Posted in chunks, because my PDA browser is teh suXXor.

My first time posting a lemon, please be gentle but firm!

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omit_ch01.txt

LEMONY GOODNESS WARNING: This story contains scenes of an explicit sexual nature, which at later stages will involve persons that have reached their majority
in their own culture, but not neccesarily in yours or mine. This is in no way intended to advocate underage sex. I am quite willing to advocate polyamorous
relationships and multiple and/or same-sex partners however, so if you find such things offensive it is strongly suggested that you immediately close this file
and read a different story.

REPEAT: Explicit material and 'non-standard' relationships follow. If you are below the age of consent in your region, please close the file now, or at
least take the heat gracefully when your mom catches you reading it. You have been warned, on your own head be it.

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2008-11-03 - file created to hold notes for an F.Kyuubi bunny

2008-11-04 - knocked out a few scenes

2008-11-05 - realised I'm at a good chapter break, moved outline notes to a new file, edited, and tagged on the usual end comments

A few notes before I begin - though framed as such, this isn't really a self insertion per se... that's just an excuse to have the changed character
acting so differently. The insert character has some of my skills but his mindset is composed of the attitudes I needed for the story rather than a precise
match for my own, and obviously if I thought magic worked like this in our own world I'd have tried it by now... without making the basic mistake of the
insert character in the story. A Mary Sue, that I'll cop to though I don't think it's too extreme, but not an actual SI. This is why the character
in question doesn't use my name, even before the transfer - it's not me. Heck, even when I did a really-truly SI for Fenspace I didn't use my real
name, and changed some attitudes to suit the story.

Also, I am a guy, and have written the female point of view with the help of considerable research and reference to things (coughporncough) written by females
(yes, it does exist - try literotica dot com, unless its vanished) ... or by people who claimed to be female on the internet, at least. If you are an actual
female and spot something that really needs to be changed in that regard, let me know. I promise, I'll do my best to oblige within the limits of the plot -
and those are wide limits, the actual PLOT has only a passing relationship with the creamy lemon filling. Sigh... everyone says "write what you know"
but what I don't know is so much more interesting.

YES DAMMIT, THERE IS A PLOT! I won't pretend to originality, but there's a plot and character development and everything. And only the unworthy get
mocked, like Cockaroachimaru, Uchiha Marinara, and Butt-pein. The sad thing is that Roachie is the most interesting of the bunch, and he was the first one to
get killed off... Maybe I'll bring in Killa B from the recent manga. He's awesome, or at least funny.

Finally, I will be insulting American beer, specifically Schlitz. I am an American and I will state for the record that the only thing close to the badness of
our beer is our tea - the latter is platable through the addition of unhealthy amounts of sugar, the former should be assayed only as a matter of
self-inflicted punishment. Espescially Schlitz. If you walk into a party and announce "I got a case of the Schlitz!" don't be surprized if people
treat you as if you'd left out the C and the L - the ones who aren't That Drunk (Yet) will hopefully know better than to try some, the ones who are
won't realise you didn't.

Right, shutting up now. WOOP WOOP WOOP, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

--==(OOO (O) OOO)==--

"Nihihihi!"

He couldn't help it. A boring, average life in a boring, average world... and he was about to escape! He knew he was giggling like a loon, but he just
couldn't help it.

"Everything set up? Philosopher's Stone, check, voodoo charms, check, plastic flamingo in a little upright bathtub, check!"

The Stone had been the hard part - looking up the pattern had been as simple as an internet search at the library, actually drawing it only mildly difficult
with proper drafting tools, but getting the needed metals and minerals was a bitch in the regulated modern world, espescially mercury. But for transmutation it
was one of the most powerful symbols in magic; sheer name recognition granted it belief energy even from people who didn't "believe in magic" or
who thought it was some kind of alchemical object instead of a magic circle design. To transmute himself to energy without losing control of it, mind, body,
and soul, and funnel it into the transmission array, the Stone was the only choice. All that was left now was the symbol of the destination, and he'd
replace the most powerful being in his new world, an exciting world of action, adventure, and really wild things! Even if he ended up in *her* instead of one
of the males, it wouldn't be too bad... half the world managed to survive being female every day, didn't they? And according to the literature, there
were good points as well...

(He wasn't quite clear on which character it would be, but one of the villains obviously... not that he'd be acting the part, popping up now and then
to give the good guys a hint or a hand and kicking back at the victory party sounded like a much better plan than inevitably half-assed "eee-vil.")

"Ow... Nihihihihi!" Momentary pain as he nicked a finger and smeared blood across his choice couldn't stop the bubbling elation, and then
everything was set. He spoke the words and tossed smouldering herbs over his head... he was already gone when they landed, and in the destination circle a
bloodstained copy of Naruto Volume 1 briefly glowed with power before crumbling into dust.

The trouble with magic is that it's fueled by belief, shaped by intent, and difficult to precisely predict... and none of the characters he'd thought
to replace actually appeared in Volume One. The most powerful regular who did, well...

The fox was frozen in place, a combination of shock and terror as a mere human summoned the God of Death himself to face her. Somehow, Shinigami's arm
reached into the blond insect's back and came out the belly of the human-larva he was carrying in a sling. Seeing the claw reach for her broke the
paralysis and she was about to flee, when everything seemed to flicker and spin, she was tripping, he was falling, something had caught him by, ow, an ear? A
pulling sensation, similar to when he'd cast the spell yet not, he was being dragged backards and the body was so strange he couldn't fight it -
something red was billowing all over the place and everything was spinning and fading whatinthewor...

A ragged cheer went up from the surviving defenders of Konoha as the massive demon fox was sucked into the jutsu Yondaime had used, at least until he toppled
over on Gamabunta's head a few seconds later.

Open Mouth, Insert... Tails?

a work of Naruto fanfiction

by

dialNforNinja

Original setting and characters property of Masahi Kishimoto and Shonen Jump

"... oog ... Damn, I feel like I got run over by a semi full of cheap American beer... Schlitz or something ..." His brain ached, and his body felt
like an alien thing. Thoughts of his bladder didn't report a need for relief, but given the dampness of his surroundings that was it's own kind of
worry. He'd never been THAT drunk before... did the spell fail, and he'd tried to drown his dissappointment?

Hang on a sec, there was something distinctly wrong about what he was feeling from the plumbing. Eyes still gummed shut, he flopped onto his side and tried to
check the package... his body still felt like an alien thing, and didn't want to respond, but whatever had been hurting near his ass stopped as he rolled
off of it. He flailed ineffectually for a second or two before relaxing and concentrating on having arms and legs in the proper places, and shuddered as a
strange tingle ran through him and the warm water on the floor increased from a thin damp layer to a few inches deep, curling and jerking his head out of it
with a sputter.

It was still dark as he forced his eyes open blearily, but at least his hands responded this time when he went to check the short arm.

"Huh?" No one was in front of him, he wasn't feeling up some random girl he'd woken up with... he groped again, and it wasn't just his
hand reporting contact.

*SHE* screamed in shock, flailing and splashing around until a facefull of water cut *HER* off, pushing *HER*self into a sitting position to cough it out, a
bouncing feeling from the chest just confirming what touch and slowly clearing sight had told *HER.*

"Okay... okay, I knew this could happen... it's not so bad, right? Half the human race is female every day, I can take it..."

*SHE* wrung the water out of her longish hair, then wiped it off *HER* shoulders and... boobs...

"That's right, a rack of my own... pretty good too... It won't be so bad, I can do this..."

A shudder ran through *HER* frame, setting *HER* newest frontal feature jiggling.

"NO I CAN'T NO I CAN'T NO I *CAN'T!* AAAAAAAAAAGH!!"

Another flailing, panicky freak-outus interruptus, this time as SHE flopped backward and whatever was jabbing HER ass really hurt BADLY. sitting back up
shakily, she flipped wet hair out of her eyes again and reached back to rub the pain away, discovering half a dozen or so lumps ... big lumps... tails?

At the thought, a bunch of long, soggy tails curled forward around her knees from either side. Eyes adjusted to the darkness now saw they were deep red-brown,
with brighter tips.

And... rubbing at the base of them was definitely replacing the hurt with a different feeling. It almost felt like...

A tingle of warmth spread across *HER* face, and down to crinkle her nipples. She brought one hand around to touch them experimentally, desperate for a
distraction from the unexpected change of gender, not to mention having to think about what it meant to actually HAVE tails. She could feel her ears twitch at
the sensations as the rolled and tweaked a nipple between the fingers of her left hand, still stroking the base of her tails with the right.

"Ooo ... okay, here's where those up-sides start coming into effect... if this is going to be my body, better get used to it. Mmmmyeah..."

Her hips twitched and a pair of tails rose as her hand stroked slowly down from cupping her tit towards that tingling spot at her groin, two taking over
teasing her nipples, the others swaying aimlessly or snuggling against her legs and sides.

Questing fingers made contact, and she bit her tongue at a jolt of unfamiliar sensation, sharp incisors pressing into the sensitive muscle and making her yelp.

It was so very, very different that what *HE* had known... but there was real potential here, and from the itch and twitch from further inside, *SHE*
wasn't going to be wet just from lying in water for much longer. It was dark and quiet and she was alone, no reason not to go for it. She lay back again
more carefully this time to keep from pinching her tails, half-floating in the ankle-deep water, warmed so perfectly to body temperature that it was as if she
were melting. As both hands began to explore a pussy from this very unfamiliar perspective the prospect of melting felt both more and more likely and
appealing.

She hummed and cooed, tracing the delicate inner lips and tugging gently at them, then gasped as she slipped first one then a second finger inside, muscles
cenching on the intrusion. She grimaced as long and slightly pointed fingernails caused momentary discomfort, but quickly adjusted the angles. A stroke and
tweak of the other hand at *HER* clit washed it away, and another rush of damp slickness coated the probing digits.

There were a few more false starts, but it wasn't long before she was panting and moaning, listening to the racing beat of her heart as a climax rippled
out from her core. It wasn't mind-blanking bliss, and her new parts were a little too sensitive to try again right away, but as she idly splashed the warm
water over her sweat-beaded belly she decided it wasn't a bad first try, and there'd be time to practise.

"Especially if I'm really where I think I am," she muttered, feeling her ears flick away dripping water as she pushed up into a sitting position
again to look around. The light slanted in from over one shoulder, and as she turned to see the source a set of huge prison bars and dingy, dimly lit hallways
beyond confirmed the sinking feeling in her gut.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

To post or not to post, that is the question. Whether 'tis better to label with [Lemon] and [NSFW], or suffer the hacks and slashes of censorious editing... My heart is sore conflicted, for I desireth commentary on story and plot direction, yet I hath no wish to give offense. The musae have granted a chapter nearing 40Kb and story notes nigh half as great besides, a tale of insertion gone wrong in the land of Fire.

Insertion indeed! An insert inserted, for through unfortuitous happenstance, the insertee arrives within the fox most terrible, only to be inserted in young Uzumaki postehaste, sealed for the sins of the replaced. Her attitude most improved o'er the demon of legend, she takes the young lad to her breast 'pon wakening some years hence, and gives of her strength and wisdom under false guise of "Himitsu," false name yet true heart.

Alas! The agony of indescision! Mine heart is troubled sore! What say you, kind gentlemen? What say you, fair ladies? King Schroek, lord of this domain! My liege I pray you, speak! Give your judgement on this matter, that my soul may know the peace I seek!

- CD

Later: No, the fic itself is not written in florid Shakespearian prose. Not that it would neccesarily be an unworkable idea, but not this go, at any rate. I suppose I should mention the title, too - it's "Open Mouth, Insert... Tails?" or OMIT for short.

Even later: I'd rather have seen a 64Kb writing binge on BDis or LoXY!, even XOG or TCD than yet another new project... my horndogness may have sparked the thing off, but only about three paragraphs of that are actual explicit material, the rest is (more family oriented) character interaction, plot and training notes. Unfortunately those characters just weren't talking to me, even if a few references to LoXY! did sneak in here and there, like Ino's dad comparing Naruto's grin to Gai's and thanking the kami the kid didn't get assigned to him when he has that kind of untrained talent at being blindingly sparkly.

Gah, I've said it before, I'll say it again, I suck at porn... I set out planning to write mindless magically-transgendered sex and end up with a few sprinkles of heat over a big chunk of plot and character development. Jiraya would be ashamed of me.

The next day: Okay, now I see where my porn-writing skills failed, it was in having the insert-kyuubi make early contact with naruto, instead of letting it go to have first contact when Jiraya throws Naruto off a cliff, and meaningful dialogue not occur until the timeskip... because the best parts of the story are earlier, but by touching on things before N is old enough physically let alone emotionally to participate it neccessitates plot and character story elements. Yes, I know, I should have seen that from the beginning. D'oh. The thing is, I LIKE the way the story is shaping up in my notes, letting the Mothra Effect run wild without worrying about what it will mean down the road, because I now know that what was coming down the road sucked anyway. It's like the Butterfly Effect, only much, much bigger! To say it bluntly: If a butterfly flapping its wings in Tokyo can cause a hurricane in San Franciso, what happens when Mothra attacks?

[small]Kyuubi-dooby-doo![/small]
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

Moving away from the main event over to the sideshows.

ALASKA: Effective immediately your statehood is suspended pending review, as you are http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 03876.html]obviously incapable of making competent decisions on your own behalf. General Petraeus will take over as military governor as soon as we can get his ass untangled from Iraq.

...seriously, guys, when the ballot has a bunch of dudes plus one convicted felon, smart people DO NOT VOTE FOR THE FELON. Jesus.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

There's a store here that still has a copy of the original Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3 limited edition (with artbook and soundtrack). And they're
still selling it for the original price of $49.99, which seems a bit silly given that Persona 3 FES is out.

Still, that seems to be cheaper than what it's going for on ebay. And so, I'm mentioning this because it might be of interest to obsessed collector
types. '.'

-Morgan.

Like the warning said.

I hate complaining about game changes. I really do. Change is supposed to be the nature of an MMO. I've been here since Issue 1. I was here for ED.
I've never felt that a change was so great that it'd force me to stop playing or enjoy the game any less. I've never felt the need to cry nerf and
let slip the dogs of doom.

But. The loss of Shocking Bolt might just do it.

If you've not heard yet, they're taking Shocking Bolt out of the Electric Mastery pool for Blasters, and replacing it with Conserve Power. I do not
like this. It might just ruin the game for me.

No, I'm serious. Let me explain. Is that an overreaction? Perhaps. But it was my favourite power on my Blaster, and absolutely critical to my playstyle. I
took great delight in being able to either constantly throw out hold/immob and light control powers, or do pure damage - making my Blaster great to solo, and
great in a team.

Let me make this clear. I have many characters whom I love to Roleplay. That's why I have so many alts.

But the hero I love most to play - as in, to just log in and treat CoH like a game and not just a glorified chatroom... was my 50 Blaster,
Glass Lass.

I say was.

I recognise that Blasters still have holds available in the Flame Mastery and Munitions Mastery lines. Neither of those will work for me. I hate redraw, so
Munitions is out - and either way, most importantly, neither Flame nor Munitions fit my character concept. And like many players, character concept is very
important to me.

And I think concept is important to many people. I'm sure everyone here will agree, but I think it's also true for the general player population. After
all, a selling point of this game is that ability to realise your creative vision.

I can't accept the argument that Shocking Bolt proved unpopular in datamining. I cannot accept that. The Hold-Blaster playstyle isn't that
uncommon, and most Electric Blasters I've seen liked to stack Tesla Cage and Shocking Bolt for the logical combination. I would imagine it's more that
the developers saw Conserve Power as popular, and wanted to put it in another pool. And they figured, well, Blasters already have a couple of hold
powers in other pools...

If that's their thinking...I can see it. Maybe. But I really, really, don't like it. Replacing an unpopular power with a popular one, sure. Replacing a
power that I'm certain many of us loved...

Well.

I've got a Blaster, here, who's my only hero to be IO'd and Hami'd. I've invested all my resources into Glass Lass. Come I13, if
this change goes live, I'm going to be missing a key power, and that really stings, since this is the ONE character I've bothered to equip like this.
Yes, you've probably heard me talk about IO'ing Syndesis or Space Mage, but that's just talk. Glass Lass is the only character for whom I actually
DID it. And let's be clear, I FINISHED her build. There is a LOT of effort and time here.

So when I13 comes, she's gonna be...a lot less fun. It isn't going to ruin her, not by any means. She's still got acceptable levels of control. But
it'll be less entertaining. Less fun.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do then. I'm not going anywhere for now; my subscription's good up to the end of the year. So I'll give it a
shot. Besides, I love you folks, and I love this community.

But if I can't find a new favourite hero to play, not just for concept and RP, but to play...I really don't know if this will do it
as a game, for me, anymore.

EDIT: Am I overstating my case? Possibly. Might I cool down later? Maybe. Am I pissed now? Yes.
-- Acyl

*Sigh*

As if this week wasn't bad enough already.

Michael Crichton, dead at 66

I don't even have the strength left to curse.

(Edit - Sorry! Didn't see the OTHER thread on this till I posted!)

I have a next door neighbor, Crystal. A smart 11 year old. She needed helped on a book report on what the Maya eat. So went to the PC and pulled up the
appropriate info. I reviewed the data and to me it looked factual. I gave the material to her and told her to write it up in her own words. I met up with her 2
days later. She told me her teacher gave her a good grade, an A. Would had been A+, if the report hadn't included dogs as one of the sources of
protein. Seems teach was upset over it. Go figure.
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

The fight against ALPO continues!



You can download the whole comic from.

http://www.whatsupdark.com/3.html

Doooooom!!!!

Ahem.

As announced here: Click on link for details, Issue 13 Power and Responsibility
is now on Open Beta. They have opened the flood gates...

Details on how to get onto the Test Server are provided on the official announcement.

I predict a meltdown of the Test Server and the Forums...

Let the Chaos and Mayhem Begin!

To quote the movie Daredevil: Bring on the Pain! Bring on the Suffering!

Shader

... then you don't know as much about US politics as you think you do. Or you're under 40. Or both.

http://www.ottawasun.com/Comment/Dewar/ ... /dewar.jpg]Ottawa Sun editorial cartoon - the day after the election
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012