A life and death of Julian Friez
"Speech"
{Julian's thoughts to himself}
Warning: This will wind up both with mature themes and rather on the dark side in some places.
The interns: could be just a one-time thing, or could happen from time to time. I figure it's reasonable that the Prof might decide to send out a call for interns once, just to see what it was like, and there are enough people in fenspace with enough curiousity that he could wind up with a fair number of takers. Eventually they're liable to get annoying, but for the moment he's enjoying having a constant captive audience/group of henchlings.
I'm actually stumbling somewhat on the section after this, partially because I have no real idea how the Professor would *treat* individual Julians, after he'd finished the first round of experiments. Catty, if you've got any clue to share, I'd love to hear it. If anyone who's running a station likes the idea of having a string of lost, unhappy Julians tromping through it on an irregular basis, feel free to chime in, and I'll happily use you for the next bit. Oh, and any bits of concrit would be much appreciated.
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Deep inside one of the most feared ships in known space, inside a darkened lab, a machine about the size of a commercial refrigerator made a cheery "ding", and unlocked its output door. A short while later, the door fell open, and a form of approximately human size and shape fell out. It hit the floor and whimpered, then lay motionless.
A few minutes later, the Professor, star of numerous television shows (mostly of the fearmongering news variety) came striding into the lab, followed by a group of fascinated (and terrified) interns, brightening the place up with his very presence (Bad Things Happened to lightbulbs that did not brighten immediately at the approach of the Master. The lightbulbs that survived learned quickly.)
"Look! See! Witness, oh doubters! The machine does indeed make Julian Friez! Another victory for SCIENCE!"
{Oh, God. It's him!}
The vaguely man-shaped pile of sludge in front of the machine tried to shuffle away from the professor as best it could.
"Julian? Julian? JULIAN! Ah! there you are, Julian. What a delightful new form you have. You two! Fetch me that vat. Looks like we'll have to carry him to the table if we want to get any data out of him, and this version is *fascinating*."
{New form? This version? What is he ranting about? Why can't he just leave me alone?}
The sludgepile moaned in poorly-enunciated fear, but the various interns coralled him into into the vat and on to the table anyway. Then the professor brandished his tools, and the nightmare began in earnest.
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Over the next few days, in between moments of sheer terror and deeply unpleasant probing, Julian managed to find some things out about himself. He wasn't the first Julian Friez. (His fiance's number had an unhappy message telling him to go away and leave her alone.) He wasn't the second. (His mom's number had a really vicious message from his brother telling him to not even try to get in contact any more if he valued his "sick, freakish, miserable little life".) He was some sort of horrible thing that had been made to think he was Julian Friez, and he wasn't even vaguely human looking when he stopped thinking about it.
He'd spent a few hours slumped over a bench feeling miserable when it all sunk in. Finally, he decided to just ignore it. If he remembered being Julian Friez, then he was Julian Friez. The Professor had done something really unpleasant to him, and stuck some of that goop in him, and he'd wound up freakish. That happened to people sometimes, he'd heard. It sucked, but hey - with a little effort, he didn't even have to be freakish. All he had to do was stay calm and in control, and he could have his old face, just like he was supposed to. Okay, so he couldn't keep his body looking right all over without a lot of effort, but that just meant that he needed to wear a long-sleeved shirt and jeans and boots. That wasn't too bad. He wore that sort of stuff fairly often anyway. It turned out that he could even do his old job up here. You would have thought that they'd need all sorts of fancy stuff up in space, but it turned out that plumbing was pretty much plumbing wherever you went.
{What are you *talking* about? This stuff involves water recycling and air balance and...}
{Shut up. I can understand it, right? So it's plumbing.}
{But...}
{PLUMBING'S PLUMBING, DAMMIT!}
{Um...er... okay.}
{Thank you. I knew you could be reasonable.}
Of course, that was looking on the bright side. On the dark side, he was still trapped in this madman's lair, desperately trying to avoid his attention while keeping the various bizarre experiments from eating him, and scavenging enough food and water to keep going. Once, he'd been desperate enough to try to steal some of the professor's coffee. It had... not gone well. Now, now he just hid, and trembled - but it was nice to have a bright side to look on, right? Right?

The following parody of a 'Harry Potter' spoiler appeared today in a Boston Globe article by Tom Keane.

Quote:

---

A leaked copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," the last volume of the seven-book series, sparked heated discussion among fans. According to those who have seen it, the book ends with Harry, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger having lunch in the Hogwarts dining hall. Suddenly, Lord Voldemort and Severus Snape appear from the kitchen. Snape raises his wand and says the last words of the story, "Let me take care of the scar." Ten blank pages follow. The book's publisher refused to confirm whether the leaked copy was legitimate, but did acknowledge that author J.K. Rowling collaborated with "Sopranos" creator David Chase on the series conclusion.

---

I received this email this morning. I've resigned from Mod duties and quit the FFML, but I thought I'd pass it on to you guys anyway.

-----------------------
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. After about 3-4 months of being
down, we're back operational. Just have to unpack a few things and get
back up and running.
First, I want to make something clear: I'm not planning on acting in a
moderator capacity. I'll leave this to the moderators already in place.
My job is to run the machine the list is running on. I'm more likely
to get into writing again, if anything - and hope, in fact, to do
exactly that. =^^=
Most of everything is going to be the same protocol, but what is winding
up changing is the interface. We're running Mailman here (rather than
Listar/Ecartis, which the FFML ran on for over a decade), so the
interface is a little different, and is pretty much done through the web.
First and foremost, CHECK YOUR EMAIL FOR THE WELCOME MESSAGE. If you
have to, look in your spam traps. In this email are complete
instructions for how to log in and change your subscription options. If
you have multiple welcome messages, use the MOST RECENT one. If you
have misplaced this email, go to this URL:
chez-vrolet.net/mailman/options/ffml
...and follow the prompts.
Full documentation for Mailman can be found here:
www.gnu.org/software/mailman/users.html
As we here on the 'net are prone to saying, RTFM.
For those of you who had digest or vacation flags on your addresses,
you'll possibly have to replace them at your option. For those who were
hidden, by the time you get this, I'll likely have replaced your flag.
Please make sure you have your configurations set accordingly.
There are probably going to be a few quirks here and there, so please
bear with us as we get this mess ironed out. If, for instance, you got a
duplicate welcome message, sorry 'bout that - apparently the software
freaked out when loading all three thousand of you through the web
interface. Of course, that's what the command line is for. =^^=;;
In closing...well, I really wish I had something more to say about
Philip's passing, but all I can say is that he will be missed, and that
I'm glad he picked up the ball when we left fanfic.com something over
five years ago. Now it's my turn, and as corny as this sounds, I hope
that I can do as good of a job as he did.
-Dennis--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel
"Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legend! Right, Boo?"

As a cook, I give this movie five stars. Hilarious and extremely accurate in its portrayal of the mechanics and politics of a restaurant kitchen.
--Sam
"Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage."

Some casting news/rumors for the upcoming Watchmen movie.

-- Bob
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The Internet Is For Norns.

Firstly, I haven't been paying much attention to Fenspace recently (mea culpa, mea maxima culpa), so I'm sure something to this effect has been suggested or toyed with somewhere already.
Secondly, I want to write a story or some scenes featuring my character, since she hasn't come to light yet (again, my own fault/laziness). I dunno, maybe also develop the idea of the Pratchett group of fen in a little more detail...anyways, I'm rambling. I'll throw this up here and y'all can mud sling as necessary
***
I sighed and stretched the back of my neck.
I wasn't a soldier like KJ, or a boss man like Mal, or heck, even someone like the real pioneers of fenspace like Scott or the other big names. True, I was crew on one of the damn best ships in the system, and one that was famous in and of itself.
But I'm just a pilot...and I'm the quiet type, not big on the hype or the fame, kind of lazy and perfectly content to just sit back, do the driving, and let everyone else get on with the hero work and mind boggling discoveries. Also, I've got one of the more...distinct hair-do's around, and quite frankly, I think I'd be known as one of the more recognizable fantasy characters of the Pratchett world if I got out more.
Gorram 'wavium. To be honest, as crazy as the fen are, I very much doubt I'd get mobbed if I was better known- I feel embarrassed for thinking it. I certainly wasn't back at *the* convention, heck, I was just another biomodded fen who got lucky. But things have...progressed a little. Again, probably my own fault for not getting out as much as I could. I'm not as upset about the hair anymore, in fact I'm pretty entertained by it, certainly I've learned to live with it. The Voice is something I haven't dropped to anyone yet, KJ's guessed, Kat knows, but that's it. I'm sure Mal has an inkling, but it wasn't there at first and it's gotten worse? better? over time.
I've just, I don't know. Felt the urge to wear black more often. Haven't been able to tan very easily, when I used to be able to brown like cooked beef. (yeah, I caved and went in for a tanning salon). And maybe the whole "not getting out" thing is a symptom itself, who knows. Well...okay, I do tend to behave rather oddly when I get out to parties. Apparently I keep demanding curries when I get really, really drunk.
What all this leads up to is that I don't mind doing the long hauls, and as they say, idle hands are the devil's tools. In fenspace, this is true and incredibly dangerous. I'd be sitting there, on some boring long supply run, and start wondering what I could with this, or if I could make that.
The results of this sort of thinking are immediate and obvious; I've got a Strohl plasma gun strapped to my back. It's...mostly a false device. Then there's the Mace[tm] and the foam Mace I use for crowd control. Then I started to really think...what about a staff? Or a sword- thought about those katanas the Shinigami had in Bleach. There were any number of things I thought of, small objects, weaponry, clothing, heck, even common household items, that there just might be a market for with the fen. Basically, custom crafting items, using 'wavium if needed, for things the fen might want. Actually, having 'wavium in paticular as part of the creative process.
Oh, of course there's already companies, shops, what have you that do that sort of thing. Reproduction zampukto, costumers, etc. But I was thinking of trying things that *weren't* reproductions, I wanted to create the real thing. Or, at least as close as I could. For instance, maybe a paticular nutjob wanted one of Cloud's swords from FFVII: AC. Y'know, the one that could part and be pulled into two different weapons? I could try and make that.
I grinned to myself. Okay, that was an extreme example. I was getting in over my head...ye gods, 5 more hours on this trip. But seriously, maybe some standard stuff, 'wavium cosplay costumes for senshi with bits that actually waved mysteriously without the need for wind...then there was the Pratchett stuff (my main focus, my being a fen of that genre). I grinned again, feeling paticularily mad. *Surely* no one was nuts enough to try and recreate the Luggage. Or heck, Death's sword. I had been trying to stockpile titanium, after all. Or...the grin got wiped off my face, fast.
I can't *seriously* been considering that. To me, it's just about the final step down a path that this biomod has smacked me into. One I'm not entirely sure I want to go any futher on...but.
A scythe would be really cool.

I had a thought today. What happened to the Convention schedule after the SOS-dan called the Emergency con? Do emergency cons reset the schedule, or are they outside the Convention schedule?
In the later case, when was/is the scheduled Con for 2012? When's the sheduled Con for 2013?

At its Anime Expo panel today, Geneon announced the acquisition of three new properties: the Shana OVA, Lyrical Nanoha and Lyrical Nanoha A's, and the children's show Deltora Quest. Geneon will also be releasing a cartoon called Chop Suey Chook.

I am ecstatic! Nanoha! R1! o/

...did anyone else see the title of this article and immediately think of a live-action Gerry Anderson TV show?

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

Behind Blue Eyes, The Who
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours - only lonely
My love is vengence
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To have these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours - only lonely
My love is vengence
And that's never free
When my fist clenches - crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile - tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver please give me a blanket
Keep me warm - let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

The first possibility that occurred to me was for this to act as an informational spell. Consider what happens with We Didn't Start The Fire, Doug can play the song and give someone a history lesson cramming decades of experiences into a few minutes. In this interpretation of the songs effects Doug could pick someone nearby and over the course of a few minutes live as a fly on the wall during pivotal moments in the person's life. But it would be the pivotal moments that led to their negative aspects. He might have no idea why they always ate a banana split on the first Wednesday of each month, but he would know about the schoolyard bully in fourth grade who made the person never like the taste of strawberries again. And he would know about the drunk driver who cost him his innocence, or the mugger he kept beating even after the guy begged for mercy... "And I blame you" Poor Doug however as the target, possibly reliving the events along with Doug, will know just what Doug is up to.
The second possibility. I don't recall this coming up in the stories, but it may be the lack of sleep this week. I am sure that Doug has a list of songs that Are Not To Be Played! Possibly saved in the helmets memory in a folder labeled "Play Only In Event Of Cthulhu." In this possibility the song is not about the type of person Doug will be able to get a read on, but about the personality Doug will take on for the course of the song. Cold, angry, and out for vengeance. Perhaps the first time he played the song he got an uneasy feeling and decided he wouldn't use it. Then a battle wasn't going well and he remembered there seemed to be some power buried in this one. After about three and a quarter minutes of watching himself act, without worrying about the things he was doing, he suddenly snaps awake again. With several of the villains thugs now down on the ground, Doug is simultaneously choking the guy, slapping him, and utterly ignoring his teammates distressed words while he tells the guy just what will happen if he ever even looks in Shadowwalker's direction again. So no playing this song unless he doesn't mind becoming a villain himself for a few minutes, ready and willing to attack whoever most recently ticked him off.
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Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.