ROTFL, Part II

[Valles]

Well, I have and had read the fic before, but the posted quote tuned me in to the fact that it had been updated - including with that chapter - since the last time I'd gone through it.
However, I take great issue with the fact that the quotation cut off before the scene's real punchline.

---

Ignoring them completely, Naruto jumped out of his hiding spot, awkwardly landing in front of a smug Gai. He took the man's hand and shook it enthusiastically. I will never look at you the same way again. he vowed, his eyes dancing in delight. My respect for you just jumped up by a million points.

---

Ja, -n

===============================================
"Puripuri puripuri... Bang!"

[ECSNorway]

---

Harry recalled what Hermione Granger, (or as Mom or Aunt Dawn might describe her, "the young lady in serious need of a good leave-in conditioner and a little bit of styling mousse&quot had said about the ceiling when some of the other kids coming in were ooh-ing and ahh-ing once they caught their first glimpse of it: "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in 'Hogwarts, A History'." Personally, he wondered if these people had ever heard of skylights.
Oh yeah, he noted with a mental sigh, he remembered now ? that was the super massive, thousand page book that Remus and Sirius had insisted he get along with the other dozen or so texts and other reference books that he had spent most of a day collecting from that magic book store in Ding-Dong Alley along with the other school supplies he needed.
With a memory like she exhibited and her clearly unconscious, slightly know-it-all manner when answering questions or pointing out inaccuracies in other people's comments or statements, he head to admit that Hermione certainly seemed to be very close to what he imagined Aunt Willow might have been like when she and Dad were growing up in Sunnydale, back before Mom had moved there and long before the town had finally dropped into the mile-wide crater that the federal government had finally declared a wildlife reserve, in order to prevent anyone from trying to rebuild in the area.
The fact that she also spoke and wrote Klingon fluently merely raised her status a few more points as far as he was concerned.

---

From 'Prophecies? We don't need no stinkin' Prophecies' chapter 20.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[jpub]

ECSNorway - wanna give us a link?--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

[The Hunterminator]

---

ECSNorway - wanna give us a link?

---

www.tthfanfic.org/Story-8...hecies.htm

[ECSNorway]

Sorry, I get it off the ML before it hits TTH.--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

from "For the Love of my Friends" pt 52
Hinata took a step back as well, understanding that her sister wanted to distance herself from her so she could find her own friends. Good luck. Hanabi nodded again, then turned around and quickly walked towards the Academy doors. Hinata, with a heavy sigh, watched her go.
She's an uptight little girl, isn't she? Naruto mentioned softly, breaking the tense silence. Hinata jumped. She had forgotten that he was even there. Naruto pretended that he didn't notice. She has the same look as Sasuke. You know, the vaguely uncomfortable look at having a stick shoved so far up your ass that you have trouble finding it?
Naruto-kun... Hinata groaned, hiding her face in her hands. It was mostly to hide her smile, which she was certain was highly inappropriate. She's my sister!
www.fanfiction.net/s/2147268/52/__________________
If you shoot a mime to death... is a silencer even necessary?
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[jpub]

I had the link to Greywizard's story, I'm talking about that Tenhawk one ESCNorway quoted.--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

[The Hunterminator]

I've been rereading one of my favorite Harry Potter fanfics around, and certainly the most ROFL worthy that I know, and here's my favorite part.

---

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Ask you how?
What do you mean you "Mocked Voldemort"? Doesn't everyone?
Gin
---
To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Ask you how?
No, I actually "mocked" Voldemort.
Hey, Gin... how would you feel about being my right hand when I conquer Voldemort and take over the Death Eaters? Create a new regime of utter evil. You're a Weasley, you've proven to be devious and ingenious... and you have past history in this area.
Whattaya think?
As for the mocking:
"I tink I taw a bid bad Moldiemort
I DiD, I DiD
I did tee a bid bad Moldiemort"
HP
I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!
---
To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: You DIDN'T?!
Harry! You DIDN'T?!
- Ginny
---
To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: You DIDN'T?!
I did. Why? What's the worst he can do? Jump up and down shrieking, "Kill him! Kill him!"?
- HP
I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!
---
To: Lucius Malfoy
From: Lord Voldemort
Fwd: Re: Re: Minions
Malfoy!
KILL HIM! KILL HIM!
Your Lord & Master,
Voldemort
---
To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Red Right Hand
Good point. Here's a thought... want to have a series of T-Shirts or robes made up with the "I Tink I Taw" emblazoned on the back? It'd send Moldiemort through the roof!
- Ginny

---

The Naked Quidditch Match (Quite possibly NSFW)
www.nodignity.com/freaks/nqm/nqm1.html

[WengFook]

I don't quite get the link to chapter 10 :O was it previously hosted on that site or something?_______________________________
We are the swords in the darkness, the watchers on the walls. The fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn. The horn that wakes the sleepers. The shield that guards the realms of men. -The Brothers Black
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[The Hunterminator]

As far as I can tell, the writer's web page has gone under. I think there was a harry potter fanfiction site that had all the chapters. I think the name was schnoogle or something similar.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Naked Quidditch for the win. *********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org

[Acyl]

---

"He's a ninja. They're like quantum particles. You either know where they've been, or where they're going. Not both."

---

From Witchy Woman, chapter 13, by Vathara.
Vathara's stuff is worth reading, period. Smart and occasionally funny.
Quote's regarding Shinomori Aoshi of Rurouni Kenshin fame.
It totally made my day. =)
-- Acyl

[Norgarth]

From EPU's 'Fulcrum of Fate' pt3
"Ivan," said Len with an affable smile, "I don't think you were entirely straight with me yesterday."
Ivan blanched and stamped down on the hidden button under the counter.
"I don't know what you are talking about," he said, painfully aware that the huge bullets of sweat studding his forehead would put the lie to that. "You should leave before I call police."
Len crossed the cluttered front area of the shop to stand in front of the counter. Juhani remained by the door, arms folded, scowling.
"I'm afraid Selven won't be answering your call," Len told Ivan. "She's... indisposed at the moment."
Of all the humiliating ways to be cut out of the action, Selven thought. Trapped in a portafresher with the door welded shut by a Jedi lightsaber. No one back on Taris is -ever- going to let me live this down.
I'm going to kill that Jedi bastard some day, if it's the last thing I ever do.
****************************
and from a new 'Sic Semper Morituri' segment:
"Reow reow, reow, reow!" Artemis screamed as the yoyo mooncat unwound as he descended alongside the building Jeff sat atop. Jeff glanced at Luna as she cowered in her cage.
"You don't understand," Luna pleaded with him, "We told Asuka everything!"
"You told her everything you remembered - at that time," Jeff explained in a kindly tone as he flicked the rope up, sending the bound mooncat spinning up to his palm, "Now you might remember more," he said as flick of his wrist sent the mooncat down. He addressed himself to Luna in her cage, "There's also the fact that she's a physicist and mathematician. I'm an engineer and historian. I'll ask different questions, and interpret what you say differently."
Jeff flicked his hand up, and looked down over the edge of the roof at the spinning Artemis. "It's amazing that something that small can barf that much."
Luna fainted. __________________
If you shoot a mime to death... is a silencer even necessary?
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[CattyNebulart]

As expected, Iruka had no idea he wasnt the only person Naruto duped.
You too? Why, that little bastard! he exclaimed.
I said that to myself quite often yesterday, Kakashi noted as a passing.
The little bastard Iruka said again, dazed. Then he shook his head. It must have been a massive trauma to your ego, Kakashi-san.
Yes, it was. I found it rather amusing.
Iruka squint his eyes in disbelief. Really, he said. Youre taking it exceptionally well.
No. Im not. Hmmmyou think so?
Yes, an actual smirk curled on Irukas lips. Youre sooo not contemplating revenge, for one thing.
Yes I am. I want bloodBLOOD! I did have a couple of ideas, but they werent feasible.
Iruka laughed outright. So you really were duped!
Bingo. You wound me, Kakashi dolefully looked at Iruka. You thought I was lying?
---
from a Different Perspective
www.fanfiction.net/s/2342935/1/
a Naruto fanfiction which is somewhat AU and has serious OOC isues, but that still had me laughing out loud.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[ECSNorway]

Speaking of the new SSM...
"I think we should leave," Artemis told everyone, Luna nodded while looking around worriedly, "Dogs give me heartburn. Especially demonic warriors."
"That means they weren't youma, they were yasha."--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Aleh]

From Metal Gear Solid: Slytherin Eater, a HP/MGS crossover --

---

"But why do I have to let him get away with that?"
"You don't have to. You just have to fight him differently. Insult him right back. Preferably with a better thought out insult. Insult smarter basically. If he gets angry enough to use violence, then you have carte blanche to respond with similar level of non-lethal force. Never throw the first punch, but make damn sure to throw the last one."
"Oh. So that works?"
"It lets you keep the moral high ground as well as being very satisfying. No lasting damage though, try not to break any bones."
"Soft tissue damage only?"
"That works yes."
Big Boss couldn't help but think he had made a mistake somewhere there. He went out to get the mail.
Wolf figured now wouldn't be the best time to mention that she had used a silenced .22 rifle she had found in the house to snipe Dudley's Nintendo and TV from the roof on the house on the other side of them.

---

Or there's this --

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"My brother says there's something else girls are good for," the third remarked, "Said that the ones with big tits are the best." He leered at her. "Yeah, you're gonna be really good for that. Maybe I'll let ye be my girlfriend, show you want I'm talking about."
The three laughed and began to seemingly congratulate each other. Wolf smiled though.
Saladin had said that those kinds of comments were something she could happily respond to in kind. It took her a moment to think of the language, but she remember the kinds of insults the Iraqi soldiers she had once worked with had used on each other. She hoped the translated well, and were effective
"Like you would have any idea of what to do with a woman," she replied, "I mean you probably spend so much time sodomizing each other that you would be unable to tell one end from the other. I find your insults laughable, but you are pleasant to be around as while your personalities are bothersome, the heat generated by your flaming homosexuality makes the coping with the winter that much more pleasant." She wasn't actually sure what this meant, but it had the desired effect.

---

-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[jpub]

Aleh, where's that HP/MGS at?--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

[Kheram Coldstar]

Link please?

Kheram

[CattyNebulart]

bbs.stardestroyer.net/vie...sc&start=0
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Sirrocco]

From the first bit of Slytherin Eater
-------------
"I was hoping to go out in a blaze of glory." He replied instead.
"C'mon! We both know that you are too good to die like that. If you were rolling around in a wheelchair you'd still kick everyone's asses."
-------------
EASTER EGG LEVEL!
Also...
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"Lieutenant Cherry Weasley! What the hell are you talking about? Why would you even know who Harry Potter is?" Her expression added a layer of shame at his questions.
"Sorry sir..." She NEVER called him sir. "... I shouldn't have said any of that. It's just so great a shock, I got carried away. I can't even begin to calculate the odds of this happening."
"That still doesn't answer my question." At least he was now sure it wasn't anything harmful.
"He's turning eleven this year. Just stay close to him on his birthday and you'll get your answer." She hesitated then added. "And please don't eat the owl, Dumbledore wouldn't like it if you ate one of his school owls."
He shook his head incredulously, she was the only person alive who could talk circles around him, so if she didn't want to tell she wouldn't tell.
Still he had to be sure to pack some extra ordnance this visit, just in case.
------------
...and, a bit later on... (note that double quotes are speech. single quotes are the main character thinking to himself.)
-------------
There were three people there. Cherry Weasley, Colonel Campbell his replacement and some guy in a white coat he didn't recognize.
"I presume this is about the girl?" Big Boss asked.
"Yes. We got a problem with her that we think only you can help with."
'Run Big Boss run.'
His Paranoia listed all scenarios. He made the plans for the worst he could come up with first.
'If this tries to turn into a cheap porno flick I'm grabbing a weapon and shooting my way out.'
-------------
OMAKE!
The author has an interesting skill balance. Story looks good, none of the obvious fanfic Badnesses, and grammar and spelling correct - but it's like the author is uncomfortable using english in anything other than character speech - it just comes out a bit awkward. Not something I've ever run into before in quite that way, and in te absence of other flaws.

[WengFook]

That was fun a very fun ride indeed heres hoping the author continues it till the end._______________________________
We are the swords in the darkness, the watchers on the walls. The fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn. The horn that wakes the sleepers. The shield that guards the realms of men. -The Brothers Black
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Aleh]

Thanks for taking care of the link for me, Catty.
As a side note, this is from the latest (and final, apparently) chapter of Brown Coat, Green Eyes.

---

It appears Blue Sun made an inappropriate toy for children, Mal explained.
You mean the Shake em Shock em Pogo Stick? Jane asked,
Yeah, Mal turned to her in surprise. Youre familiar with it?
Jane smiled mischievously. Ive heard good things.
Mal chuckled. Right. Because it appears the combination of shaking and shocking has kids holding their sticks a little too close to themselves, quite often in ways they dont really understand. Reports indicate older sisters are spending more time on the pogo stick than their younger siblings who the toy was designed for.

---

-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[Florin]

And that fic lead me to this very excellent MGS webcomic!--
Jimmy Hendrix is calling me! He's telling me to defeat Klingons! CAPTAIN PICARD!
--
If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all. 

[WengFook]

from another part of Slytherin Eater:

---

"I prefer snakes though for future reference." Rule number one in the Secret Warrior world: Mess with Big Boss at your own risk. 'Cause he messed back and had more experience.

---

this just had me grinning like a fool _______________________________
We are the swords in the darkness, the watchers on the walls. The fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn. The horn that wakes the sleepers. The shield that guards the realms of men. -The Brothers Black
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Bob Schroeck]

A few favorites of my own...

---

"You're going to hell, you realize that," Flash said to Usagi as they walked down the walk and out the gate.
"I'll be in good company," Usagi said, making a gesture of dismissal. "Besides, ruling the dead is a career goal anyone can aspire to."
-- from The Amazing Spiderwoman, chapter 12, by StudioPC

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"Giles, mate, I," he said, pointing at himself, speaking very slowly to be sure that Giles understood what he was saying. "Am a vam-pire." He made an almost Monty-Python gesture of fangs with his fingers. "I do bad things. I knock out the kids in my care. I abandon my baby-sitting duties." With every statement, a more horrified look crossed his face. "I am evil!"
"And the fact that you were doing babysitting duties in the first place does not in any way undermine your statement that you are, in fact, a terribly evil vampire," Minerva said innocently, not looking up from the page she was marking.
Spike scowled at her. "Minnie, luv, you're ruining my reputation."
"No, Billy," she looked up and smiled sweetly at him. "You're successfully doing that all by yourself."
-- from "The Eighth Weasley", chapter 58, by Fyre

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In what remained of Tokyo-Disney, a forty-meter tall statue of Mickey Mouse opened its eyes, glowing red.
Fortunately for us, the statue couldn't move, and since no one visited Tokyo-Disney anymore, no one would ever face the Thirteenth Angel.
-- Shinji and PenPen's Bogus Journey, by Innortal

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"Hey Potty," Malfoy arrived to make his yearly attempt to ruin everyone's good time. "What have you done to my mother?"
"I'll tell you when you're older," Harry smiled.
-- from "Let's Do The Time Warp Again," Chapter 6

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"Oh, shitburgers," the princess said primly.
-- from "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever", Chapter 18, by Mark MacKinnon

---

"Allow me to stand you a drink, Harry."
"Aren't I underage?"
"Not today," Dumbledore said, "none of you are. Laphroaig on me, all around! And that's including Miss Lovegood's invisible friends." Cheers rang out from a dozen metaphysical throats, and Luna was suddenly there beside them in the street, dressed like Emma Peel, if Emma Peel had a taste for plaid and carried a winged hamster on her shoulder.
-- from "Harry Potter and the Unexpected Plot Twist", by Andrew Aelfwine

---

Harry let the portrait close behind him, then pressed himself up against the cold stone wall to one side, head back and eyes closed. He took a deep breath, then another. He truly hoped Hermione was wrong. He just couldn't think of a time when she ever was before. And that meant he had another mortal enemy. An incompetent, cowardly, prancing nancy-boy of a mortal enemy, but still.
-- from With Malice Aforethought, Chapter 8, by S. P. Smith

---

The guide smirked at the sight. "Quick, mister customer! Jump into spring! Spring put out fire!" Turning to Ranma, he sighed, his smirk vanishing. "{I just hope he doesn't jump into an unbound spring.}"
Ranma raised an eyebrow while wringing out her hair. "{What happens then?}"
The guide shrugged, watching the old man leap towards a spring. "{We get dirt and fill in new spring of drowned pathetic bastardly excuse for a father.}"
-- from "Ranma: The Pacifist", chapter 1, by Brian Randall

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Putting on his most charming smile, Soun turned back to Misuto. "Can you help us find the foul thing, Misuto-san?"
"Of course!" Misuto said happily. "With your woma... your lov... your acquaintance by your side, you will bravely face the ravening claws of the demonic horror, and be torn into small pieces. Your blood will mix and flow together towards the sea. Such tragedy!" She dabbed gleefully at her eyes. "Oh, I haven't seen a good doomed quest in ages!"
Soun swallowed. "Misuto-san, I am expecting to win."
"Oh, of course you are," the kami said cheerfully. "It's more tragic that way."
-- from PastPresent, Chapter 8, by Susan Doemine

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"I think teachers are required to regard even one demon in the dormitory as an administrative problem," said Draco.
-- Draco Sinister, chapter 1, by Cassandra Claire

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"I'm assuming you have a more detailed plan than 'be bitter as killer robots descend upon us'?" said Nadia pointedly.
"I've got two actually," said Hikaru, "and seeing as the first one involves a bathtub full of champagne, a violinist, and a bottle of sherry, we're probably going to have to go with the second one."
Nadia blinked. "Are you sure about that? Because I'm definitely intrigued."
"Yes, I know, it would have been magical, but we're going with door number two," said Hikaru.
-- "Defending", chapter 6, by David Dee

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Some things were just a given. The sky is blue. Water is wet. Genma can't be trusted farther than Kasumi could throw him. You never really stop to ask why.
-- White Rose, by Andrew Lemly

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-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...