Chapter 14 Now Available on My Website

[Bob Schroeck]

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Wow.... That was yet another stunning chapter.

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Thanks!

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It was.. creepy for lack of a better word in the Jennifer/Nene scene.

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I'm glad to see that I succeeded there; but I've already covered my intentions in another message, so I won't repeat myself here.

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Also like all good stories the ending leaves me wanting more.

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I'll admit it, I love a good cliffhanger. So much so I sometimes have trouble stopping at places without one. Almost from the very first incarnation of the story outline, I set up cliffhanger endings for virtually every chapter. Not all of them made it in, and the way some of the chapters split and grew (for instance, 12, 13 and 14 were all originally outlined as parts of a single chapter!) mutated the plan a little. But overall I've managed to hit almost every ending sentence I intended on using.

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I'm looking forward to the scene where Doug wakes up and tries to puzzel out what "went wrong" with the boomers at the end there.

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Oh, Doug knows what "went wrong" -- he in fact talks at length earlier in the chapter about anticipating it. It was just a lot more severe than he expected.

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Like some of the others I noticed a few minor typoes and I'll pass them along when I do a reread if they havn't turned up by then.

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Fair enough. Thanks.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Star Ranger4]

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I have to admit I'm curious. What did you think was going to happen?

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I think I mentioned it over on the Quincy topic. Shortest form, Doug gets drug into Quincy's office, instantly recognises him and blurts out "YOU!" at which point we're left hanging on the edge of that cliff till chapter 15 is ready."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[Ace Dreamer]

OK...
Pretty good. [understatement mode]
While reading it, I didn't see any typos, but, then I might have been too caught up in the story! I will have to re-read, in more of a proof-reading mode. [grin]
Just goes to show, "Diamonds are a Loon's best friend!".
--
"It is the business of the future to be dangerous" - Hawkwind

[Jeanne Hedge]

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Wow, fast work, Jeanne! Thanks!

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You're quite welcome.
Things always tend to get done quicker when one of the mods is keeping an eye out for a particular fic. Therefore, you and your "four more days" are partially to "blame" too
Regards,
Jeanne Hedge
http://www.jhedge.com

[Jeanne Hedge]

I was wondering what was going to come of the diamond in Lisa's keeping
I've told you privately before, I do tend to gravitate toward the quieter moments. My favorite of those in this chapter was the conversation between Linna and Sylia near the end. Sylia certainly must have been feeling low to be that forthcoming in that setting ("sister" or not).
Nicely done, sir.

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Jeanne Hedge
www.jhedge.com

[classicdrogn]

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Anyone want to make bets on what the first word of the next chapter will be?

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Discounting titles and whatnot, I'm going to go with some variation on "Bwah?" inclusive of 'what' 'why' 'oro' and 'yerwot.'
- CD, who could see Priss as a Kenshin fan, or maybe Nene depending on whether they were paying more attention to his serious or silly sides
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Loki Laufeyjarson]

Great Chapter!
I was going to complain that it was so short, but I guess it just seemed that way.
Doug's discovery of Sylvia's identity was a bit hard to swallow for my taste. Maybe some mentioning of other circumstantial evidence or even some sort of intuiton would make it easier. He cartainly had much more information on Priss then on Sylvia.
The other thing that struck me is the value of the diamond he left with lisa for payment. Leaving out the whole rant, about how diamonds are artificially kept overvalued and how it is almost impossible to sell a diamond for even a small fraction of the price you bought it for in our world. How is the value of the diamond affected by things like nano-facs couldn't you just make a load of diamonds the same way you make engine parts or boomer-disguises? Is the stuff Doug made at his jobs for personal use far more expensive then we have been let to belive or are there some technical problems that make it impossible to manufacture gemstones with them?
It will be interesting to see how the boomer-liberty thing spreads now that the genie is out of the bottle; especially how it interacts with other boomer models like Jennifer who already is rather free. The revelation about Sylvia's status at this point opens the possibility that she might be affected, too.
I also hope Lisa has some good explanations ready about how she did not reveal the Sabers secrets to Doug and how it really is just a coincidence that he entrusted the task of finding the Knight-Sabers to someone who actually knew them.
All in all I can't wait to read how this all plays out.

[Aleh]

My response? Overall, good chapter, but you left us with one *HELL* of a cliffhanger, Bob.
By the way, in regard to your earlier comments... what word?-------------------
*No,* Sachiel replied.
*Aww, come on,* I answered.
*Absolutely not,* he insisted.
*What's so bad about my idea?*
*While I have no problem with withdrawing and allowing you to handle the situation, I have... issues with your plan to tell the Lillim that you are the "3.14th Angel, Auwhotda'ell".*

[Valles]

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- CD, who could see Priss as a Kenshin fan, or maybe Nene depending on whether they were paying more attention to his serious or silly sides

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Actually, I can see that as a spamfic.
Scene: Sabers in the van, prepping for a mission.
Linna says something off-color and Nene blinks and goes "Oro!" Priss stares at her for a second, then busts out a Sano impression. While Nene's getting over the shock of sharing a favored series with -Priss-, of all the possible people, Linna just staaaaaaaares... Once Nene recovers, she and Priss spend the rest of the mission prep and deployment trading references and in-jokes, and answering Linna's every request for an explanation with, "Nothing to worry about, Tae." (Sylia's Aoshi, Largo was Shishio, Sylvie and Anri as Tomoe and Enishi, respectively...)
Sylia, as far as any of the others can tell, is using her usual impassive act to conceal the fact that she's just as in the dark as Linna is...
Only, as the last line of the 'fic, instead of "Knight Sabers, SANJOU!" she says...
Heh. Guess.
Blessed be.
-n
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[Ace Dreamer]

OK. Have re-read now. Comments:
Doug takes a copy of the source of an anonymous delayed-mail server, to take home with him, but later on he makes clear that the differences between two nano-CAD programming languages means that even with a converter, there is a lot of hand-tuneing to do. These two might not be considered completely consistent.
> I don't know; in retrospect, those lyrics should have gotten me
> depressed again, but somehow, they didn't. Instead, I felt...
> well, I guess "hope" is the best word. I had a solution cooking
> for charge the Three made of me.
The final sentence needs work.
Kilroy uses the name 'Doug', whereas everyone else at IDEC uses 'Craig'; was this intentional?
--
"It is the business of the future to be dangerous" - Hawkwind

[Loki Laufeyjarson]

Doug takes a copy of the source of an anonymous delayed-mail server, to take home with him, but later on he makes clear that the differences between two nano-CAD programming languages means that even with a converter, there is a lot of hand-tuneing to do. These two might not be considered completely consistent.

The nano-cad stuff would be highly specialized propertiery stuff, that if I judge Genom right was probably written to be incompatible on purpose. The stuff Doug wants to take home was written by " libertarian/anarchist programmers" who persumably would use a common standard programming language with lots of open standards for running on lots of different systems. The technological evolution between his home-world an BGC-verse appears to be remarkably similar, so that the programming language and the platform it was written for should also exist in doug's home. The only problem I can see is that BGC is sort of in the future and that it might be written for versions that don't exist yet in the Warrior's World. But the remailer could very well be the kind of thing that was written once a long time ago and was merly updated over the years without destroying compatability with legacy systems.

[Ace Dreamer]

I agree with all of that, but from the point of view of a reader without an in-depth knowledge of computers (which _shouldn't_ be necessary to read DW [grin] ), there might be a perceived inconsistency.
As for BGC world development, if the 'anarchist' app makes use of databases and encryption, say, which I could believe it doing, the chance of matching up with WW tech might be an awful lot lower.
But, I just thought it might be a point worth commenting on.
--
"It is the business of the future to be dangerous" - Hawkwind

[Ebony]

Nicely done, Bob. I really couldn't find anything wrong with it on the first read. I caught up with what Jennifer was about a minute or two before the denouement (not the shortest time for the realization; that goes to one of the best "Holy Sh*t" moments in cinema, when Hannibal Lector pulls the other guy's face off of his in the ambulance in "Silence of the Lambs." That one caught up to me literally as the scene changed.). Looking forward to the final chapter. It'll be, to paraphrase the Bunny, a lulu.
Oh, and "Wake up; time to die!" was said by Brion James, or Leon, in "Blade Runner," not Rutger Hauer. He also said, "Nothing is worse than an itch that you cannot scratch," which goes in my book as one of the best combat nonsequiturs in cinema. Both lines are said during James' "Beat Harrison Ford Senseless" scene, before Sean Young blows his brains out.
Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

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Only, as the last line of the 'fic, instead of "Knight Sabers, SANJOU!" she says...
Heh. Guess.
Blessed be.
-n

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Either...
"Kenshingumi, SANJOU!"
or...
"Aku... Soku... ZAN!"
--Sam Ashley
"He beat up ten ninjas with a loaf of french bread!"

[Valles]

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"Aku... Soku... ZAN!"

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Bingo. Heheheh.
Blessed be.
-n
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[Bob Schroeck]

I owe replies, but I'm not up to the mental effort. Please excuse me... it might be a couple days before I'm back up to speed.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Logan Darklighter]

I dunno if it'd be that complicated.
On first read, actually, I thought he was grabbing a copy of a USENET NNTP server!
And - especially given the comment on libertarian/anarchist programmers - it's probably open-source and written in C/C++ or something similar. Enough that Doug won't have much trouble converting it to something useful at home.

[Bob Schroeck]

(As I start to catch up on the old messages...)
Star Ranger said:

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I think I mentioned it over on the Quincy topic. Shortest form, Doug gets drug into Quincy's office, instantly recognises him and blurts out "YOU!" at which point we're left hanging on the edge of that cliff till chapter 15 is ready.

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Ah, right. Nope, nope, nope, I picked a different cliff to hang you all off of.
I want to comment on the obviously-inevitable Quincy-Doug scene, but every time I frame something to say, I realize that it's either uselessly vague or too much of a giveaway. Sorry...


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

Ace Dreamer said:

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Pretty good. [understatement mode]

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Thanks! And don't worry about the typos; there's an army of people out there already happy to find them for me.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

Jeanne Hedge wrote:

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I was wondering what was going to come of the diamond in Lisa's keeping

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You didn't think I'd specifically mention it a couple times in the last few chapters if it weren't going to show up again, now do you?

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My favorite of those in this chapter was the conversation between Linna and Sylia near the end. Sylia certainly must have been feeling low to be that forthcoming in that setting ("sister" or not).

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Some of that, yes. She's not at the lowest point in her life -- in fact, resolving the Jennifer situation is a big emotional plus for her -- but she has her guard down, which doesn't happen very often. Her guard's down, she's feeling close to the others (despite her typical physical standoffishness), and the whole framing of the Jennifer affair has left her -- at that moment -- with a low tolerance for lies and lies-by-omission. Linna got her at just the right time; five or ten minutes either way and Sylia would have been her same old self, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

Loki L wrote:

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I was going to complain that it was so short, but I guess it just seemed that way.

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At 160K or so, it's one of the longer ones, in fact.

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Doug's discovery of Sylvia's identity was a bit hard to swallow for my taste. Maybe some mentioning of other circumstantial evidence or even some sort of intuiton would make it easier. He cartainly had much more information on Priss then on Sylvia.

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That he did, but it was as much the moment as the evidence. Doug did not assemble Sylia's identity out of the information at hand so much as have a flash of intuition that he then confirmed to his own satisfaction. Yes, he has more than enough to ID Priss -- her comments about bootlegging music, seeing her perform, some of Lisa's offhanded comments, and of course the com chatter transcripts. In a different context, with a different stimulus, he could certainly assemble that into a guess at a specific person, even though he wouldn't know her name. Discovering Lisa's connection to the Sabers would provide the final link such that an epiphany isn't even necessary. And if I decide to work it into a specific scene that's already written, maybe he will figure that out. I don't know yet.

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The other thing that struck me is the value of the diamond he left with lisa for payment.

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Let me just say two things: I know the history of the diamond cartel, and I've read Stephenson's The Diamond Age. Neither is true of Doug.
Now, there's another clue as to what the first word of the chapter will be.

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The revelation about Sylvia's status at this point opens the possibility that she might be affected, too.

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You're not the first to speculate on that. I'll point out that the neurophage technology that comprises her brain is very different from the boomer brain, and obviously lacks the GENOM after-market add-ons.
Any more would be telling.

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I also hope Lisa has some good explanations ready about how she did not reveal the Sabers secrets to Doug and how it really is just a coincidence that he entrusted the task of finding the Knight-Sabers to someone who actually knew them.

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She hasn't thought that far yet. Poor girl.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

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My response? Overall, good chapter, but you left us with one *HELL* of a cliffhanger, Bob.

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To quote Kevin Kline in The Pirates of Penzance, well, yes, that's the idea.

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By the way, in regard to your earlier comments... what word?

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I'm not going to say. Honestly, I thought it would be obvious, but as long as people are guessing, they're eagerly anticipating chapter 15. And that's a state I want people to be in.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

Ace Dreamer wrote:

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Doug takes a copy of the source of an anonymous delayed-mail server, to take home with him, but later on he makes clear that the differences between two nano-CAD programming languages means that even with a converter, there is a lot of hand-tuneing to do. These two might not be considered completely consistent.

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Actually, as Loki and others pointed out, there isn't really a conflict. The server source is written in whatever version of C/C++ is current in 2037; while it probably isn't statement-for-statement compatible with its WW equivalent, Doug won't have much of a problem making it work -- it's an open language, more or less, and he knows what the program is supposed to do.
In the case of the nanofac langauges, on the other hand, they're both proprietary codes -- and specialized for their particular task, which is to operate a fiendishly complex set of machinery capable of manipulating individual atoms -- a technology that Warriors' World doesn't quite have yet, except as isolated innovations and test cases. And yes, GENOM does take a page (hell, a whole chapter) from Microsoft's book and makes its stuff as different from other manufacturers' systems as possible, to maximize customer lock-in. There are nanofac standards, and GENOM pays lip service to them, the same way Microsoft pays lip service to various standards here and now.

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>I had a solution cooking for charge the Three made of me.
The final sentence needs work.

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Yes, it does, doesn't it? Missing words strike again -- my single worst problem when writing, caused by typing just a little slower than I think.
How about: "I had a solution cooking for the charge that the Three had made of me."?

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Kilroy uses the name 'Doug', whereas everyone else at IDEC uses 'Craig'; was this intentional?

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Nope. Mistake.
Thanks for the catches.

-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

Ace Dreamer wrote:

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As for BGC world development, if the 'anarchist' app makes use of databases and encryption, say, which I could believe it doing, the chance of matching up with WW tech might be an awful lot lower.

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Depends on whether the DB and crypto was natively coded or used an outside library -- and in the latter case, whether or not Doug could find the source for that library. If he couldn't, he could (and probably would) code his own substitute routines. (Or replace them with equivalent calls to libraries that he knew and/or had access to.)


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert

[Bob Schroeck]

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Nicely done, Bob. I really couldn't find anything wrong with it on the first read. I caught up with what Jennifer was about a minute or two before the denouement

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I'd been wondering if I'd overplayed my hand or not on that detail. Given that most people seem to have been caught by surprise, I'd say I didn't over-foreshadow it.

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Looking forward to the final chapter. It'll be, to paraphrase the Bunny, a lulu.

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I'm hoping everyone will think it lives up to the build up. But I can't help but get worried and second guess myself...

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Oh, and "Wake up; time to die!" was said by Brion James

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Thanks for the correction. I've made the revision to the concordance, but haven't posted it to the site yet.


-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert