Okay, this wasn't a fanfic but a short story published in some anthology I read in the late 80s to early 90s, though the tone of the story was pulp sci-fi that could have been written anytime from the rockets-and-ray-guns 50s boom on. In it, the crew of a ship are getting ready to return from a long patrol mission and are going through the checklist of ship's stores and equipment because they know the bean counters will demand that all the numbers match up. Using up or trading away any luxury items that might not be quite in line with regulations but "somehow" managed to wind up on board, swapping some "extra" spare parts for useless stuff that's still on the list due to bureaucratic inertia or politics, making sure the still is properly disassembled and the parts properly redistributed or disposed of, performance increasing work-arounds returned to spec, all that kind of thing.
Then, they run into a list item that no one in the compartment it's supposed to be in recognizes. They try talking to the signals department, 'cause that stuff is all over the ship, but no dice. They try life support, the same. They call up the captain and admit to the problem, but he's never heard of it either. I don't remember if they had some kind of library computer or microfiche or whatever, but if so, it was checked to no avail. Eventually, they figure if no one knows what it is anyway, they might as well invent something and try to bluff past it, so one of the electronics guys rigs up a pair of gravity sensors and a comparison circuit to measure the gradient between them, allegedly to ease navigation, they put a check-mark on the list and call it done.
Some time after the ship puts in, some official gets into flustered contact, demanding to know who came up with this device. Bluff check apparently failed, the skipper (I think?) begins to explain the real story, but is cut off and told they don't care about that, they want the schematics and operating notes, and why it wasn't reported earlier as it is fantastically useful.
I think the unknown inventory item turns out to have been some obtuse abbreviation for the official ship's dog, but might have that conflated with another story or version that starts much the same but is shorter, leaving out the bits about inventing a new device in favour of saying the "offog" (that one I remember well, having encountered it repeatedly while looking for the more involved yarn) broke up under drive strain while travelling around some gas giant and the remains disposed of, leading to a fleet-wide emergency order to put in to port while exactly how that happened is investigated, much to the crew's chagrin.
I may have asked about this before, for that matter. It comes to mind every few years and bugs me for a few days before I get sufficiently distracted again.
Then, they run into a list item that no one in the compartment it's supposed to be in recognizes. They try talking to the signals department, 'cause that stuff is all over the ship, but no dice. They try life support, the same. They call up the captain and admit to the problem, but he's never heard of it either. I don't remember if they had some kind of library computer or microfiche or whatever, but if so, it was checked to no avail. Eventually, they figure if no one knows what it is anyway, they might as well invent something and try to bluff past it, so one of the electronics guys rigs up a pair of gravity sensors and a comparison circuit to measure the gradient between them, allegedly to ease navigation, they put a check-mark on the list and call it done.
Some time after the ship puts in, some official gets into flustered contact, demanding to know who came up with this device. Bluff check apparently failed, the skipper (I think?) begins to explain the real story, but is cut off and told they don't care about that, they want the schematics and operating notes, and why it wasn't reported earlier as it is fantastically useful.
I think the unknown inventory item turns out to have been some obtuse abbreviation for the official ship's dog, but might have that conflated with another story or version that starts much the same but is shorter, leaving out the bits about inventing a new device in favour of saying the "offog" (that one I remember well, having encountered it repeatedly while looking for the more involved yarn) broke up under drive strain while travelling around some gas giant and the remains disposed of, leading to a fleet-wide emergency order to put in to port while exactly how that happened is investigated, much to the crew's chagrin.
I may have asked about this before, for that matter. It comes to mind every few years and bugs me for a few days before I get sufficiently distracted again.
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‎noli esse culus
‎noli esse culus