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Posted by: Bob Schroeck - 08-10-2006, 07:11 PM - Forum: Other People's Fanfiction
- Replies (29)
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...of the first section of my fic writer's guide. I haven't really implemented everyone's suggestions yet -- mainly because I haven't actually sat down and gone through them point by point -- but I think I hit most of the important ones.
Anyway, let me know what you all think.
Thanks!
I. GENERAL GUIDELINES1. Learn, and write in, reasonably proper English. This means spelling and grammar (more about both later), and on a larger scale, writing proper sentences, paragraphs and chapters. Understand -- I'm not talking about being able to write like a professional before you start. No. Some fan writers can and have done it, but it's not something one should expect of all fan writers, and certainly not in their first works. There's no shame in not being Hemingway, or even Tom Clancy, when you start. Not even Hemingway was Hemingway, at least in terms of his writing, when he first put pen to paper. *BUT* -- if you expect someone to read what you wrote, try to have at least a high school-level grasp of the language you're writing in. Some may accuse me of snobbery when I say this, but if you want your work to be widely enjoyed, and maybe even acclaimed someday, you *have* to have a minimum profciency in using your language of choice. I've seen authors claim that they don't need even that much because they're writing "for fun". Well, bunky, let me tell you that I'm *reading* for fun, and if trying to puzzle out what you're saying is too much work, it gets deleted. Quickly. Do you want that to be the fate of your story? Look at it this way: words are your tools. You *must* learn to use them properly if you are ever going to craft something worthwhile. Imagine two furnituremakers -- who will make the better chair? The one who chips away at the wood with a dull screwdriver and bangs nails in with a pair of pliers? Or the one with a router, lathe and woodcarver's blades, and the knowledge of how to use them properly? You don't need to be Chippendale, but you do need to know how to make something that's attractive and will bear the weight put on it. Just as an example, I know that many fanfiction authors are writing in a second language when they work in English. But you know something? Unless they say so, I often can't tell. That's because they frequently write English better than native speakers do. It's a rare case that one of them makes an error. I only wish the native speakers were as well- educated. Related to this rule is the next:2. Acquire writers' references, and consult them as needed. If you're planning on doing any reasonably large amount of writing -- be it for pleasure or profit -- it's a good idea to build up a set of reference books to help you with your craft. At the very least, you should have a good thesaurus and dictionary. Fortunately you can find inexpensive paperback editions just about everywhere, and even some hardcovers aren't too exorbitant. A style guide will help you avoid some of the more common but harder-to-detect errors a writer can make. (And you *will* make them, and continue to make them, no matter how good you get.) It will also guide you in crafting sentences that mean exactly what you want them to mean, instead of just coming close (or worse, looking like they do while missing the mark entirely). You don't need to adhere slavishly to its suggestions -- in fact, you probably shouldn't -- but when you're having trouble getting something to come out just the way you want it, a style guide can be an invaluable aid. I recommend Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style", which you can get at any bookstore (and, of course, on Amazon.com). There are others, like the Associated Press stylebook, but they tend to be primarily for journalists, while Strunk and White's is focused on more general use. If you're weak on English usage and grammar, supplement these with a good guide to structure and writing. I can't recommend Karen Elizabeth Gordon's books highly enough -- get "The Deluxe Transitive Vampire" and "The New Well-Tempered Sentence" (again, available just about everywhere). Not only are they spot-on guides to grammar and punctuation, respectively, they're a whole hell of a lot of fun to read. And there's a book called "Eats Shoots and Leaves" by Lynne Truss which is also very good. If you are hesitant to shell out $30 or more for reference books just to write fanfiction, you do have alternatives. Since reference works aren't big sellers and are frequently updated, you can often find them on the "severely discounted" tables in bookstores. Used book stores are also good places to look for copies at cut-rate prices, along with public library sell-offs. Don't worry about getting older editions; while the language is always evolving, the core elements are sufficiently constant that you'd have to buy a *really* old edition -- half a century or more -- to stumble onto something that's no longer relevant in modern usage. If you're so strapped that even buying at discount is out of the question, you can check these books out from (or just *at*) your local library. Or, if you're still a student, your English teacher/professor. You can also consult the Net; there are a number of good grammar/style sites, although you need to be careful about your choice of site -- if you can, get an independent opinion on how good it is before you start to rely on it. However, if you're really *serious* about writing, fan or otherwise, there's no excuse for not (eventually) getting your hands on your own set of references. It's like trying to be a mechanic without owning a set of good tools.3. Proofread and preread. Do it yourself, or recruit a friend. If you're lucky or determined, you might assemble a small circle of prereaders. For god's sake, don't trust spellchecker programs. They are notoriously *stupid*. Unlike a human reader, they have no sense of context, and will blithely miscorrect a bad spelling into the wrong word if you carelessly tell them "fix all" or the equivalent. They also *never* have every English word in them, and lacking them, can end up flagging and "fixing" a perfectly good and proper word that they don't recognize. A case in point: the built-in spellcheckers in a number of popular word processors do not know the word "genteel" (meaning "refined, well-bred, ladylike, gentlemanly") and will insist on turning it into either "gentle" ("delicate of touch") or "gentile" ("not Jewish"). Not exactly the kind of thing which helps the meaning of a well-crafted sentence, that. Make no mistake -- most spellcheckers are designed for *business* writing, and the words they know are biased in that direction. Don't let them get their hands on your work. Similarly, grammar checkers are not the be-all and end-all. They *are* somewhat better tools for the fiction writer than the spellchecker, but again, they tend to be business-oriented. Worse, they have no real way to allow for the less-stringent structure and flow that is necessary for fiction. Use a grammar checker if you want, but be prepared to wade through more false positives than you'd like. The only real solution for both is to manually eyeball your work. This is something that's problematic for most authors, as they have a tendency to read what they know they meant, and not what they actually wrote. Other eyes without preconceived notions about the content are the best way to go about this, although if you have the luxury to let a written piece lie fallow for a few days (or weeks) until you forget its contents, you can manage by yourself.4. Pick prereaders carefully. Once you have a chapter or a story out, it's easy to get (more) prereaders. If you're any good, almost everybody who liked your work will clamor to preread simply to get an advance look at your newest stuff. Be aware that these folks do not always make the best prereaders. While this is not a hard and fast rule, self- nominated prereaders run the risk of being (or turning into) "yes men" who always respond "it's great!" to any new material. This can make it hard for an author to grow in his skills, or to evaluate his growth. No pool of prereaders should be made up entirely of self- nominees. When assembling prereaders, *always* make sure you ask some folks who have given you more than just praise. Anyone who's ever told you something was broken will make a good prereader. Likewise anyone who's spent the time to tell you how your writing made them *feel* or react -- prereaders like this can be especially invaluable. And if you can actually recruit someone who is uninterested in your subject matter, story, or fandom entirely, even better -- they won't be biased by their own enthusiasm when trying to evaluate your writing. Finally, when selecting prereaders make sure they know that you want more feedback from them than just spelling and grammar errors. Encourage them to find weaknesses in your story, like plot holes and places where your characters are acting like idiots for no good reason except that the plot demands that they do. You'll profit from it in the long run. 5. Pay attention to what your prereaders say. Especially if they say things like, "why does this happen?" or "this doesn't make sense". Ideally, your prereaders are representative of your greater audience, and if they're more frustrated or confused by a story than entertained and intrigued, that's indicative of problems with your approach. Listen to them, and fix as needed. Sometimes that fix will have to be drastic:6. Don't be wedded to your text. Nothing you've written is graven in stone. Nothing is so perfect that it can't be revised or even thrown out. Do not get so attached to a passage that you cannot ruthlessly cut it out of the story if needed. And be prepared to rip your entire story down to the foundations and start it over if that's what the prereaders suggest. It'll be painful, and you won't want to do it, but nine times out of ten, it'll be the right thing to do, and you'll end up with a much better story, one that gives *you* more satisfaction during the writing.7. But don't throw away your deletions. Nothing says you can't save those scraps and recycle them, though. For each of my writing projects, I have a "discards" file. Anything more than a sentence long that gets cut goes in that file for potential reuse elsewhere -- and I *have* found ways to reuse things. This is the best way to preserve that turn of phrase or clever scene that you're so proud of, but which just didn't work in the place where you first wrote it. Plus, if you know the material won't be lost forever, it's easier to make drastic cuts when they're needed. 8. When in doubt, look it up. In the era of the Internet, there is no reason to make a dumb mistake of fact. Between Google and Wikipedia alone, there is absolutely no excuse for errors born out of ignorance. Series canon for virtually everything is thoroughly documented online these days, unlike (for instance) the Dark Ages of anime in the middle 1990s and earlier. Web-based language dictionaries are reasonably good and mostly easy to use. It will take maybe five minutes to confirm or correct most details about which you are unsure. Take that time. Newbie readers will thank you, and old hands will respect you. And every once in a while you'll find something utterly cool that no one has ever used before. Expanding on this: 9. Know your source material This one may seem painfully obvious, but a distressingly large number of writers ignore it: If you're into a particular book, movie or TV show enough to want to write your own stories about it, then for god's sake care enough to make sure you get the established details right. And I'm not talking just about knowing that Character A's house is exactly 2.5 blocks from Character B's, and I don't mean the kind of things that change when you create an alternate universe -- I'm talking about stuff as basic as *names*. I cannot tell you how many fics I've seen over the years where a writer simply didn't care enough to make sure he had the names of a show or book's *main characters* spelled right. I can almost excuse this for anime fanfiction -- trying to work with names in one of the languages most foreign to English speakers can be daunting at first. But there is no excuse for misspelling names in *English*. I swear I will hunt down and kill the next person I find misspelling "Delores Umbridge" as "Dolorous". (Even though, to be fair, that particular misspelling does show a creative combination of scholarship and laziness...) In any case, this is a *major* red flag for me as a reader -- if I see that misspelling names is endemic, the story goes into the circular file. To a limited degree, over-Americanizing Japanese settings comes under this heading. This is sometimes unavoidable, especially with anime that has been heavily "adapted" for Western audiences. But if you have a clearly Asian setting, it behooves you as a writer to be at least passingly familiar with those Asian customs, mores and behaviors relevant to the story you want to tell. By extension, don't write fanfic about a show or setting if you've never actually seen/read it. I can't express just how bad the results will be in the eyes of people who know the source material. You may get readers and even fans among others who have no exposure to the original, but you will earn no points with those familiar with it. Just don't do it. If you like the idea of a series, movie or book enough that you want to write fic for it, you owe it to yourself to actually experience the original. Related to this is:10. Don't Arbitrarily Violate Canon For Your Convenience. Unless you have a damned good story reason for not doing so, you should adhere as close to a setting's canon as possible. "Canon" here means any and all details -- including time, place and characterization -- firmly established by the creator of a setting, either within the primary source, or by way of a secondary one (interview, commentary, etc.). Except in the case of the "Unicorn In The Garden" rule (see below), do not blatantly violate canon -- especially not just to satisfy a whim, or to save yourself effort or time in research. I can't count how many Harry Potter fics I've read with an author's note that had words to the effect of "I don't care if Rowling says the stories start in 1991 -- I'm putting it in 2006 because I want to." Or "Ranma" fics where Nabiki has internet access on her laptop. (See "The Eternal Now", below.) This is lazy, sloppy writing. It dilutes the core setting, whose unique attributes and flavor are presumably why you're chosing to write fanfic there in the first place. If the setting has that much appeal for you, why in hell would you want to make random changes to it that don't have anything to do with the needs of your story? Surely it wouldn't be a terrible chore to reread or rewatch as needed to get a key bit of information right. Related to this point and its predecessor is the next:11. Avoid fanon. Fanon, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, is the accumulated body of fan-created detail that fills holes left by the creator(s) in a series or setting. It contrasts with (but tries to complement) canon. For example, the name of the late Mrs. Tendo in "Ranma 1/2" is never given in any official source, but somewhere around 1998, many writers on the FFML gradually standardized on "Kimiko". The problem with fanon is that for a newcomer to a fandom, it can be almost impossible to distinguish from canon at first. It can take years to shake off all the accumulated "details" that fanon can saddle a newcomer with. It also saddles you as a writer with a horde of details that were created by other fan writers for *their* creations, and which may not be right for *your* story. Resist the urge to fall back on fanon, even (or especially!) when it fills a known hole in your fictional setting of choice. Fanon is never unavoidable -- and making up your own detail from scratch will sometimes lead you into profitable new areas of exploration.12. Don't disguise original fiction as fanfiction. Some observers/readers might phrase this as "don't make the characters so unlike themselves that they're different people with the same names". Either way you look at it, it's a complete puzzle to me. If you're writing fanfiction, you're celebrating the source material. Why choose to change it so radically that it's unrecognizable? Conversely, if you have a good and compelling story idea that is so radically different from the original setting, why feel constrained to turn it into fanfiction? A good example of this would be the acclaimed "Ranma 1/2" fic "Ten", by "Richard E" (ten.waxwolf.com/). This is an amazing story demonstrating outstanding literary skill ... but it has absolutely no reason to be a Ranma fic. None of the Ranma characters really act like him or herself here, their backgrounds are so radically different that it's hard to justify even as an "elseworld", and there's really nothing here that anchors the story to the "canon" Ranma world. (Just as one example: Ryoga as a lame, intellectual scientist. Huh???) If you're writing something so radically altered, you might as well take that last step, use new names, and call it original fiction.13. Write for yourself as well as your readers. Or, to put it differently, you are one of your readers -- don't forget you're writing for your own enjoyment.14. Write for your readers as well as yourself. However, don't get so wrapped up in writing for yourself that you forget you have other people in your audience. This is what causes the worst Self Insertion fics -- when the author gets so caught up in his self-indulgent ego trip that he forgets that other people are going to read this, and want to see more than chapter 135 of "L33TWr1T3R Conquerz Teh Wurld"!15. Don't blackmail your readers. Don't *demand* reviews, or C&C, or whatever your outlet of choice calls reader response, and by the gods do not threaten to stop writing if you don't get any. If you're not getting reviews, or not getting *positive* reviews, there's a *reason*, and a puerile threat to stop writing won't do much good. It might even *reward* some of the people who give you bad reviews. Just write. Yes, you want people to enjoy your work, but nothing is enjoyed by *everybody*. Besides, the work itself should be as much reward as the response. If it's not, you're doing something wrong.16. Grow a thick skin. Related to the above point is how you respond to criticism. Every writer gets bad reviews. I've had them, Stephen King gets them, Hemingway got them, hell, even Shakespeare got heckled in print and in person. There's always somebody who's going to hate your work, no matter how good it is. DON'T LET HIM CHASE YOU AWAY FROM WRITING, BECAUSE THAT WAY HE WINS. Remember that you are writing as much to please yourself as your readers, so don't let someone's abuse make you stop doing something you enjoy. The anime fanfiction community has already lost a couple fair-to-good writers (who both had the potential to be truly great) because they let negative comments get too deeply under their skins; we don't need to lose more.17. Know when to break the rules. Remember that the guidelines here and below are simply that -- *guidelines*. Sufficiently skilled writers can ignore them and make it work. But even the best violate only one or two at a time: like an unexpected dash of spice in a familiar dish, breaking a rule can add a powerful twist or impact to a story. But breaking too many is like dumping the contents of the spice cabinet into a meal in the hopes that it will improve. It won't. A skilled writer will choose his broken rules carefully and for special reasons, if he chooses to break any at all. And until you understand almost instinctively what you can achieve by ignoring these guidelines, it's better if you adhere to them closely.
-- Bob
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...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...
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| Blanket Permission |
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Posted by: Bob Schroeck - 08-10-2006, 02:22 PM - Forum: The Legendary
- Replies (38)
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Anyone who wants to use Evangelia or any other of my COH characterers in a COH story, consider yourselves given automatic permission. Just drop me a note and let me know, okay?
-- Bob
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...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...
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| Doug's Arsenal - Alphabetical Order |
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Posted by: robkelk - 08-10-2006, 01:56 AM - Forum: The Game Everyone Loves To Play
- Replies (4)
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Just to keep things straight in my writing, I've been maintaining a list of the songs that Doug can use for powers. I started with the list that Bob posted here quite a while ago, and have added songs that have shown up in official Steps, songs that have shown up in Staggers and that Bob didn't disallow, and songs that Bob's smiled upon in The Game...
This copy of the list is in alphabetical order by song title, and was last updated on 27 July 2007.
99 Red Balloons (English re-write), Gabriela "Nena" Kerner. (Offensive)
AC/DC, from Starlight Express. (Simulacra)
Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2, Pink Floyd. (Mixed)
Another One Bites The Dust, Queen. (Offensive)
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better, Ethel Merman. (Miscellaneous)
Aquarius, the cast of the motion picture Hair (Milos Forman, dir., 1979). (Mind and Emotion Control)
Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone, Ray Stevens. (Simulacra)
Ballroom Blitz, Sweet. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Bananaphone, Raffi. (Just Plain Weird)
Bark at the Moon, Ozzy Osbourne. (Simulacra)
Beat It, Michael Jackson. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden. (Defensive)
Blinded By The Light, Bruce Springsteen. (Offensive)
Blue, Eiffel 65. (Just Plain Weird)
Boom, P.O.D. (Offensive)
Break My Stride, Matthew Wilder. (Just Plain Weird)
Break On Through (To The Other Side), The Doors. (Miscellaneous)
Brilliant Road to Tomorrow, angela. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Bulletproof, Blue Rodeo. (Just Plain Weird)
Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. (Miscellaneous)
Cars, Gary Numan. (Mixed)
Celebration, Kool and the Gang. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Centerfield, John Fogerty. (Just Plain Weird)
The Chain, Fleetwood Mac. (Just Plain Weird)
Cheap Sunglasses, ZZ Top. (Healing)
Chickasaw Mountain, Leslie Fish. (Miscellaneous)
Cigareets and Whuskey and Wild, Wild Women, The Wilburn Brothers. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Come Fly With Me, Frank Sinatra. (Transportation)
Comedy Tonight, the cast of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Country Pie, Bob Dylan. (Miscellaneous)
Dead Heart In A Dead World, Nevermore. (Off-Limits)
Die Another Day, Madonna. (Healing)
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood, The Animals. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Don't Stop Me Now, Queen. (Transportation; Called Supersonic Man in DWII and BSBW.)
Dude Looks like a Lady, Aerosmith. (Just Plain Weird)
Dust in the Wind, Kansas. (Offensive)
Electric Eye, Judas Priest. (Sensory/Communication)
Elvis Is Everywhere, Mojo Nixon. (Just Plain Weird)
Enter Sandman, Metallica. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, The Police. (Simulacra)
Everybody Wants To Be A Cat, Phil Harris. (Transformations)
Everyone Has AIDS, from Team America. (Off-Limits)
Eye in the Sky, Alan Parsons Project. (Sensory/Communication)
Eye of the Tiger, Survivor. (Transformations)
Filter, Assembly of Dust. (Knowledge)
Fire, Arthur Brown. (Offensive)
Fire and Ice, Pat Benatar. (Offensive)
Firing Line, Gossamer Axe. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Flamethrower, J. Geils Band. (Simulacra)
Fly Like An Eagle, Steve Miller Band. (Transportation)
(Nothing But) Flowers, Talking Heads. (Just Plain Weird)
The Flu Pandemic, The Flying Fish Sailors. (Off-Limits)
Freewill, Rush. (Defensive)
Freeze-Frame, J. Geils Band. (Just Plain Weird)
Friends of Mr. Cairo, Jon and Vangelis. (Offensive)
Frosty The Snowman, (unknown). (Simulacra)
Get Rich Quick, Richard ("Little Richard") Penniman. (Miscellaneous)
Good Morning Good Morning, The Beatles. (Miscellaneous)
Good Morning Starshine, Donovan. (Just Plain Weird)
gravity, Maaya Sakamoto. (Gate)
Hair, the cast of the motion picture Hair (Milos Forman, dir., 1979). (Just Plain Weird)
Hakuna Matata, from the Lion King soundtrack. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Hardware Store, "Weird Al" Yankovic. (Miscellaneous)
Hazy Shade of Winter, The Bangles. (Mixed)
Hazy Shade of Winter, Simon and Garfunkel. (Just Plain Weird)
Help!, The Beatles. (Transportation)
Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles. (Offensive)
Hey Man Nice Shot, Filter. (Offensive)
Highway Star, Deep Purple. (Transportation)
Homeward Bound, Simon and Garfunkel. (Transportation)
Hoplessly Human, Kansas. (Just Plain Weird)
House at Pooh Corner, Kenny Loggins. (Gate)
I Am a Rock, Simon and Garfunkle. (Mind and Emotion Control)
I Am the One and Only, Chesney Hawks. (Miscellaneous)
I Am The Slime, Frank Zappa. (Mind and Emotion Control)
I Am The Walrus, The Beatles. (Just Plain Weird)
I Am Woman, Helen Reddy. (Transformations)
I Can See For Miles, The Who. (Sensory/Communication)
I Can't Drive 55, Sammy Hagar. (Miscellaneous)
I Live In A Split Level Head, Napoleon XIV. (Simulacra)
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2. (Gate)
I Think I'm A Clone Now, "Weird Al" Yankovic. (Transformations)
I Want Quiet!, Dot Warner. (Just Plain Weird)
I Will Follow Him, Peggy March. (Just Plain Weird)
I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor. (Defensive)
I'll Play For You, Seals and Crofts. (Metasongs)
I'm A Pioneer (English re-write), Sharyn Scott. (Transportation)
I'm Alive, Electric Light Orchestra. (Healing)
I've Got You Under My Skin, Frank Sinatra. (Just Plain Weird)
In a Big Country, Big Country. (Healing)
In the Air Tonight, Phil Collins. (Knowledge)
Invisible Touch, Genesis. (Empowerment)
It's All Been Done, Barenaked Ladies. (Knowledge)
It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Pandora's Box. (Healing)
It's Raining Men, The Weather Girls. (Miscellaneous)
Jesus He Knows Me, Genesis. (Off-Limits)
Joyful, Joyful / Ode to Joy, from Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Soundtrack of Sister Act II. (Miscellaneous)
Knock on Wood, written by Eddie Floyd and Steve Cropper. (Simulacra)
Kodachrome, Paul Simon. (Just Plain Weird)
Konya wa Hurricane, Kinuko Ohmori. (Weather Control)
The Laughing Gnome, David Bowie. (Simulacra)
Let The Anvils Ring!, (unknown), from Animaniacs. (Just Plain Weird)
Light My Fire, The Doors. (Offensive)
Light My Fire, Jose Feliciano. (Empowerment)
Lightning's Hand, Kansas. (Offensive)
Little Old Lady from Pasedena, Jan and Dean. (Transportation)
Lovecats, The Cure. (Mixed)
Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds, The Beatles. (Just Plain Weird)
Made of Metal, Dream Evil. (Transformations)
Magic Bus, The Who. (Transportation)
Magic Carpet Ride, Steppenwolf. (Transportation)
Magic Man, Heart. (Simulacra)
Mandelbrot Set, Jonathan Coultan. (Miscellaneous)
Maxwell's Silver Hammer, The Beatles. (Offensive)
Men in Black, Will Smith. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Message In A Bottle, The Police. (Sensory/Communication)
Mister Sandman, The Chordettes. (Just Plain Weird)
Montage, from Team America. (Just Plain Weird)
Move Your Dead Bones, Dr. Reanimator. (Just Plain Weird)
Mr. Pinstripe Suit, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. (Simulacra)
Nahr Al-Kalb, Andrea Dale. (Simulacra)
Nowhere Man, The Beatles. (Just Plain Weird)
On The Dark Side, John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. (Simulacra)
On the Road Again, Willie Nelson. (Gate)
Operation: Desert Storm, Tom Smith. (Miscellaneous)
One Night in Bangkok, Murray Head. (Offensive)
Ordinary World, Duran Duran. (Just Plain Weird)
Over the Top, Miki Matsubara. (Miscellaneous)
Pennies from Heaven, (unknown). (Just Plain Weird)
Piece of Crap, Neil Young. (Off-Limits)
Pinball Wizard, The Who. (Offensive)
Pioneers, Bloc Party. (Miscellaneous)
Play That Song Again, Joan Jett, Ricky Bird, & Frank Carillo. (Metasongs)
Point of Know Return, Kansas. (Gate)
Pressure, Billy Joel. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Pressure Washer, The Arrogant Worms. (Offensive)
Pulled Up, the Talking Heads. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Raining Again, Moby. (Weather Control)
Ray of Light, Madonna. (Transportation)
Respect, Aretha Franklin. (Mind & Emotion Control)
Rhiannon, Fleetwood Mac. (Simulacra)
Rubber Band Man, The Spinners. (Transformations)
Rubberband Girl, Kate Bush. (Empowerment)
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, (unknown). (Simulacra)
The Rye or The Kaiser (Theme From Rocky XIII), "Weird Al" Yankovic. (Just Plain Weird)
Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting), Elton John. (Offensive)
The Scientist, Coldplay. (Knowledge)
Seventy-Six Trombones, from The Music Man. (Simulacra)
Sharp Dressed Man, ZZ Top. (Simulacra)
(I'm So Hot For Her And) She's So Cold, Rolling Stones. (Empowerment)
Shout, Tears for Fears. (Offensive)
Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel. (Transformations)
Snare and Deadfall, Michael Longcor. (Miscellaneous)
Snow for Johnny, (unknown). (Weather Control)
Song of the Jellicles, from Cats. (Simulacra)
Southern Cross, Crosby Stills Nash & Young. (Transportation)
Spaceman, Bif Naked. (Transportation)
Spirits In the Material World, The Police. (Miscellaneous)
Stalin's Organs, GWAR. (Offensive)
Start a Fire, Tiger Lillies. (Offensive)
Steam, Peter Gabriel. (Offensive)
The Streak, Ray Stevens. (Just Plain Weird)
Stickers on Fruit, Nancy White. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Sunglasses At Night, Corey Hart. (Mixed)
Super Powers, Ookla the Mok. (Empowerment)
Sweet Dreams, Eurythmics. (Sensory/Communication)
Sweet Young Thing, the Monkees. (Simulacra)
Tainted Love, Soft Cell. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Take Me Out to the Ball Game, (one of any number of cover versions). (Gate)
Take Me To The Pilot, Elton John. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Talk to the Animals, (unknown). (Miscellaneous)
Taxi, Tom Chapin. (Transportation)
That's the Girl I've Been Telling You About, Blessed Union of Souls. (Simulacra)
These Dreams, Heart. (Miscellaneous)
This Corrosion, Sisters of Mercy. (Offensive)
Thriller, Michael Jackson. (Just Plain Weird)
Those Two Dreadful Children, Cruella DeVille. (Off-Limits)
Thunder Road, Bruce Springsteen. (Transportation)
Times Of Your Life, Paul Anka. (Knowledge)
TNT, AC/DC. (Offensive)
Tom Sawyer, Rush. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler. (Mind and Emotion Control)
The Trees, Rush. (Just Plain Weird)
Trigger Happy, "Weird Al" Yankovic. (Offensive)
Tubthumping, Chumbawumba. (Defensive)
Turn To Stone, ELO. (Transformations)
Turn It On Again, Genesis. (Knowledge)
Twist of Fate, Olivia Newton-John. (Healing)
Under My Thumb, Rolling Stones. (Mind and Emotion Control)
Venus, Shocking Blue. (Simulacra)
The Warrior, Scandal. (Transformations)
The Way, Fastball. (Gate)
We Didn't Start The Fire, Billy Joel. (Knowledge)
Weird Science, Oingo Boingo. (Just Plain Weird)
What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy), Information Society. (Sensory/Communication)
White Wedding, Billy Idol. (Offensive)
Who Made Who, AC/DC. (Knowledge)
Winter Wonderland, (unknown). (Just Plain Weird)
Witchy Woman, Eagles. (Simulacra)
With A Little Help From My Friends, Joe Cocker. (Simulacra)
Within You, Without You, The Beatles. (Knowledge)
Working My Way Back To You Babe, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. (Gate)
The World Is Stone, Cyndi Lauper. (Mind and Emotion Control)
You Got It, Roy Orbison. (Miscellaneous)
You Know My Name (Theme Song to Casino Royale), Chris Cornell. (Offensive)
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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| Dealing with the Orignials |
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Posted by: deadpan29 - 08-09-2006, 09:32 PM - Forum: Other People's Fanfiction
- Replies (6)
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As a voracious fanfiction reader, I have noticed that it has become somewhat harder for me to sit back and enjoy some of the original works on their own merits. Top of the list here would be Harry Potter, as I have read a number of post GoF or post OotP works that I found more enjoyable than what madam Rowling produced. However, that seems to be a somewhat common complaint in that specific case.
More generally, Im a particular fan of crossover fiction and over the last year or so I have been noticing that I cant seem to read or watch things and simply lose myself in the story as it is any more. There always seems to be a part of my brain envisioning how some other character or set of characters from another setting would deal with whats going on in the story. Most recently, I bought the second season of Rurouni Kenshin on DVD, and while I love it, every time the characters on screen start talking about god-like speed or abilities, my attention becomes diverted with thoughts of these people meeting characters who can show them what that term really means.
Does anyone else here have this problem? An inability to just take in the original work as is? Should I consider it a problem?
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.
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| Man of Metal |
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Posted by: HoagieOfDoom - 08-09-2006, 08:27 PM - Forum: The Game Everyone Loves To Play
- Replies (1)
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"Made of Metal" by Dream Evil
From Evilized
3:53
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
Can't bend what's made of metal
We're reinforced with steel
We never will surrender
We never kneel
It's true the sound of metal
Makes us invincible
No trends of fashions change
The way that I feel - Way that I feel
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are - We all are
Sure there's been lots of poseurs
Who've tried to break the chain
The chain that makes us brothers
They've tried but in vain
This thing is my religion
My soul, my blood, my life
I am so f***ing metal and so is my wife
I am his wife - shut up
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are - We all are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Made of metal, made of metal, made of metal
We are
Turns Doug and company (as well as Maggie, wherever/whenever she is) into pure, hard metal. They can still move about normally.
I can put this song up for temporary download; just let me know.*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org
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| I hate you, Potterbunny |
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Posted by: classicdrogn - 08-09-2006, 11:32 AM - Forum: Other People's Fanfiction
- Replies (12)
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Around Harry's fifth birthday I think, with the snake incident, Vernon didn't just get purple in the face, he had a heart attack and had to be resusicated (-tated? I can't rmember exactly). Anyway, in the wake of that and after some stern talking to's by his doctor, the Dursleys became "health nuts" - in the ways popular during the mid-80s, not anything abnormal you understand - eating the latest fad health food and using the latest fad excercise machines and taking the latest holistic herbal supplements, because it's natural you know - do that freak boy some good to have something natural in him, even if it's just those plants and things. No need to buy those expensive pre-made capsules, sugarplum, just get it in bulk and the boy can divide it up! See, even his freakish underdeveloped fram is filling un a bit with natural things, and just look at how strong and fit our Dudders is with all this healthy food and excercise!
So, yeah, health fad Dursleys. Except that neither Vernon nor Dudley really have the willpower to not eat all the same junk food as snacks that isn't part of their meals, not that Dudley ever tried, and the only one who does more than two sessions on any particular machine (even after they get relegated to the second carport of the garage rather than proudly displayed in the living room, when the next one comes along) is Harry, who gets assigned workouts to "sweat that freakishness out of you!" whenever something odd happens. Well, after finally being let out of the cupboard, that is.
So anyway, eleventh birthday, letters, shack, giant, Diagon... Harry can barely manage a few fitful sparks, even from the pheonix wand. Sorting, classes... he can haedly do magic at all, to the point that there's rumors Voldemort blasted the magic out of him as a baby and now he's nothing but a squib, who shouldn't even be in Hogwarts... the exception is that he's an ace for Potions. Drives Sniv right up tthe wall... the arrogant brat seems to have completely memorized the first year text, and a few extra besides, and regards it as just a continuation of the muggle herbalism he's been doing for years only with a few new ingredients, and blast the little snot it seems to WORK! PERFECTLY! Even the things that need a good strong magical field from the brewer to come out properly... it's enough to make his lips chafe from grinding his teeth!
So, Halloween, troll in the dungeons, bathroom... we've seen that this Harry is in pretty could shape, but now he's on an adrenaline rush, and... why is he glowing? Yes, distracted the troll from Ms. Bossy-britches, now what Harry? HARRY! YOU CAN'T JUST PUNCH--
krak-KRACK THWAMM!! pitterpatterthud-thud...
The first crack is a shockwave as his fist breaks the sound barrier., The second is a hydrostatic shock as his fist breaks half a dozen troll ribs. The "thwam" is the troll, as it breaks through the stone wall and impacts the far wall of the room beyond. The pitter patter is crumbling masonry falling out of the new hole. The first thud is the troll falling over as its body realises it needed those internal organs and stops working, the second is Harry, completely magically exhausted and nigh to death if he hadn't been promptly seen to.
Dumbledore explains, now, his suspiscions that something like this might be the case - an Adeptus hasn't been seen in centuries, but there it is, he's a mage who's powers have concentrated in his body rather than being amenable to most external use - indeed, one fo the noteable qualities of Adeptus wizards as recorded is an unusual degree of spell resistance, so perhaps it was inevitable that the only person to survive the killing curse would be one. (Normal wizards and witches are Magus type)
Looking forward - Basilisk? No problem. Dementors? Um... yeah. a potion or two to mitigate the psychological effects, but unless one of his freinds steps up to the Patronus plate there's going to be Scooby Doo meets Call of Ctulhu level running away. Dragon? Well, there won't be any spectacular charm and hence no broom, but Harry's plenty quick on his own, and dragonfire is magic, after all. Underwater adventures were beaten by herbology/potions in canon, no persperation there. Maze foll of critters, pfft, controlled Krum gets a sock to the jaw while chanting and waving his lil' stick, then... Voldie.
Here's the sticking point, because this Harry's first impulse is NEVER going to be to go for his wand in a fight, and even if he did he can barely manage utility chanrms so out-powering even a newly reborn Voldy is not an option, if thebrother wands effect happened at all... and reborn Voldie even after Peter's reports on the boy is probably not really beleiving the kind of physical fight he can put up, nor strong enough to resist himself much...
Would seeing their terrifying boss get schooled by a bare-chinned boy be enough to shock his minions into immobility? Would not at least Snape, expecting nothing but trouble from a Potter, be able to get off a curse that would break through the brat's resistance? (Don't even bother trying to tell me he's really a good guy, at the best he's looking out for himself first and siding with whoever will give him the most - and being shut of Potters is surely a fine incentive to him.)
From there of course things would be hopelessly changed from canon, not least in Harry being able to to tell Draco, when threatened with dire retribution upon the Dark Lord's inevitable victory, that "Voldemort's a ruddy wimp! My muggle cousin could put him out like a candle!" - because of course, even though he realises how much stronger he's gotten channeling magic through himself he doesn't really understand it emotionally, and Dudley's always been able to knock Harry around if he can catch him.
Ano... and Umbridge falls through a phantom step at the top of the Great Hall stairs and falls into a coma on her second day in Hogwarts, hurrying after becoming late for her own class berating him for running in the halls, or something, so some other slightly more competent person has to fill in for DADA - one of the aurors who's solidly a Fudge man, perhaps, or Weatherby, and even though his magic resistance helps some Harry still sucks hard at Occlumency so he's stil got the vision thing...
All my crystal ball shows is song lyrics now. Specifically, Vision Thing by Sisters of Mercy, which really isn't pertinent at this time. So, I guess I'll have to stop rambling on.
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
A kung-fu nun in a leather thong was no less extreme than anything else he had seen that day. - Rev. Dark's IST: Holy Sea World
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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| A Mary Sue Alphabet |
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Posted by: Happerry - 08-09-2006, 09:23 AM - Forum: Other People's Fanfiction
- Replies (4)
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A Mary Sue Alphabet
For Harry Potter
By Irony-Chan
A's for Amanda
Our hero's twin sister
Got lost as a baby
And gosh, how he missed her
He always suspected
He had a half lacking
He set off to find her
By magical tracking
So now they're together
And smiling a lot
Too bad that the story's
Got no trace of plot
-:-
B is for Bridget
Who's named for the author
She could have been subtle
But just didn't bother
Yet somehow I doubt
That the writer's a d-cup
Or sings like an angel
With nary a hiccup
Or doesn't need glasses
Or looks like a hottie
Or ever will earn
Her black belt in karate
-:-
C is for Clementine
Good on a broom
The fastest of flyers
Just look at her zoom!
The new school all-star
She aims like a dream
They haven't lost once yet
Since Clem made the team!
But the other side's jealous
And might not play fair
Will they cheat 'til she loses?
... does anyone care?
-:-
D's for Diana
Her story's a wreck!
With no sign of grammar
Or any spell-check
The readers sent email
To justly complain
But all of their efforts
Turned out to be vain
The author replied with:
"Who cares how it's written?
"It's only a fanfic!
"You're mean, and kick kittens!"
-:-
E is for Elwen
An elf in her glory!
Who seems unware
That she's in the wrong story
Like all of her people
She's comely and wise
The hardest heart melts
At her come-hither eyes
But how did she get here?
There aren't any clues
And the author won't tell
'Til she gets more reviews
-:-
F for Furiko
Who came from the East
Her father's a magical
Shrinekeeper priest
She brought her katana
And swings it with ease
And she'll say 'onegai'
Instead of just 'please'
Each chapter begins with
A guide to the phrases
And thanks the reviewers
For singing her praises
-:-
G is for Georgia
Likes watching TV
Replaying the movie
Upon DVD
'Til one day by magic
The screen opened wide
Before Georgia knew it
It sucked her inside!
Now she'll save the hero
By hook or by crook
She knows all the future
'Cause she's read the book
-:-
H starts the name
Of a girl called Heather
An element witch
Who can magic the weather
A sunshiny day
Means she's merry and glad
But thunder and snowstorms
Show up when she's mad
And should she be sleeping
And having strange dreams...
I suppose that might be why
It's raining sardines
-:-
I for Isolda
Who's nasty and mean
The worst evil sorceress
You've ever seen
The Dark Lord is naught but
Her grovelling bitch
No-one out-evils
This black little witch!
It runs in her family
Right down in her roots
But without a good beta
Her plots become ploots
-:-
J is for Janviere
Frozen and cold
A silent immortal
A thousand years old
Ever since she discovered
The Sorcerer's Stone
There have been none to love her
She wanders alone
Her tale is tragic
With no-one to tell
Where she hid the body
Of Nicolas Flamel
-:-
K is for Kimberly
Nothing but trouble
There's chaos a boiling
In her cauldron's bubble
The girl's a genius
Her pranks are the best!
But all of the teachers
They think she's a pest
Four times in a row
She's been kicked out of school
To let her in here
The headmaster's a fool
-:-
L for Lorraina
The heir to three thrones
She dresses in ballgowns
And wears precious stones
But deep in her heart
She's so royally lonely
She longs for a prince
To love her and her only
She wants to be treated
Like all other girls
Perhaps if she'd dump
The tiara and pearls
-:-
M is for Madysonne
Fresh from the states!
Like totally awesome
This chica, she rates!
She brought with her all of
Her favourite CD's
And might let you listen
If you just say please
She's spreading the music
As far as she can
And somehow I'm guessing
The author's a fan
-:-
N is for Naoko
In space she has dwelt
Her real name's Sailor
Asteroid Belt
A student by day
Vigilante by night
A short-skirted soldier
In crimson and white!
But what will she do when
Her secret's discovered?
Why, sex up the hero
And make him her lover!
-:-
O for Ophelia
The evil guy's daughter
Her life is so awful
Her tears flow like water
Her husband's been chosen
By father and mother
But her heart already
Belongs to another
Oh woe! And oh angst!
Yeah, it's piled on thick
And most of the readers
Are gonna be sick
-:-
P is for Paris
Just swimming in prose!
Her lips weren't pink only
They bloomed like a rose!
Like wheat in the sunshine
The gold of her hair
Her eyes, how they sparkled
As clear as the air!
Her skin was as white
As the robe of a saint
And it's that lack of iron
Keeps making her faint
-:-
Q is for Qing
She's the Chinese exchange
Her manners are foreign
Her habits are strange
She's odd and exotic
She dresses in silk
Eats rice for her breakfast
And never drinks milk
A stereotype walking
On feet bound up small
The author did clearly
No research at all
-:-
R for Rhiannon
Got brought up by a pack
Of wolves in the wild
One would think that she'd lack
For poise and good manners
But she's got 'em in spades
Perhaps that is how
Every she-wolf behaves
There's only one chapter
But quite clear to see
That poor helpless werewolf
Will get paired with she
-:-
S for Serena
Who changes her form
When she wants she can become
A white unicorn
Both tigers and eagles
Are shapes she can take
A big golden dragon
A small silver snake
A galloping mustang
A peacock of blue
The woman's a one-person
Portable zoo
-:-
T is for Tracey
The coolest of cool
Most popular chick
At her old wizard school
But here things are different
She's all but unseen
The others don't like her
And everyone's mean
It's all 'bout the in-crowd
And the reader infers
That in the end Trace
Will say vengeance is hers
-:-
U is for Umbra
Which isn't a name
But in the end really
There's worse stuff to blame:
Her surname is either
'MacKay' or 'MacBride'
The story says both
It can't seem to decide
That's about as much sense
As this fic ever makes
Especially since it lacks
Paragraph breaks
-:-
V for 'Virginia'
Who used to be canon
'Til one day along came
A writer named Shannon
Now Gin's into cutting
And punk-rocker bands
And writes poems 'bout the pain
That no-one understands
But her parents don't worry
To any degree
Because just like their daughter
They're both OOC
-:-
W stands for
One Wendover Sable
She started off Sue-some
Right out of the cradle
The poor foundling baby
Was given a home
By snobby, rich wizards
Brought her up like their own
And should any point out
That this ain't realistic
Just watch as the author
Goes fully ballistic
-:-
X is for Xanthe
Who isn't a Sue
Like any good character
She's got flaws, too
Her hair isn't curly!
Her nails she bites!
She's scared of the dark
When she turns out the lights!
So many things
That could get in the way...
But they'll never stop Xanthe
From saving the day
-:-
Y is for Yarrow
Who's better than teacher
At seeing tomorrow
In every small feature
In fact, she's so good
That she tutors the classes
And with her instructing
All students get passes
Yet when she predicts ruin
Woe is her - no one hears!
So much for the love
And respect of her peers
-:-
Z is for Zuli
Her name is Zuliekha
But she keeps it short 'cause
That's tough on the speaker
She sings and she dances!
She's mastered disguise!
She chit-chats with snakes!
She makes Julienne fries!
The reader is torn
Between laughter and gaping
Spoofs shouldn't be worse
Than the things that they're aping
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