Any "like to cook" foodies here?

[classicdrogn]

Super-Fast Cheesy Chicken Soup, Oh Fuck It's Cold Edition
(because I went out to bring a load of firewood in from the pile just now, and OH FUCK IT'S COLD)

One serving
Time: 4-5 minutes depending on how numb your hands are

ingredients:
1 egg
1 slice processed cheese. Not real cheese, the processed stuff, because it melts quickly and mixes into broth.
1-2 oz. cooked chicken or turkey, deli cold cuts is fine
~1 tbsp "classic mix" frozen veggies - cubed carrot, sweet corn, and peas
Chicken bouillon to taste - I used 1 tsp. of the powdered kind, because it dissolves instantly unlike cubes
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Ground black pepper
Powdered Parmesan Cheese
Crackers to taste - a half dozen or so?

Hardware:
Microwave safe bowl or large mug
Kettle (or a separate microwaveable dish of some kind to heat water to a boil)
Kitchen shears, because using a knife and cutting board is for people who aren't shivering and numb
Teaspoon and possibly tablespoon for measuring
Spoon of choice for stirring and eating

First, put the kettle on high. You should have done that before you went out in this kind of weather, fool.

Into a microwave-safe bowl or mug, crack 1 egg, stir lightly to break up the yolk, and nuke it for 30s. Take it out, break up the cooked parts into the uncooked parts with a spoon or table knife, and nuke it again to finish cooking. 30s to another 1min should do. If you're using a second mug to boil your water, put it in now while you mix up the other stuff. Break up the egg again, into small bits.

Add 1 slice of processed cheese such as Kraft singles or your favourite brand.

Cut up the chicken into the bowl with your kitchen shears, as small as you have patience for.

Put your bouillon in on top of that, and sprinkle in some powdered garlic, onion, Parmesan, and ground pepper as well.

Drop enough veggies in to be able to tell your mom without feeling like it's a lie.

Hopefully the kettle is boiling by now, so pour in enough water to cover everything without being too close to the rim, nuke it all for another minute, then stir everything up to mix it together. Add some more water to thin the result to taste, or don't because hot food sticking to your ribs sounds really good about now.

Crush the crackers a bit and drop them in, then wrap your hands around the mug to warm them up and hopefully not drop the damn thing due to shivering.

Huddle in a quilt in front of the fire and slurp your chicken soup while cussing out climate change deniers. Fuck damn it's cold.

(Twelve degrees Fahrenheit here this morning, five including wind chill. Brrr.)
e: that's -11C, for everyone else