters (I care not about being actively represented or represented at all in your stories, just the concept itself.) ?
-People may die, but ideas are forever. Je suis Charlie.

[Black Aeronaut]

Hrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm......

1) I can't really give too many details without spoiling his story, but I feel pretty safe in saying that Walker is something completely different. I will say what things Walker and The Brothers have: a) They're all unwilling dimensional travelers; b) ATC's ROB has something to do with it; c) They're all from Texas.

2) For sure, you can use the concept in a fic of your own. But if you're talking about creating some sort of expanded universe thing.... that could be problematic. You'd have to get with ATC to be let in on certain details.

[Thesilentjackofalltrade]

I realized I messed up after watching youtube video's that show the inside of the temple.

I am going to rewrite a little, just to be accurate.
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Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered
Quote from Julius Caesar

[robkelk]

ROB = Random Omnipotent Being.

I must remember that for future use...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012