 |
I've mentioned this over in the "public knowledge" thread, but late last year I started, then abandoned, a Step that put Doug in the world of Harry Potter.
Why did I give up on it? Three reasons. One, it was a violation of one of my primary rules for fanfiction -- don't do fics in live franchises. Harry Potter is still going strong, and looks to keep going that way for a few more years yet. There's always a chance that fic'ing a live series or show can have unexpected negative effects on it; I'd rather wait until the story's done before adding my own encrustations.
The second reason is after I finished reading Goblet of Fire, I wasn't sure I liked the direction things were heading, and grew increasingly unsure of where I could fit Doug in.
And the third? Too much of what I had written, instead of gently satirizing SI excesses as I do elsewhere in the Walk, actually were SI excesses. Doug beating up Lucius Malfoy and Professor Snape, for example, because I didn't like the characters. Unforgiveable. Until I can approach those two with the kind of viewpoint with which I came at Katherine Madigan (for example), I'm not going to do the story properly.
Anyway, here are a couple of passages from what would have been (and may yet be) called Harry Potter and the Man From Otherearth.
-- Bob
(Edited to correct Malfoy's first name. He is not Luscious Jackson. )
"You see, in most worlds where magic exists, it's well known andmages spring from mundane stock all the time. In fact the mostpowerful wizards are usually mundane-born -- hybrid vigor, youknow."Hermione nodded sagely while Ron just looked puzzled. Harrythought suddenly of Lord Voldemort's Muggle father, whileColonel Sangnoir went on."The thing is, in most worlds, the mage gift is a very trickything. Yes, it can run in families, but it's a recessive trait --which means it can appear in and disappear from bloodlines allthe time. The only way to guarantee its continual presence is torisk a fair amount of inbreeding, which has its own dangers." Helooked thoughtful. "You said that the dark wizards and theirsympathizers are big 'pure-blood' fanatics?"Hermione scowled furiously. "Yes," she spat.The Colonel nodded. "Then they're probably inbreeding as closelyas the European royal families did in the 19th century. Damnshame." He shook his head. "I wonder if it's even worse thanthat. Hermione, you mentioned that Draco's mother is named'Narcissa'?""Yes, sir," she replied."Did she look much like Draco's father?""You know," Ron mused, "she did... enough to be his... sister?"He thought of himself and Ginny, then stuck his tongue out."Eew. That's sick."The Colonel chuckled. "Some cultures didn't think so -- theEgyptian Pharaohs married brothers and sisters all the time,supposedly to keep the 'power of the gods' they embodiedcontained within their bloodline. That's part of the reasonthere are no Pharaohs any more," he added almost as an aside."But I was thinking something even worse, since even in wizardingsociety I don't think they'd allow incestuous marriages. Iwonder if she's Lucius's anima...""His what?" Harry asked."His female nature, given separate form and life," Hermionerecited, then made a face. "That's even more sick."Colonel Sangnoir nodded seriously. "Yeah, it is. But for afanatical racial purist, it'd be the perfect solution to keepingthe bloodline pure -- after all, no racist thinks his genes areanything but the purest, and an anima would have identical genes,except for the double-X chromosome, guaranteeing a child ofunparallelled 'purity'. Bleah," he growled. "Fanatics, you knowI hate'em.""The double-X what?" Ron asked.Hermione looked about to launch into an explanation, but theColonel cut her off. "Later, Hermione, later. It's notimportant." He frowned. "You'd think he'd've given her a bettername, though. 'Narcissa' is just *so* obvious. Overconfidence,I suppose." * * *"Ow!" Harry drew up short as he stumbled into Ron and Hermione,who stood stock-still with surprise in the classroom doorway."C'mon in," a man's voice called from within, a familiar tenorvoice with a clearly American accent. "I'm not going to bite."Peering around his friends' heads, Harry realized that behind thelectern at the far end of the room was the traveler."At last," came a snide voice from behind him. "A teacher whodoesn't know about Harry 'I'm So Famous' Potter."Harry didn't have to turn around to identify Draco Malfoy, so hedidn't. Instead, he simply followed Ron and Hermione to theirusual seats...."Good morning, class," the traveler said once everyone hadsettled down. "My name is Colonel Douglas Sangnoir, and I amyour new instructor in the Defense Against The Dark Arts. Assome of you may already know, I am a native of another universeentirely. Those of you with so-called 'Muggle' backgrounds willbe familiar with the concept of the 'superhero.' My world lacksthat word, but I have been assured that I am one. As a result, Ipossess perspectives and experiences that Headmaster Dumbledorethinks you can make use of." He paused to survey the class. "Iagree. For a magically-active Earth, your world is a relativelycalm and peaceful one, and as a result, you are..." He smiled."Well, if I were instructing a band of new recruits, I'd bellowin your faces that you were soft and weak, drill sergeant-style."A few members of the class laughed nervously. Colonel Sangnoirwalked around to the front of the table next to the lectern andseated himself on it with a hop. With another smile heacknowledged the laughter. "What you are, though, is remarkablyprivileged. Most worlds with as much magic as yours faceterrible threats -- active demonic infiltration, eldritchcreatures the sight of whom can drive men mad, hundred-metermonsters strolling through cities. My own home world, which isrelatively weak in magic, was the target of a massive, concertedinvasion of vampires that we only barely fought off."Not a sound could be heard through the classroom now, and Harryshivered at the thought of an army of vampires slowly taking overthe world. He shuddered at the sudden image of the Dursleysturned into vampires. Lord Voldemort seemed almost comfortableand friendly in comparison.Sensing the mood of the class, Colonel Sangnoir nodded gravely."It was quite touch-and-go for a while, and my wife was almostturned into a vampire in the process. But we won, finally. Idon't want to get into it right now, but later in the term Ipromise I'll tell you something about that campaign." He hoppedoff the table again. "Which probably has you all wondering,what's this guy going to teach us, right?"A murmur of assent swept through the class, and Harry foundhimself contributing to it. A quick glance to either side showednot only Hermione but Ron as well watching the Colonel with wide,interested eyes.The Colonel stepped around the table, picked up a piece of chalk,and stood at the board. "What we're going to cover this term arethese points -- you might want to note them down, as they're keyconcepts," he noted, at which two dozen pencils hovered over twodozen notebooks. "First, the nature of evil. Second, evil andmagic. Thirdly, strategy and tactics." He scrawled each topicon the board in an unrestrained hand, underlining each one, thenturned back to face them. "This is *not* going to be a 'recipeclass'. You are not going to learn a list of 'if-thens' here --'if confronted by a blue-tailed eyebiter, then throw salt at it.'You are going to learn about the nature of evil, how it works,how it thinks, why it does what it does. You are going to learnhow to identify it at work even when it's disguised, how to spotits tools and deflect or break them. When it comes specificallyto evil magic, you will not learn just simple countercharms. Youwill learn how defend against any evil magic, without knowingwhat it is. You will gain reflexes against it, become able toreact and defend before you consciously know you've beenattacked. If I can, I will even teach you how to transmute evilmagic -- which is a quick way of saying that you'll learn how tosteal its magical energy to fuel your own spells while justincidentally killing it in the process." He leaned forward andraked his eyes over each and every one of them in the class. "Iwill be teaching you techniques developed by mages in worldswhere every single day is a struggle simply to survive againstlegions of sorcerous monsters. I will teach you not only how todefend against evil, but how to hunt it down and destroy it."The room was absolutely silent. Then a single voice in the backranks whispered loudly, "Cor! All that in one term?" A wave oflaughter crashed over the room, releasing the tension that hadgrown during the Colonel's monologue. Even the Colonel himselflaughed, Harry noted with some relief."I'll try, at least," he said, still chuckling. "Which means weneed to get started right away." He clapped his hands together,raising a small cloud of chalk dust. "Right! Before you candefend against evil, you must be able to identify it. So. Whatis evil? Define it please..." He searched through the students,ignoring Hermione's vigorously-waving hand. "...Mister Malfoy."Draco Malfoy smirked. "The opposite of good, sir," he answered,the barest hint of mockery in his voice.Colonel Sangnoir -- Harry couldn't imagine calling him"Professor" -- apparently heard the barely-there mocking tone,and raised one eyebrow. "I see we're a sophist, Mister Malfoy.That was a classic no-answer answer. While technically correct,it is devoid of meaning and thus unacceptable." His jovial tonesuddenly chilled. "Smart aleck responses will gain you no favorsin this class, Mister Malfoy. Minus five points to HouseSlytherin."The Slytherins in the class fumed, while the other studentsgiggled, murmured and chuckled among themselves. Behind hisglasses, Harry blinked. He glanced at the Slytherin boy.Malfoy's usual reserve cracked and a look of pure fury blazedacross his face for a moment; then he noticed Harry watching himand recomposed himself, and returned Harry's interest with abaleful, reptilian stare. Harry snorted and returned hisattention to the instructor.The Colonel's voice had gone back to being friendly. "You'llfind I'm easy to get along with, if you understand this: I amhere to teach you things that will save your lives, the lives ofyour loved ones, and possibly the lives of untold innocents. ButI have a limited amount of time in which to do so. I don't mindwrong answers, if they're sincerely offered. I *do* minddisruptive behavior, sniping at myself or other students, and badattitudes. For those of you who can't think of it any other way,consider this: I could easily tutor five or six promisingstudents instead of teaching an open class. If an atmospheredevelops that makes this class impossible, then I *will* switchto tutoring. That will mean the students I select will have anadvantage -- one literally unavailable elsewhere in this universe-- over those who are denied the tutoring." His voice went coldagain, and Harry realized that his eyes rested solely on DracoMalfoy. "Do I make myself understood?""Yes, sir," the class replied in a chorus of desultory murmurs."Good. Now, where were we? Right. The definition of evil.Does anyone else have any *useful* ideas?"Hermione's hand was waving so hard that Harry thought it coulddrive a windmill."Miss Granger?"Hermione stood up. "Evil is selfishness," she said primly.Colonel Sangnoir nodded. "Good. Very good. Anyone else?""Bullies!""Murderers!""People who hate!"The whole class began shouting out all manner of despicablebehaviors, as Colonel Sangnoir nodded. Harry kept silent,thinking about the evil he come face to face with over the pastfew years, and tried to figure out if there were a common elementto it all. Next to him, Hermione hmphed in annoyance as theanswers offered began to dip into the trivial and silly."Objects," Harry suddenly blurted."What was that, Mister..." Colonel Sangnoir consulted theseating chart on the lectern. "Mister Potter?"Harry started; he hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud. He tried toignore the flush of embarassment he felt climbing up his face."Um. Objects, sir. All the really evil people I've ever mettreated people like... like *things* you could use up and throwout without a care."A broad smile broke across the Colonel's face. "Exactly. Onekey identifying characteristic of evil is that it sees all otherliving creatures -- sentient beings or not -- as objects to use,abuse, and discard in order to achieve its goals. Empathy isalien to it; it has no care for others' feelings, except when itdelights in their manipulation. Most of the other attributes theclass was suggesting, especially Miss Granger's suggestion, are*symptoms* of evil. Very good, Mister Potter. Five pointsto..." He scrabbled for the seating chart again. "What's yourhouse, Mister Potter?""Gryffindor, sir." Harry couldn't help but smile slightly; Ronand Hermione were less restrained."Right. Five points to Gryffindor." He scratched a few lines onthe seating chart with a handy pencil, then looked back up."There is another key attribute of evil. Any guesses?"The room grew silent as thirty-five youthful faces scowled inintense concentration. Harry, without realizing it, was amongthem. He dug through his memories of his confrontations withLord Voldemort in his various guises, from the youthful TomRiddle to the murderer of his parents whom he could not reallyremember, and tried to find something in common among all ofthem."Anyone?" the Colonel asked of the quiet classroom.Harry bit his lip as he thought of a possibility. Hesitantly, heraised his hand."Mr. Potter?" The Colonel's tone seemed slightly amused, but notmocking.Harry swallowed. His answer didn't seem to make sense, but itfit the facts... "Evil... it seems to think it's *Good*, sir."Another brilliant smile broke across the teacher's face and henodded approvingly. "Very good, Mr. Potter." He turned hisattention on the rest of the class. "Evil -- *real* Evil -- isconvinced it is Good. It is, in fact, *far* more certain that itis Good than Good is -- and that's how you can often tell thedifference. Good doubts itself -- it's a necessary mechanismthat *keeps* it Good. Evil never doubts itself, its motives orits methods. It deludes itself, or lets itself be easily deludedby others, that it is always in the right. It is alwaysconvinced that what it does is Good. Of course, it usuallyredefines 'Good' to mean 'what *it* wants'."He sat back down on the edge of the table. "If you ever havedoubts about the rightness of a course you have set yourself on,you are at the very least redeemable. Only the irredeemably evilare ever *absolutely* sure of their actions." He folded hishands together except for the forefingers, which he held to hislips in a gesture that seemed solemn and reverent. "Take thisfrom someone who once held a dying demon in his arms as shebegged for forgiveness and tried to reconcile herself to Heaven."...As the classroom emptied, Colonel Sangnoir called out, "Mr.Potter, a moment before you go, please." Ron and Hermione tradedgrins as Harry halted at the door and turned back to stand by thepodium.The Colonel carefully waited until the room had emptied, thenstudied Harry intently. "You've faced true Evil in some form,Mr. Potter," he said without preamble."Yes, sir," Harry replied quietly. "A few times, sir.""And you've come out on top, I presume?""So far, sir. With the help of my friends," he added truthfully.Colonel Sangnoir snorted. "And you're how old, Harry? Fifteen?Sixteen?""Fifteen as of July, sir."The teacher frowned and shook his head. "That young." Onceagain he studied Harry, but this time his eyes seemed to unfocus,and Harry felt a strange shiver go through him, like someone hadrun a cold finger down his back. "Your aura doesn't showanything strange, Harry," the Colonel continued, "but I'll layodds that you're a Hero.""Sir?"The Colonel slid behind the podium once more and slammed a bookshut. "You remember what I said about tutoring at the beginningof today's class? I will be giving you some. I'll arrangematters with your other teachers and your Quidditch coach so Idon't step on anyone's toes, but you will be getting some privatelessons from me after regular class hours.""In what, sir?"He paused and studied Harry once again, and Harry felt as thoughthe gaze of those blue-grey eyes were sifting through his soul."Magecraft, boy. Not the formulaic wand-waving they teach here,but true wizardry. You don't have the strongest magegift I'veever seen, but it'll do." He chuckled suddenly. "Oh, yes, it'lldo." He laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Prepare yourself,Harry. What I'm going to teach you will rock your world."
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
|
![[Image: smile.gif]](http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif)
) that a songe requires both music and lyrics to trigger Doug's Metagift, but I just thought of a corollary question: does Doug have to understand the language the song is sung in, and by extension the word of the lyrics, or will his Metagift trigger even if Doug has no clue what the song is saying?
